Please note: this article contains spoilers for season four, as well as mentions of childhood sexual assault.
Season four of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives has just dropped, and, as always, it’s packed with drama, reveals and enough hair extensions to practically qualify as their own cast members. We’re still reeling from the fallout of the season three reunion, two of our girlies have headed to LA, and Taylor Frankie Paul is even preparing to appear on the new season of The Bachelorette.
Everywhere you look, there are oversized sodas (coffee is a no-go for these Mormons), coordinated workout sets, perfectly curled hair and a full face of makeup. But here’s the twist: I actually think it’s the most real unscripted television airing right now, and it might be exactly what we need.
Hear me out: the women of MomTok are empowering.
Because, despite the TikTok dances and the picture-perfect exteriors, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is serving up some of the most unfiltered emotional honesty on reality TV.
Dealing with trauma
In season two, cast member Mikayla Matthews began opening up to friends and family about the sexual abuse she experienced as a child, perpetrated by someone known to the family. Viewers watched as she had these incredibly difficult conversations, while also confronting how the trauma has affected her ability to enjoy intimacy as an adult.
Revisiting the experience created growing physical distance between Mikayla and her husband, Jace, who was clearly trying his best to support his wife. In season three, the pair turned to couples counselling, speaking candidly about the toll it had taken on both of them. Jace reassured Mikayla that he would never want physical intimacy at the expense of her wellbeing, but also shared how much he hoped they could find a way to rebuild closeness together.
Child sexual abuse is an incredibly difficult subject, often surrounded by shame, particularly in close-knit communities like the Mormon communities of Utah. Watching Mikayla address it so openly, and speak about how it continues to shape her life and relationship today, was genuinely powerful. In season four, she continues to navigate that journey, and we also see Jace confide in friends, acknowledging the emotional strain that can fall on partners and caregivers as well.
Many of the other women also open up about their experiences with past sexual or physical abuse, including Mayci, who previously wrote about an abusive relationship in her book.
In the spirit of fairness, though, the show also reveals how these stories can sometimes be weaponised against one another, as seen in the chaotic season three reunion, where Demi compared her alleged assault to the experiences shared by Mayci and Mikayla.
There’s never a need to compare or measure trauma, something that can easily get lost in the competitive nature of reality TV. But it’s also a dynamic we see off-screen in real life, in the so-called “trauma Olympics,” where people feel pressured to prove their pain is more valid or more severe than someone else’s. In that sense, seeing these moments play out on screen can feel uncomfortably familiar — and, perhaps, quietly illuminating.
Toxic relationships
A very different example of how trauma is explored on The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is through Taylor, noticeably in her relationships with men — and her ex, Dakota Mortensen, in particular. The term “toxic” is often thrown around far too casually these days, whether on reality TV, social media or the brunch table.
At first, it might seem like TSLOMW is doing the same. But in season four, it goes deeper. When Taylor backslides with Dakota, it isn’t a rehearsed chorus of “but he’s your ex!” Instead, it’s her friends — and the wider MomTok crew — expressing genuine concern for her well-being. Jessi Ngatikaura identifies a pattern in Taylor’s behaviour and suggests it might trace back to her earliest experiences of abandonment by her father. We see Taylor confront this difficult topic in therapy, both alone and alongside her mother.
Many of the women have relationships that raise eyebrows among their peers, but TSLOMW doesn’t shy away from holding people accountable. Men are confronted for their actions in ways rarely seen on reality TV — whether it’s Zac’s Chippendales mishap in season one, Jordan’s disrespect in season three, or Dakota’s refusal to apologise in season four. It’s a rare glimpse at reality TV recognising the consequences of toxic behaviour rather than glossing over it.
Is it enough? No, it isn't. But it's women pointing out the disrespect they see in their friends' relationships, and hopefully applying those lessons a little closer to home.
Women have become equal players in their downfall.
Motherhood is just one part of their identity
Speaking of relationships, one of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives’ most impressive achievements is how it portrays single mothers. Society continues to stigmatise them, from the discussions around single mum Claire in The Walsh Sisters to the reactions to Violet’s second love storyline in season four of Bridgerton. Even in real life, actresses like Sophie Turner can’t post a simple photo at an event without people questioning who’s watching her children. Women are so often reduced entirely to the role of mother, with little respect for their identity outside of that.
Yes, the show is about MomTok; the women are mothers. But they are also so much more. Layla Taylor, for example, is a single mother, yet she walks in New York Fashion Week, dates someone new, and explores her identity in ways she couldn’t before having children — and her kids aren’t even shown on the series.
Taylor, who has three children, is also the next Bachelorette, proving motherhood doesn’t sideline her ambitions. Other examples include Whitney and Jen on Dancing With the Stars, the latter performing just weeks after giving birth to her third child.
The show also gives a realistic look at co-parenting, with separated couples like Taylor and Dakota, and Miranda and Chase navigating partnerships that prioritise their children while also fostering adult relationships. Some even strive to be friends with each other’s new partners, creating a more cohesive family dynamic for their kids.
What’s particularly striking is that these women are often the breadwinners, a dynamic still uncomfortable in many Mormon communities and beyond. Find me a man who happily earns less than his female partner and stays home — it’s rare. We see men struggle with it, and the emergence of DadTok can be cringey, but the series also shows them embracing the role. Jace cares for their newborn at the Airbnb so Mayci can breastfeed before supporting Jen and Whitney on Dancing With the Stars. Zac leaves med school so Jen can pursue her influencer career. Connor moves to LA to care for their three children while Whitney pursues film roles.
These women are mothers, yes, but they are so much more than that. And their partners are not just babysitters; they become real fathers, actively participating in raising the next generation.
Imperfect women
The show also doesn’t shy away from authenticity. We see women truly makeup-free — not just “no-makeup” vibes — and Mikayla openly shares her struggles with her skin in the hope of helping others feel less ashamed. The cast discusses postpartum bodies, the adjustments that come with them, and Taylor candidly talks about her breast augmentation, taking viewers along for the journey. Some influencers will get a breast augmentation before promoting their new push-up bra range. Taylor took us into the surgery itself, as gross as it sounds, but appreciated.
The series also tackles complicated emotional truths. We hear the story behind Jessi having an emotional affair and the real consequences it had on her marriage. Her fears aren’t just about how her friends view her, they extend to her reputation as a businesswoman.
And the drama kicks off immediately: in the very first episode of the whole show, Taylor is arrested for drunk and disorderly behaviour, leading to a discussion about the aftermath of addiction.
We also follow cast members to therapy. Sometimes it’s ketamine therapy, other times more traditional approaches, but the message is clear: therapy is nothing to be ashamed of, and it’s important to find the method that works for you.
The women are imperfect Mormons, which draws plenty of criticism both online and off. But honestly, I have Christian friends who don’t attend church at all or who choose to marry in a stunning vineyard instead of a traditional service. Why shouldn’t these Mormon women be able to make their own choices?
We get to witness Jen, once the devout “Saint” of the group, re-examining her relationship with her faith and reflecting on the ways religion has shaped — and sometimes held back — her personal relationships.
Sisterhood – yes, really
Let’s be honest: girl’s girl energy is fading fast on reality TV.
The Scandoval saga on Vanderpump Rules — aka Tom Sandoval cheating on his partner of nine years, Ariana Madix, with her best friend Rachel Leviss — is still a raw wound. Sure, Tom was clearly in the wrong, but the way Rachel betrayed her friend repeatedly and still stayed in her orbit, listening to all the relationship drama, is frankly terrifying.
Recent seasons of MAFS: Australia and MAFS: UK have leaned far too heavily on women turning on each other, treating each other like competitors rather than colleagues. And don’t even get me started on Love Island: All Stars, where the bullying became genuinely hard to watch.
Now, I won’t deny that watching The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives involves a fair share of yelling; tears, backstabbing, and chaos are still very much on the table. Honey, it is reality television, after all.
But here’s the difference: there’s also sisterhood. The women drop everything to show up for each other, whether it’s calling a friend out for selfish behaviour — like when Jessi initially wanted to skip Mayci’s book launch for a Call Her Daddy event, but changed her mind once she realised the hurt it would cause — or flying home early to support a friend, like Whitney holding Mikayla’s hand through stem cell injections for her skin struggles.
Whether it’s a new business, a new baby, a breakup, or a breakthrough, the women of MomTok show up for one another. They know that MomTok is both a business and a friendship, and that one cannot thrive without the other.
We need to embrace imperfect role models like the women of MomTok. We need to recognise that reality television can showcase the good alongside the bad, the messy alongside the polished. And most importantly, we need to ask ourselves: will MomTok survive this season?
