“A healthy outside starts from the inside,” you read as you scroll through Instagram. You click on the brand’s ad, and they proceed to try and sell you a £60 face oil they claim is the one thing missing from your life. You continue scrolling, in the mood for lighthearted content, only to find positivity mantras and ten-step night-time routines. You watch a TikTok by someone who tells you to “suffer” cold showers and eat sad salads, they tell you then and only then will you be happy and achieve wellness.
As we enter Black History Month once again, which is essential for recognising the importance of Black history and celebrating our impact on society, we’re also acknowledging that it can be a heavy time for many Black people. Sometimes, Black history and historical trauma are spoken about as though they are synonymous.
Lorraine is 23 and loves Black History Month, she sees it as an amazing opportunity to learn. She tells GLAMOUR that she enjoyed the recent Twitter trend of the little Black girls on hair relaxer boxes coming out years later and learning that a lot of the models didn’t actually have relaxed hair, which forced her to look at her own hair and whether she should stop relaxing hers.
But she also recognises that Black History Month can be heavy and overwhelming, being fed content that reminds us of the trauma our communities went through. “Day to day, my dad loves the news and always shares it with me. Stories about stabbings and shootings. I get that we need to be informed and aware that our people are being killed, but it’s also okay to tap out and search for things only when you want to tap in,” Lorraine says.
“Serena has taught me so much… she is the greatest, ever.”
“I’m an emotional person, and I get so invested. I think, ‘it could be my sister or my brother or cousin’.”Instead, she mutes everything that she finds triggering. “When it’s time for me to watch a particular movie they’ve brought back, I will share it, but until I can regulate my own feelings I mute everything.”
For 22-year-old Yatta, she also tries to limit the amount of traumatic content she's exposed to during Black History Month – as well as throughout the rest of the year too. She mentions finding the Jeffrey Dahmer documentary that recently aired on Netflix triggering. “I try to keep good friendships around me so that if I’m experiencing anything or emotional or triggering, I know I have a support system behind me I can talk to.”
So, how can we look after ourselves during this time, and what does it mean to practice wellness?
In reality, wellness means something different to everyone. Especially Black women, who are constantly left out of conversations about wellness, despite being disproportionately affected by racial trauma and a lack of attention in healthcare.
For 36-year-old Gabrielle, wellness is more about being aware of her limitations than it is a “physical thing.”
“It’s about being able to apply those limitations to your life. Because if you don't take care of your physical health, that impacts your mental health. If you don't take care of your mental health, you're not going to feel up to doing things to help yourself physically. So really, the two go hand in hand,” she tells GLAMOUR.
“Not to spoil the ending but everything is going to be OK”.
Yatta agrees and believes wellness is about finding a balance. “I’m a plus-sized woman, and I try to give myself grace when thinking about health and fitness. I’d started going to the gym three or four times a week, then found that I prefer slow movements.”
Yatta now does hot yoga once or twice a month.
“I don’t really have any body goals at the moment. I'm just making sure I incorporate some kind of movement into my day-to-day life. Even if I don’t end up going to the gym, I’ll walk to the station instead of getting the bus.”
Gabrielle suffers from clinical depression and autoimmune disease UCTD (which can be exacerbated by stress), so wellness is at the top of her priority list: “With UCTD my joints get affected and I also get really debilitating fatigue.”
“I have to constantly be reminded that not only am I dealing with internal things that I can’t control, but also the external (the colour of my skin),” Gabrielle says, referencing her mental health and racism.
“And with that, I know there will be hurdles, be it having to prove myself or knowing that sometimes my ideas are going to be skipped over because I don't look like the majority.”
“Taking care of your psychological health is the greatest contributor that you can have to slowing down your pace of ageing.”
Microaggressions are all too familiar for Black women. That’s why Lorraine makes sure she sets boundaries and sticks to them. “I read an amazing book called Set Boundaries, Find Peace,” she says. “If someone has insulted me or made a racist comment, I always try to stand up for myself. That’s the only way I can move forward.”
Systemic racism affirms that racism is embedded in all social institutions, structures, and social relations. It is everywhere we look. There is racial disparity everywhere, from the justice system to the workplace, education to healthcare. In fact, a report released last year found that Black women in the UK are four times more likely to die in pregnancy and childbirth and that our concerns are being ignored or dismissed, with pain relief denied due to racial stereotypes. That means we should be actively thinking about ideas of wellness and how we can practice it.
And wellness routines don’t have to be expensive or exhausting, but they should incorporate something that centres yourself and can be great for giving your life some structure.
Gabrielle tells me about her routine: “I look forward the night before to what treats I have for myself in the morning. So something as simple as a latte that I make at home does it for me and motivates me.” She also makes sure to give herself alone time in the morning, where she’ll set an affirmation for the day.
“Then I read a verse or scripture from the Bible. And I make a list in my gratitude journal of at least five things I'm grateful for and that really sets the tone for the rest of the day. So even if the day goes sideways, I can reflect back on my journal entry from that morning, or the verse I've read from the Bible and be like ‘okay, get yourself back into perspective’ It really sets the tone for the rest of the day," she adds.
“So affirmations come really into play, and really just reflecting on getting through the day and how you're getting there.”
This Mental Health Awareness Week, support one another.
It’s important to note, though, that wellness requires being honest with yourself about how life is going. Social media has played a huge role in the promotion of toxic positivity. Ultimately, platforms like Instagram are often a highlight reel that only shows the good but not so much the bad. “I surround myself with people that don’t project toxic positivity,” Gabrielle says.
She references quotes like “good vibes only” as being shallow and counterproductive. “That’s good, but how is that going to help me to practice self-care, and how can I apply that to my everyday life?”
“Realists know and accept the fact that they're gonna have good days and bad days, and that's okay. It's part of the human experience.” She refers to her friends as her “spiritual siblings” who encourage her to practice self-care for herself, and also mentions her husband and parents, who are part of her support system.
24-year-old Ruva doesn’t identify with the ideas of wellness she sees. “It feels like this really airy fairy commodified concept. I recognise that at its core wellness is about health, holistically. The mind, body and soul. But it genuinely feels like everytime I hear the word wellness, it’s being used to sell me something, so I’ve disconnected from it,” she says.
“Not everyone wants to meditate, some people just wanna do a kickboxing class in the gym and that is just as meditative. But wellness has been branded as intense and capitalist.”
She mentions Gwyneth Paltrow’s This Smells Like My Vagina Candle which retails for £75. It’s not an inherently bad thing to light a candle to help you relax, but there’s a narrative that you have to spend money on the best of the best products when it should feel accessible to everyone. These products are often marketed to white women, and it’s also ironic that back in 2018, Gwyneth Paltrow claimed that she popularised yoga, failing to recognise its Northern Indian origins.
Ruva has a different idea of self-care and wellness and says that sometimes you just need to do the practical stuff. “I once heard someone say that self-care is something that future you will thank you for. For me, it’s often about just getting shit done. People sometimes say, ‘self-care is a bath’, but sometimes I need to do the stuff I’m supposed to be doing so that future me is not stressed.”
Ruva also mentions taking time for herself and saying no as a way to practice self-care. “The joy of missing out,” she laughs. “I’m so lucky to have a great friendship group, but they are very social, and sometimes I just need to not see people.”
When she is ready to socially tap back in, though, she appreciates the “romance” she has in her friendships and likes to prioritise “friend dates”.
Lorraine echoes this sentiment of being kind to yourself and is a champion of not waiting until you feel you “deserve” something before you put a facial on, or give yourself a pedicure, or cut your hair. “Wellness means not attaching ourselves to our productivity.”
Black women are redefining what it means to be well in their own unique ways, setting boundaries and being kind to ourselves just because. As Lorraine says, the mindset shouldn’t be: “I’ve done five hours of work, then I deserve a bath or then I deserve to get my hair done.”
“B**ch, you are my soulmate.”
