The reason why redundancy is so destabilising is simple: it lands as a form of rejection. Ever since I started writing in exchange for pay more than a decade ago, I have relied on my job for so much more than a salary. A sense of self-worth, a shorthand for my identity, a distraction from my depression. And so, despite having pledged to work in a healthier, less enmeshed way a few years back, it was inevitable that learning my role was up for redundancy was going to be… unsettling, to say the least.
What was surprising, however, was discovering how many people had also experienced this complete demolition of their self-esteem. I shared on social media and in my newsletter, Working On Purpose, that I had gone through redundancy, briefly mentioning my despair and self-doubt. I was amazed by the number of people — people in completely different industries, who hadn’t had the same unhealthy attachment to their career, who didn’t have an existing mental illness — who reached out to say that they, too, had experienced redundancy and gone through a huge crisis of confidence. And, as neuroscientist Nicole Vignola explains, rejection is hard-wired to be tough: “The brain experiences rejection as though we’re going through physical pain,” she notes.
“I decided to retrain into something that felt more aligned with my values.”
Beth Stallwood, a coach and the author of Create WorkJoy and Love Your Job, adds that work’s place at the centre of our lives adds to this shock. “Work isn’t just something we do in life: it’s a key element of how we make sense of ourselves in the world,” Stallwood explains. “When we’re faced with redundancy, it doesn’t just affect our employment status (which is a big thing in itself!), it also disrupts how we view our own performance, the perceived impact of our work, and, crucially, our identity. The icky feeing of rejection adds doubt into our minds and we might end up flipping the stories in our heads from ‘I’m really good at this’ to the more judgemental ‘maybe I’m not as capable as I thought I was’, or even an assumption that ‘I must have done something wrong’ as our brain searches for answers to fill the gap (and it usually looks inwards first!).”
When you hear ‘your role is up for redundancy’ as ‘you are a failure and we’re rejecting you’, it’s no wonder your self-confidence takes a huge hit. But the good news is that it can be rebuilt. How? Try these actionable steps.
Take some time to process
It’s tempting to rush straight into applying for new jobs or doing a whole personal rebrand. If you can, give yourself some time to pause and process your emotions first. “When you immediately start applying to jobs from a place of fear, it rarely has the results you’re looking for,” says Stallwood. “Start with a check in on yourself and how you’re feeling. Once you’ve got a handle on where you’re at as a human, then you can start doing the practical things that will support your next steps.”
Beware of eclipse szn, folks.
Fact-check your thoughts
When you’re made redundant, you’re told over and over that it’s not personal, just business. When people say this, it makes you want to scream. Of course, it’s personal because it’s happening to you. But there is some truth in the refrain. You have not been let go because you were terrible at your job or you made a huge mistake — the truth is that the business landscape is tough and companies are having to make cuts to stick around.
What’s key is to have the facts of the situation at the ready for when your emotions take over. Write out the reality and keep that somewhere handy. It can also help to know that you’re not alone in this. When I started sharing my experience online, I was so reassured by all the brilliant people who said they’d been made redundant, too – it made me think that if even they weren’t safe from the redundancy cycle, maybe my job loss wasn’t proof that I sucked.
Gather evidence
When your brain is telling you nonsense, you need to fact-check it. To do that, you need solid evidence that when it tells you you’re terrible, it’s wrong. Pull that together. Build a ‘sunshine folder’ of screenshots of positive feedback you’ve received, write down a list of everything you’ve ever accomplished, and create a Google doc of all the great things about you. It will feel uncomfortable (and likely cringe-inducing) at first, but having the cold, hard facts to disprove negative self-talk is hugely helpful. A bonus of this is that you can bring out all your bragging points when it’s time to apply for jobs or engage in self-promotion.
Not sure where to start? Stallwood recommends “a simple list of what you do well, the problems you help solve and the impact you’ve had”.
Build a skill
“Involving ourselves in hobbies or building a new skill builds self-efficacy,” explains Vignola, “which builds into self-confidence, which builds into self-esteem.” Showing yourself that you can do things, that you can learn something new, goes a long way in restoring belief in your abilities.
What if you could retire over and over and over again?
Get some social connection
The process of redundancy can be alienating. Colleagues don’t know what to say, there’s tension in the air, suddenly all your chats with your manager have HR involved, and at the end of it, you’re out of the office and suddenly without the usual social interactions that are part of being in full-time employment. The loneliness of redundancy is hard. And all that time alone can give your mind room to spiral into self-criticism. To stop that spiral, book in some time with people who know and love you.
Stallwood says: “Isolation can have a negative impact, so be deliberate about finding people to invest time with who remind you of your awesomeness (those fabulous cheerleaders) and support you with where you want to go. These may be former colleagues, friends, or people from your professional network. You may even want to invest in a mentor or coach for further support and accountability. Ask for a conversation, grab a coffee and be prepared to talk about what’s happened and how you’re really feeling – that’ll help them help you better.”
Look to the future
It’s natural to overthink the past – what could you have done differently? Why didn’t you see this coming?. “When we are going through redundancy, the brain has to recalibrate its internal belief system,” Vignola says. “It starts to amplify its error detection areas, and we retrospectively try to change things. We play out what we could have done differently because the brain is trying to solve the problem to get to a different solution.”
But we can’t change what’s happened. What we do have the power to change is what happens next. Rather than picking over what happened before the redundancy, consider everything you’ve learned from your employment and how you might be able to use it going forward.
Seek out small wins
Our brains love the feeling of solving a problem or completing a task. When your self-confidence is low, use this knowledge to give it a boost. “Setting tiny, clear daily goals may help,” suggests Stallwood. “Think ‘I’m going to reach out to my ex-colleague this morning’ or ‘I’m going to update my LinkedIn’. And name one success at the end of each day – however small.”
If that means adding things to your to-do list just for the sake of crossing them off, do so. It might feel silly to give yourself a pat on the back for drinking a glass of water, but those little wins add up – and Vignola notes our minds need as many of them as possible to counteract our natural negativity bias. It’s all about building yourself back up in tiny, achievable increments.
Stallwood adds: “Confidence isn’t restored in one big leap, it’s rebuilt through taking small steps to move you forward. Every kind word from a friend and tiny goal achievement will make a difference. Eventually, your self-belief will start to grow, and you’ll be able to close one chapter of your working life story and start a new one.”
Know that you’re so much more than just this one thing that happened to you
The initial gut punch of redundancy does start to fade into the distance, promise. Allow yourself time to feel the hurt, but know that it won’t last forever. You will get through this, you will keep doing brilliant things, and you will find a way forward.
Ellen C Scott is a freelance writer and editor as well as the author of Working On Purpose, the ultimate guide to working in a happier, healthier way.
