Sisterhood is starting to feel like a buzzword plastered everywhere, usually used to describe female empowerment and a sense of community. According to a quick Google search, it's “an association, society, or community of women linked by a common interest, religion or trade.”
Having grown up in London, the kind of city where individualism is lauded and cut-throat competition is commonplace, I rejected the idea of sisterhood for a long time. But over the years, as life has been life-ing, I've found deep solace in the friends I've made who have grown to become my sisters.
If Black women constantly have to walk on eggshells, where can we be our most vulnerable selves? Enter sisterhood. Black women's issues are all-encompassing, from constantly having our intelligence questioned to being labelled as "angry" or "problematic" for simply having an opinion. Cultivating sisterhood gives us the space to discover and embody our authentic selves unapologetically, without the need to conform or perform.
“Rage is a sacred and necessary energy that is part of our being and part of Earth.”
Eternity Martis talks about this in more depth in her book, They Said This Would Be Fun. She explains how sisterhood provides spaces where “Black women are allowed to be the opposite [of what society expects from us] – soft, emotional [and] vulnerable, safe.” These are spaces filled with overwhelming joy and laughter but also the room for us to admit that the burden of being resilient and strong can be unbearable.
Society has put such an emphasis on our romantic relationships that we tend to forget to nurture our sisterly bonds, which are equally – if not more – important. Recent social media trends have brought the term back into the limelight, with many users sharing their experiences of sisterhood and encouraging Black women to do the same.
It’s a reminder that underneath the image of a 'strong Black woman' and behind the shell of hyper-independence that many of us wear for protection, we do have the capacity to love, support, and show up for others while also receiving. Sisterhood has taught me that I don't need to suffer to receive the love I rightfully deserve, which is a liberating feeling.
Having solid sisterhoods gives us the confidence to step into a world defined by anti-blackness because let's face it: being a Black woman in society is complex. It's a safe space where Black women can be for and about themselves amongst people who just get it.
While not all sisterhoods are the same, there is a solid argument for the development that comes with having a strong community around you. Shows like Harlem, Girlfriends, and Insecure depict the beauty of modern-day sisterhood, but they also showcase the highs and lows that come with navigating those types of friendships as you grow. One thing all these shows have in common is the fact that Black women hugely benefit from having – and I will go as far as to say need – sisterhood, a group of friends or actual sisters that they can both relate to and feel vulnerable around.
To me, sisterhood is not just about good vibes and in-jokes; it is a place I can go to remember who I am and where I’m going. Through sisterhood, I've learned not to take things too personally because everyone has their own issues. It’s helped me to understand how I can be there for the ones I love while also helping me understand my own triggers. Not to mention providing a safe space for me to let my hair down, literally.
Black women can never win – especially ones who dare to marry into the symbol of (white) elitism that is the royal family.
My sisterhood became a massive lifeline of support for me while dealing with misogynoir, grief, and loss. When no words were enough to soothe the emotions I felt, I learned the importance of simply showing up for the people I love. You see, sisterhood is your friend showing up at your house with food to watch a show they've probably seen a hundred times already, just because it makes you happy, and by the night's end, you've both been laughing so hard all life's difficulties seem to have disappeared.
It’s the feeling of going through yet another breakup and crying about it to your friend while she restrains from telling you “I told you so” even though she did, indeed, tell you so, multiple times in fact. It’s the feeling of getting a cab home with your friend after the motive and her texting to make sure you got home safe and had a good night. It’s accountability without judgement, care without expectation, slowly healing wounds together while jointly manifesting your wildest dreams.
Growing up, some of my fondest memories with friends have taken place outside our favourite chicken shop, ordering the same four wings and chips, which our parents told us not to buy because there’s rice at home. Or at the back of the bus, hysterically laughing as our friend tries to prove the boy she likes is better looking in real life and just not that good at taking pictures. The point is, your sisterhood doesn’t need to be the most glamorous – it’s about cultivating a space where those life-long sister-friendships can grow, weathering ups and downs and the discomfort of not always seeing eye to eye, learning how to give others the grace we so desperately yearn for ourselves.
Kumba Kpakima is GLAMOUR's Associate Social Media Manager.
