We've all heard of the mid-life crisis, but the quarter-life crisis is a very real thing, too. In fact, it's not unusual for people in their mid-twenties to thirties to find themselves questioning where their life is going, or feeling unsatisfied or stuck with where they're at.
Positive psychology coach Elle Mace describes a quarter life crisis as “a period of confusion, stress and anxiety typically experienced by young adults in their mid to late twenties as they struggle to find their place in the world and define their identity”.
It is often associated with “self-doubt, restlessness, anxiety, and depression as one transitions from the relative security of school or college to the uncertain world of career, university and adult responsibilities where one has to deal with the physical and situational changes but also the emotional ones as well, relationships, social media pressures and friendships.”
While this might sound daunting, Mace says it's a pretty common experience. “These can be the biggest, most transformational years of someone's life, so that instantly comes with pressure,” she says. “Historically people have found their career, bought houses and started families in their twenties – however this is very different now. But that old fashioned timeline can still add pressure to those still feeling lost or ‘behind’ in life.”
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So if you're feeling a little lost in life right now, you're not alone – and there are plenty of practical ways you can deal with a quarter-life crisis.
Expert tips for dealing with a quarter-life crisis
Find your passion
When work and stress overtake our lives, it's natural to feel a sense of meaningless. However, this can be a great impulse to “explore your passions and find something you’re truly excited about,” says Mace. She advises: “Consider trying out different hobbies, classes, or areas of study to see what resonates with you.”
Seek professional help
It can be tempting to try and deal with all these feelings on your own but sometimes a little professional help can go for in help you feel unstuck, says Mace – particularly a therapist or life coach who specialises in this particular area. “If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unable to make sense of your feelings, it can be helpful to talk to a professional, who can help you work through your anxiety.”
Reflect on your current situation
“Take an honest look at your current situation and identify any obstacles that might be standing in your way,” says Mace. Are you self-sabotaging by using social media too much, or putting time and energy into the wrong kinds of friendships or relationships? An honest evaluation of your life might be a crucial step to turning things around.
Take care of yourself
Self-care is important when you're feeling at your lowest ebb. This doesn't have to be expensive – simply taking care of your sleep regime, for instance, can go a long way, says Mace. She says: “Don’t forget to take care of your physical and mental health during this time. Make sure you’re eating healthy, exercising, getting enough sleep, drinking water, go back to the basic foundations.”
Identify your values and goals
Rather than taking cues from those around you, tuning in to what you, as an individual, care about can help you rise above the temptation of comparing yourself to others. “Spend time reflecting on what is important to you and the direction you want your life to go,” is Mace's advice – journaling can be a useful tool for this, as can having a goal-setting session with a friend.
Get organised
Once you've got those goals in check, the next step is putting them into action. Even creating a plan will give you a sense of control over your future life.
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Seek out advice
While professional intervention is one way to go, intervention from trusted friends and family – particularly those who a little older and therefore have hindsight on their own “quarter life” doubts – might help you gain a valuable new perspective.
Take small steps
Rome wasn't built in a day; and you won't resolve your quarter life woes in one single action. However, making small, incremental changes might create a forward momentum, allowing you to shift your life's direction in a significant way.
Set realistic goals
Again, be gentle with yourself: vowing to get promoted, or land yourself in a loving relationship, overnight will only reinforce the (wrong) sense that you are failing. Setting “achievable goals” will help you “stay motivated and on track,” says Mace.
