In March 2020, when the pandemic reached British shores, I was 26 years old. The 30 milestone was still a blip on the horizon, and I still had so much left of my twenties to enjoy, right? Yet, three and a half years later as a newly-minted 30-year-old, it feels as if no time has passed. Most days I’m convinced I’m still 28, my brain struggling to comprehend that time is racing by.
I’m not the only one who feels like this. It’s a phenomenon that has been coined by The Cut as the ‘pandemic skip’.
One TikTok user, @lnappsylife, described it perfectly, saying that the ‘pandemic skip’ is particularly prevalent for women who were in their mid-twenties when Covid hit and who are reaching their thirties now.
With a milestone birthday looming, Laura Hampson reflects on her 20s and why it’s OK if what you planned doesn’t always work out.
“[We are] feeling the pressures of the biological clock, the pressures of getting married, the pressures of getting engaged,” she says in the video that has been viewed nearly 400,000 times. “And how our bodies are basically three years ahead of our brain. People who were 26 and 27 and who are now 30 and 31 are feeling like there is so much more to be done and so those years, those late twenties years, are so crucial. A lot of people are travelling during that time, a lot of people are getting higher up the career ladder at that time. I think it’s really coming to fruition now, some of the things we have been missing out on, and our minds are just not caught up with our bodies.”
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Users were quick to agree, with one person writing: “It’s a relief this is being spoken about more. It’s been driving me bonkers for the past year and a half feeling like I’m almost grieving the time and experiences lost.”
Another added: “I entered the pandemic at 27 and then all of a sudden was 30, and it’s all so confusing and disjointed.”
Psychologist Nova Cabban describes the pandemic skip as the “sense that we have missed out a chunk of time, growth and opportunity as a result of our lives going on pause during the pandemic”.
“As a result of this ‘missing time’ there is a disconnect between the stage of our lives we feel we are at and the reality of the age and stage we are in,” she explains.
I need respite from the overwhelming pressure of living up to ‘city life’, and deciding to move back to Wales felt like finally acknowledging where I’d been mentally stuck for the past two years.
One of the reasons why we are feeling this pause in time so keenly is due to the disruption that the pandemic had on our typical routines and life events that mark personal growth and development, Counselling Directory member Jenny Warwick says.
“The pandemic forced us all to put our plans on hold, leading to a feeling of stagnation,” she adds. “As well as this, the prolonged stress and uncertainty experienced contributed to a sense of timelessness. Our minds were focused on survival rather than personal growth.”
Cabban adds that our emotional state can also alter our perception of time. “When we are anxious, this state can make it seem like time is passing slowly because we are processing a lot of details,” she says. “When we are calm, time is hardly noticed because we are focused on one thing and blocking out other external sources of information and therefore time appears to move more quickly. So depending on how you experienced the pandemic and how you emotionally reacted to it, you will have a perception of that time having passed quickly or slowly.”
One of the benefits of the pandemic being global (I say ‘benefit’ loosely here, all in all it's been pretty bleak) was that this pandemic skip was a collective experience felt by all.
“This means that your peers are more likely to be in the same timelapse state as you and in this way we aren’t behind on anything,” Cabban says. She adds that while we may feel aligned with our peers socially, if we personally want to realign our brains and our bodies, there are three things we can do:
- Remap your time over the pandemic: Cabban suggests creating a visual timeline to fill in the blanks so that you can view that passage of time more easily. This will allow you to remember and process your experiences.
- Accept what has happened: “Acceptance is really the only way to restart momentum when things have stalled,” Cabban says. “Acknowledge the way you feel, that things feel out of sync, that you missed out on some key experiences and look for what was gained too.”
- Reset your goals and ambitions: Just because you may feel like time has been stagnant doesn’t mean the goals you had for yourself at 26 aren’t still achievable at 30. “You may have lost some time but big experiences like these can be incredible opportunities to reset our direction and purpose to align with what we really care about,” Cabban says.
If you’re worried about lost time or missed milestones, Cabban reassures that this is due to cognitive biases that makes us feel like we ‘should’ have something done by a certain time.
“Look for examples of people doing what you want to do, or examples that show you that your thoughts are only a limited view and not the entire map, this can ease the burden of feeling you are behind or that what you want is lost or unavailable to you,” she adds.
It can leave us questioning our worth, our value, and if we're even lovable.
Cabban also warns not to make major life decisions if you are feeling pressured because you don’t feel like you are where you should be.
“Take a step back and ask yourself what is it that you really want? If it is to reach a milestone in step with your peers that’s completely understandable, however, take time to ask yourself where this pressure or desire is really coming from,” she says. “Is it from friends and family, society in general, from a set of beliefs or cultural expectations? If so, then take time to reflect on what is really important to you.”
For women in their late twenties or early thirties who may be feeling the extra pressure of the biological clock, Warwick says it’s important to recognise that it can be liberating to let go of rigid timelines.
“Life unfolds differently for everyone, and there is no one-size-fits-all path to happiness,” she says. “By building self-awareness and self-acceptance, you can make choices that align with your values and desires rather than outside societal pressures.”
