Sunday scaries are a real thing, but anxiety hits me especially hard the week before a bank holiday.
That’s because there’s a three-day holiday on the horizon, and like with most big, social times, I have zero plans. So I scroll through old text threads, seeing if there’s somebody I might hit up. More often than not, I don’t reach out. Perhaps I don’t want to appear desperate. If they really wanted to see me, they would have invited me by now, I somberly tell myself. Then, once the weekend arrives, that nervous pit in my tummy turns into heavy, whole-body sluggishness when I see endless posts of airport mimosas and family barbecues.
As a single 34-year-old woman, I never feel more alone in life than I do on a bank holiday weekend.
I often think I’m the only one who feels this way, but this experience is actually common, says Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD. “You see people at the beach and going to fun places with friends and family. You might think, ‘I'm a failure. No one cares about me.’”
If you know that the bank holiday weekend – or the arrival of summer in general – makes you feel low, experts say that you can map out your weekend and adjust your mindset to feel a little bit better. Here are some ways to do that.
Book these days off ASAP.
Pinpoint what energises you and incorporate it into a new bank holiday traditions
Although it seems counterintuitive, the summer months can contribute to sadness, says Dr. Lombardo. “For some people, the heat is too much,” she explains. “If we felt lonely or bullied in summer as a child, some of those traumas can be stored in our subconscious.”
There’s also cultural pressure to do quintessential “summery” things, like grilling, hanging out at a lido, or drinking a cold beer, says Gail Saltz, MD, a psychiatrist and clinical associate professor of psychiatrist. If I’m being 100% real with myself, I don’t like any of those activities. (This isn’t a country music video – I get hot, sweaty, and bored laying out, and beer tastes rancid to me.)
Basically, Dr. Saltz says you should treat this weekend like any other, but prioritise stuff that actually makes you happier. “If you spend the entire holiday weekend at home doing little things that make you feel nice, that would be a successful holiday weekend,” she says. “There’s not some rule that defines how you spend your time as good or bad, successful or unsuccessful.”
She suggests writing (or just jotting in your phone) the last time you felt truly energised while alone: Were you churning through the pages of a spicy book, getting lost in the artwork at a local museum, or screaming at your TV during a Real Housewives spat? If those things brighten your day, give yourself permission to enjoy them when you have time off, no matter how silly, small, or unproductive they might seem, Dr. Saltz stresses.
Dr. Lombardo suggests turning some of those feel-good activities into new traditions. “You can tell yourself that every holiday weekend, you’ll get a half-hour massage, for example– something to treat yourself that you can look forward to,” she suggests.
Personally, I feel most exhilarated while exercising in nature, so I’ll likely explore a new hiking trail. Dr. Lombardo says that movement can often improve your mood, but only lace up if you’re confident it’ll make you feel better. The same goes for mindfulness, she stresses: “Meditation can be good for some people, but for others it can put them in a place where they dwell on things and start judging themselves.” Yes, it can be a super effective mental health tool – but if you’re not familiar with it, maybe don’t feel obligated to pick it up on a holiday weekend.
There’s no one “right” way to do it, either.
Take a break from social media and apps that stress you out (including dating ones)
Even if you know, logically, that posts on Instagram and TikTok are highly filtered to showcase the very best camera-ready moments – and you suspect there was probably more than one booze-induced blowout fight during that girls trip to Marbella – it’s still hard for your brain to tell the difference, Dr. Saltz says.
“No matter how many times people tell you, or you tell yourself, that what you're seeing is curated, it doesn't matter,” she explains. “There's some reality to it. Those humans were there, and your mind is going to make a comparison.” (The girls may be fighting, but they’re still together, while I watch them at home, alone.) “I often tell my clients, on holiday weekends or any time they’re not feeling confident or connected, don’t be as present on social media,” Dr. Saltz reiterates.
The same goes for any stress-inducing app, Dr. Lombardo says. “Get off the news channels,” she urges. “It may have nothing to do with you being lonely, but it could cause distress.” Basically, Dr. Lombardo notes that those election or war headlines might be messing with your mood without you even knowing.
Consider silencing Bumble and Hinge if you’re single. “The situation they create is so dismal,” Dr. Saltz says. “It has brought out the ease with which people don’t treat other people like human beings.” So while it’s a good idea to seek out new connections via meet-up groups or volunteering, she notes that scheduling a romantic date – where you might get ghosted or have a less-than-enjoyable experience – can maybe wait until the week after.
I moved home during the Covid pandemic, and the cost of living crisis has kept me here. In fact, I want my boyfriend to move in, too.
Don’t be afraid to reach out.
When you’re glued to your couch scrolling through Instagram, it can be easy to assume you’re the only person on the planet without a weekend game plan. But that’s probably not the case, Dr. Saltz says. “Chances are, there are some people in your circle who are feeling the exact same way,” she notes. And while the thought of rejection might make you feel nauseated, Dr. Saltz says that a bit of honesty can go a long way. “Use authentic language,” she notes. “Humans really respond to vulnerability and intimacy.” Here’s what a sample text script might look like:
Hey, I realised I haven’t made any plans this weekend! Are you doing anything, and if so, could I join you? It would be fun to see you – to be honest, I’ve been feeling a bit lonely lately and would love to hang!
Even if you are reaching out to someone who’s just an acquaintance (or you haven’t spoken to in a while), that’s perfectly okay. You don’t have to initiate a hangout either – just reaching out for a small moment of human connection can be beneficial for your mood. “It comes down to a sense of mattering,” Dr. Lombardo explains.
“A two- or three-sentence text telling a person that you appreciate them for whatever reason can help you feel so much happier and more fulfilled.”
Volunteer or sign up for a class if being with others energises you.
If you aren’t sure what solo stuff will motivate you, or you’d rather be around people over the holiday, try signing up for a class or meet-up group, Dr. Saltz says. She recommends looking for ones centred around a particular interest (say, knitting, football, or cooking).
Again, if you’re having trouble landing on a hobby, pick something super easy: For example, if you drink alcohol, you can sign up for a wine-tasting session, Dr. Saltz suggests. “Really, most all communities will have something going on over big holiday weekends.” If you live in a bigger city, sites like TimeOut often spotlight events. MeetUp.com and Facebook Groups are two other places to find things that are happening in your community.
Another good option: volunteering. “Communities are often found in helping others,” Dr. Saltz explains. “[Try] a local soup kitchen or clean up the park. You're going to meet other people with similar concerns about the environment or community.” Giving back can help give you a sense of purpose and reduce depression, research has shown.
This article was originally published on SELF.
“Not to spoil the ending but everything is going to be OK”.
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