Humans have spent millennia going to wild extremes to stay forever young. It's said that sixteenth-century countess Elizabeth Bathory bathed in the blood of virgins. The Ancient Romans and Greeks smothered themselves in crocodile dung. Last year, salmon sperm facials hit the mainstream. And that millionaire who wants to live forever injected fat from a human donor into his face.
But what if the secret to eternal youth didn’t come in a serum, injection or cream? What if all you needed to do was stay single?
When Katharine Keton posted a TikTok last year about being single at 39, she wasn’t expecting so many people to confidently jump to the conclusion that she looked young because she was single. The comments completely bypassed factors like genetics, skincare or cosmetic treatments. “Those comments honestly make me laugh,” she says, “but they also make me wonder if there’s some truth to the theory, especially because it comes up again and again.”
From PDRN skincare to TikTok-viral aegyosal pens.
When beautiful, single women share their experience online, they often garner a similar response, reflecting a popular theory that single women age more slowly – a far cry from historical depictions of old maids or social misfits who had been ‘left on the shelf’. An oft-referenced 2019 study by behavioural science professor Paul Dolan revealed that single women tend to live longer, happier lives than their married counterparts. If single women live longer, the online theory suggests, then it would make sense for them to age more slowly, too. “Relationships take work,” says Katharine. “Raising children is physically and hormonally intense. Sleep deprivation is real, and self-care often comes last.”
It’s no secret that chronic stress and lack of sleep are two of the leading factors in accelerated ageing. Harley Street skin expert Alice Henshaw concurs. “Stress, poor sleep, poor diet, and environmental factors all contribute to inflammation,” she says, “and that can break down collagen, impair skin repair, and accelerate wrinkles and sagging. Chronic stress from any source, including relationships, can indirectly impact how skin ages.”
Of course, being single is not a shortcut to avoiding stress entirely. It comes with its own emotional and practical struggles, from stigma and loneliness to having no one to split rent with or look after you when you’re ill. However, psychotherapist Lucy Beresford suggests that romantic relationships are a unique source of stress because they are accompanied by such heightened emotions. “Relationships are very important to us,” she says, “and if they’re not working, the impact on you can be disproportionate to what the actual problem is. Feeling lonely and unheard within your primary relationship is an incredibly stressful situation and can often feel quite existential.”
Beyond stress reduction, single, child-free women report having more time to focus on their well-being and appearance. Katharine shared a follow-up video outlining her lifestyle and skincare routine while also being transparent about the cosmetic treatments she has had, including Botox. “Historically, things like skincare, makeup, style, movement and mental health, especially when prioritised over marriage or children, have been labelled as selfish,” she says. “What I’ve realised as I’ve gotten older is that taking care of myself first actually makes me a happier, healthier person to be around. It makes me sharper at work, a better daughter, friend, aunt and sister.”
However, the problem with the notion that single women age more slowly is that it still focuses the conversation on physical appearance, reinforcing the idea that a woman’s value lies in her youth. Championing singleness may feel radical and liberatory – and, in many cases, it is – but framing it around looking youthful repackages the same societal pressures in a different font.
“The downside is that we're focusing too much on what a woman looks like,” adds Beresford. “That’s not the metric against which anybody should be valued or judged. It reinforces that old-fashioned view that you're only worth something if you're youthful and conventionally beautiful.”
Linking relationships with stress also oversimplifies the causes of accelerated ageing, ignoring other primary factors like sun damage and genetics. “Being single doesn’t inherently slow skin ageing,” explains Henshaw. “The truth is that skin ageing is far more complex. Managing stress, prioritising self-care and protecting your skin from the sun make a far greater difference in how youthful your skin looks over time.”
“I'm not sexualising him, I just find him very attractive.”
Stress is a leading factor, but not all physical signs of ageing come from negative experiences or unhealthy habits. Being single can be more peaceful, yes, but this theory also runs the risk of assuming that emotional closeness causes harm; that the best way for women to stay young is to avoid vulnerability altogether. It ignores the fact that some signs of ageing come from joyful moments too; missing out on sleep because you stayed up too late with someone you love, or sunbathing on holiday with your partner on the coast of Spain.
Online, we can see and judge a person’s physical appearance much more immediately than we can judge their health or happiness. This flattens and oversimplifies complex conversations about singleness and appearance. Anecdotally, there does seem to be some truth to the idea that happily single women look younger. Just as women in happy relationships seem more youthful than those in draining ones.
Single or not, we are all going to age anyway. Perhaps the secret to staying young is not staying single, but living a life that fulfils you from the inside out – without letting a partner hold you back or drag you down. That’s why conversations that paint singledom as aspirational are so important. They give us alternative models for happiness. Older women sharing their experiences online offer an alternative script for the future – one where you can be happy, healthy, and vibrant at any age, partnered or not.
A quick look at my archive took me back to an era of filters, Facetune, and rigid beauty ideals for Black women.
