In case you hadn't heard, having a boyfriend is, like, really embarrassing now. At least, it is according to this viral Vogue essay. And the countless social media reactions that followed.
The embarrassing boyfriend discourse comes alongside a notable rise in heteropessimism, a term coined in a New Inquiry piece to refer to “performative disaffiliations with heterosexuality, usually expressed in the form of regret, embarrassment or hopelessness about straight experience."
Basically, the trend seems to be that people who like, love, date and marry men are becoming rather tired of all of the stuff that can often come with a relationship with a straight guy — you know, stuff like putting up with an imbalanced domestic workload, imbalanced pay, imbalanced childcare duties, imbalanced… most things.
All of this being said, it's hardly surprising that many straight women are kind of over the whole being-into-stereotypical-straight-guys thing. If having a boyfriend is embarrassing, having an aggressively macho man type boyfriend is even more embarrassing. It's no wonder, then, that a few unexpected “types” of internet boyfriends have risen from the sidelines in recent months. This summer, for instance, the girlies found themselves daydreaming about “hot rodent" boyfriends — yes, I'm talking guys with rat-like features and a certain charming, sly, weedy je ne sais quoi. Think Josh O'Connor and Mike Faist in Challengers or Jeremy Allen White of The Bear. We also found ourselves proudly simping after “black cat” boyfriends — aka, soft, gentle, sensitive, brooding boyfriend types thanks to the likes of Conrad Fisher from The Summer I Turned Pretty, Marcus from Ginny and Georgia and Will from Too Much.
From dating safety apps like Tea to ‘are we dating the same guy’ sub-Reddits, it feels like women who date men are more fatigued than ever. When did being straight become so embarrassing?
As the darker months of winter set in, a new boy seems to be stealing our hearts: the full-on monster guy. Yes, apparently, we are all kind of into actual monsters now.
Leading the charge of the hot monster guys is Jacob Elordi's Creature from Guillermo del Toro's Frankenstein, which landed on Netflix last week. A ghostly patchwork quilt of various body parts pulled from dead soldiers, he's hardly the most obvious on-screen hottie. And yet, the girlies can't get enough.
“Just to clarify, I'm not sexualising him, I just find him very attractive,” one TikTok fanvid caption reads. “If being attracted to a creature is a crime, then I'd be sentenced to life,” reads another. And one X post: “Victor Frankenstein giving the creature long, beautiful lashes and expressive eyes that are reminiscent of that of a sad puppy…….so true”
What is it about this monster that is so hot? Is it those lashes and eyes? The perfectly formed patchwork body? The towering height? Those long flowing locks? Yes. But it is also the character that Elordi so beautifully portrays: a lonely, suffering, pure soul, the creature wants nothing more than to find companionship and love, but is destined for an eternal life of violence and mistrust. He begins his life chained up by his creator and, upon his escape, is shot at, feared, and repelled by society. Elizabeth, the only person who accepts him, who feels a sort of kindred connection with him, is killed — and he is blamed for it.
It's no wonder he himself becomes violent and ultimately seeks his revenge. Yes, he's a monster, but under his (not actually all that) grotesque form, he's just misunderstood. No wonder the gals are obsessed.
But the hype around hot monster guys has been bubbling away for a little while. Last year, Robert Eggers brought us Count Orlock, a decaying evil vampire, in his remake of Nosferatu. He was creepy, hideous, literally decaying before our eyes… but some of us were kind of into it.
“OK, I'll Say It — Count Orlok Is Hot,” one Collider essay stated. “Count Orlok Is 2024's Sexiest Man,” a Men's Health article also pronounced.
Played by a transformed Bill Skarsgård, Orlock was terrifying, with his deep, rumbling voice, decaying skin, very serious moustache, and wardrobe of ancient aristocrat garb.
Not classically attractive, but there's a reason why vampires have always had a certain allure — even the ones that don't sparkle like Edward Cullen. He is, after all, a symbol of Ellen's (Lily Rose Depp) repressed sexual desires. While succumbing to Orlock will mean a pretty grisly death for Ellen, it also, metaphorically at least, represents the sort of connection she could never hope to have with (sorry) boring, pretty boy, Thomas (Nicholas Hoult). It's dark, mysterious, kind of kinky.
Last year also brought us Walton Goggins' Ghoul in Fallout. Once a kind-hearted man, the Ghoul has become a heartless, decaying cowboy stalking the post-nuclear apocalypse world.
Mutated by radiation exposure and hardened by, you know, seeing the collapse of civilisation, the Ghoul is the show's villain… but, apparently, with all of his cruelty, he's still kind of hot.
“Got a crush on the scary cowboy,” one fan wrote alongside some fan art. “Fallout in December… Hot ghoul winter?” another fan wrote after the second season's December release date was announced.
Even Goggins knew his creepy monster was going to be something of a sex symbol. “That was a big part of the discussion,” he told Entertainment Tonight. “We wanted him to be kinda sexy.”
And finally, we've got Vecna. Yes, Vecna, the disgusting, fleshy monster in Stranger Things. Obviously, he's extremely hot pre-the-upside-down when he looks like Jamie Campbell Bower. But, apparently, the whole slimy, disintegrating thing works for some people, too.
“Am I the only one who thinks Vecna is kind of hot?” wrote one person on Reddit. “Vecna on fire is kinda hot though…” another wrote on Tumblr. In fact, enough people seem to be into Vecna that Campbell-Bower was actually asked by BuzzFeed to react to Vecna thirst tweets.
The logical question is… why? Why are we all into monsters all of a sudden?
The candle promises “a sensorial experience like no other.”
Well, evidently, it goes beyond the creepy exterior. For many of these monsters, the grotesque exterior hides a soft, hard-to-reach interior. The Ghoul, for instance, was once a loving, protective dad. Vecna was once a misunderstood kid. Elordi's Creature is, effectively, just a traumatised pure soul.
All of this instantly triggers the somewhat dangerous I can fix him instinct impulses so many of us seem to harbour. After all, there's a certain appeal to the idea of a guy who everyone else thinks is a total creep, but who you have the emotional depth to really see and understand. How special! How sexy!
Plus, there's the obvious: a dangerous, unpredictable, monstrous man who can reach his inner softness with the right person is (also somewhat dangerously) kind of hot.
Then there's the heteropessimism of it all. Because, ultimately, if you're going to commit the embarrassing act of having a boyfriend, at least make sure he's really, really interesting and not like the other boys. And what could be more unique than, you know, a monster?
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