Warning: spoilers for Love Is Blind season 8, episodes one to six, ahead.
Love Is Blind viewers may have already crowned Dave Bettenburg as this season’s obligatory villain for his variety of questionable statements and antics, but there’s something else affecting the relationships in the pods.
But let’s use Dave as a jumping-off point. Throughout the first five episodes, the medical sales rep struggled to choose between Molly Rose Mullaney, a 30-year-old former cheerleader, and Lauren O’Brien, a 31-year-old former teacher. Though he told Molly she was his “number one” during their second to last date (even asking her about her engagement ring preferences), he just couldn’t let go of his connection with Lauren, especially when she threatened to leave.
Once Lauren said: “I don’t need to be here right now,” it was over for Molly.
Why? More often than not, Love Is Blind contestants with multiple suitors choose the person who shows less devotion. While this pattern has always been detectible, it was impossible to miss in season 8, where it factored into not just Dave’s journey, but multiple love triangles in the pods.
And experts say this pattern is not uncommon, on television or in real life.
“We always value what we have to work for,” Wendy Walsh, PhD in clinical psychology and professor at California State University Channel Islands, tells GLAMOUR. “Regardless of gender, we have this idea that if we sacrifice for somebody, or somebody doesn’t like us quite enough, that they must be more valuable.”
It didn’t matter that Dave had just told Molly her lack of ultimatums made him “like her more.” Once Lauren admitted she was willing to go home, it seemed he was going to do whatever it took to make her stay.
The two women involved in the messiest love triangle from season 8 share their perspectives on what really went down in the pods.
Perhaps that’s why our favourite art dealer, Leo Braudy, threw a tantrum when Hannah Jiles chose Nick Dorka over him in season 7, despite having much more chemistry with Brittany Wisniewski, a woman he did not marry but remains close friends with.
And though Trevor Sova from season 6 was convinced Chelsea Blackwell chose Jimmy Presnell because he proposed first, it’s obvious Jimmy’s connection with another gorgeous contestant, Jessica Vestal, helped make him more attractive to Chelsea, sight unseen.
We see this pattern continue in season 8. Though Madison Errichiello was dating two men this season, she seemed to fall into the same instinctual trap with Alex Brown, who had no other known connections. When he first started pulling away over their conflicting attachment styles, she felt the need to prove her ability to combat her avoidant behavior—all while detaching more and more from Mason Horacek, who was also dating Meg Fink.
While these isolated incidents may seem like completely different scenarios, it all comes down to the same pattern of behaviour. Just look at Mason, who claimed he was “committed” to Madison once she had already disengaged, a declaration he later regretted.
According to Dr Walsh, we have a “cognitive bias” toward the person we perceive as “hard to get,” whether or not that’s actually the case (you can watch the 2006 classic John Tucker Must Die to see this in action).
Unfortunately for these four, Alex realized he wasn’t ready to get engaged to Madison, who had Mason all tied up in knots trying to prove his worth to her.
By the time Mason realised he actually had a deeper connection with Meg, she was unwilling to feel like a second choice. And while many viewers might wish that pair made it past the pods, I’m honestly proud of her for breaking this cycle.
Of course, there is much more nuance to all of these relationships than can be summed up in one article. For example, Dave spoke openly about wanting a partner unlike anyone he’s previously dated, which could have contributed to his final decision.
Meanwhile, Madison seemed wary of Mason’s intentions throughout the experiment, calling him “elusive” and cringing during multiple dates. But once you recognize this pattern, it’s much easier to bet on the couples that will make it out of the pods, for better or worse.
This predictable behaviour doesn’t necessarily make any of these people villains; it just makes them human. While we may not all have access to Love Is Blind pods, these dynamics play out every day in the real world, especially on dating apps that offer little more than photos and snippets of information.
“[Dating app users] suffer from Paradox of Choice, which is that the more choice you have, the less likely you are to make a choice,” Dr Walsh says. “And when you do make a choice, you value it less, because you’re thinking about the bigger, better deal that got away.”
To avoid this paradox, Dr Walsh suggests intentionally narrowing down your dating pool. “Never match with more than two people at once on an app,” she advises. “Then only talk to those two and then eliminate one.” Lather, rinse, repeat until end game.
But if you ever wind up going on Love Is Blind, know your worth…and try not to pick a Dave.
This article originally appeared on GLAMOUR US
