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Before we deep dive into how to use lube, let us say this — it’s time lubricant got a rebrand. For too long, it’s been saddled with stigma, weighed down by outdated notions about ageing or a so-called ‘lack’ of arousal. The prevailing myth? That lube is a quick fix, a medical aid, a necessary evil if you haven’t had enough foreplay.
But here’s your PSA: lube isn’t a painkiller, it’s a vitamin. In other words, not a last resort, but a way to supercharge your sex life. Whether you’re flying solo with a great sex toy or getting down with a partner, the right lube can make all the difference.
And yes, we said the right lube. Too often, people reach for the cheap, sticky stuff that kills the mood and ruins their bed sheets. But modern lubes are a whole different story: chic, body-safe, and tailored to just about every preference (and yes, every hole).
So, let’s slip into the essentials — hydration, quality, placement — and bust some myths along the way.
Water-based lubricants to pop in your bedside table.
Meet the experts:
| Anne Henderson | Consultant gynaecologist on behalf of NAYDAYA. |
| Emily King | Sexologist at SheSpot. |
| Anna Richards | Founder of ethical erotica platform FrolicMe. |
| Lauren Short | Founder of Ples’Jour. |
How do I know if I need lube?
For some, lube still carries the same stigma as vibrators in the bedroom — a supposed threat to their partner’s ego. Too often, people avoid using it just to people-please. But bad idea, bestie. “The stigma surrounds a correlation that if a woman isn’t aroused enough, she needs lube, yet arousal and lubrication don’t necessarily go hand in hand,” explains Anna Richards, founder of ethical porn platform, FrolicMe.
Suggesting lube isn’t a mood-killer or a sign you’re not turned on. In reality, a host of factors can affect your body’s natural lubrication, from menopause, ageing, and childbirth to stress, illness, hormones, medications, and even certain toiletries.
Take ageing, for instance. “Conversations about menopause often raise the topic of dryness and vaginal atrophy, when in fact additional moisturising and lubrication can be a pleasure enhancer at any stage of life for both men and women,” Richards notes. “During menopause and perimenopause, estrogen levels decrease, which can lead to vaginal dryness, pain with penetration, and sometimes pain in the vulvar vestibule.” As a result, many turn to products like NAYDAYA’s Victory Oil to treat external vaginal dryness. But what about internal dryness?
Beyond comfort, lube also has other health benefits. “Lube can reduce discomfort and friction, which in turn lowers the risk of vaginal micro-trauma,” says Anne Henderson, consultant gynaecologist on behalf of NAYDAYA. “Friction can cause tiny tears in the skin, which may increase the risk of STIs, as well as yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis (BV), since bacteria can enter the body through these tears. Lube doesn’t prevent infection, but it does minimise the risk.”
Crucially, lube isn’t just about dryness. “Too often, it’s framed as a remedy when in reality it can transform any intimate moment into something smoother, more sensual, and more connected,” adds Lauren Short, founder of Ples’Jour.
How to choose a lube:
We’ve all gotten choosier about what we put on our faces and in our hair, so why not apply the same standards to what goes downstairs? The wrong lube can throw off your pH balance, and the consequences (hello, itching, infections, and discomfort) can linger for weeks. With endless options on the shelves, here’s what our experts recommend when picking the perfect lube.
“Look for high-quality, emollient, and nourishing ingredients — think hyaluronic acid — and steer clear of scents and flavours to reduce the risk of irritation and sensitivity,” says Henderson. “Avoid toxic chemicals such as petroleum and parabens,” adds Richards. “These can cause irritation or increase your risk of infections like yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis, which may also exacerbate menopause symptoms. Parabens, in particular, have been linked to cancer.”
So, when shopping for lube, consult the following checklist:
- Where do you plan to use it? Vaginal and anal sex have different needs (anal requires a thicker, longer-lasting formula).
- Will you use it with condoms? Oil-based lubes can degrade latex, so stick to silicone- or water-based lubes if condoms are involved.
- Will you use it with sex toys? Silicone lube + silicone toy = nope. Opt for water-based instead.
- Will you use it in water (like the shower)? Water-based lubes will wash right off; silicone lubes hold up better.
- Do you have sensitive skin or a history of infections? Look for glycerin-free formulas to reduce the risk of irritation and yeast infections.
- How long do you want it to last? Water-based lubes are versatile but may need reapplication, while silicone-based stay silky longer.
- Do you want extra effects? Some lubes are warming, cooling, or tingling — but patch test first, since they can irritate.
Bottom line: the best lube is the one that fits your body, your sex life, and your sheets.
How do I use lube?
There’s a bit of an art to lube application — or at least a few ground rules to make sure things stay sexy, not sticky.
First up: less is more. A pea-sized amount is usually plenty for water-based lubes; silicone-based can go even further. You can always add more as things heat up, but too much too soon might leave you sliding around like you’re in a rom-com blooper reel.
Apply it to your fingertips first and smooth it over the area (or toy) rather than squirting straight from the bottle onto your body. This helps distribute it evenly and avoids that dreaded cold splat. “Apply it carefully so you don’t cross-contaminate the bottle,” Henderson advises. “Be especially mindful if using a product both vaginally and anally, as the risk of contamination increases. I recommend applying the product to fingertips and then to skin to avoid the bottle touching intimate areas.”
And remember: lube isn’t just for penetration. “One of the best ways to get the most out of it is to bring it into foreplay,” suggests Short. “Just a few drops of silicone lube can heighten touch and transform massages. Don’t be afraid to experiment — add it to different kinds of touch, mutual exploration, toys, or even a slow back rub — and notice how it amplifies closeness in ways you might not expect.”
Pro tip: keep a towel or wipe nearby to deal with any excess, and reapply as needed. Think of it less as a one-off product, more as an ongoing accessory to play with.
Mythbusters: Lube Edition
Now it’s time to tackle the questions everyone has about lube, but doesn’t always ask. Consider this your ultimate cheat sheet.
Can I use coconut oil as lube?
“Coconut oil can be good for moisturising the skin and also has antifungal properties. You can use it as massage oil and then move to a genital massage,” says Richards. “However, it is an oil, so don’t use it with condoms, as it can break down the material. There are also coconut-oil-based lubes like Woo, which include other moisturising ingredients such as beeswax.”
Can I use Vaseline as lube?
Tempting, but no. Vaseline and other petroleum jellies aren’t vagina- or condom-friendly. They can upset your vaginal microbiome, trapping bacteria that lead to infections, and will quickly weaken latex. Keep it for your lips, not your bits.
Are silicone-based lubes bad for you?
Short says this is an outdated myth: "'Silicone’ can sound synthetic, while water-based lubricants feel more ‘natural.’ But water-based lubes require preservatives and stabilisers to prevent bacterial growth, since water itself creates the perfect environment for microbes. They’re also absorbed into the body, along with those added ingredients, which means they dry out faster and often need to be reapplied.”
Silicone lubes, on the other hand, don’t absorb into your skin, don’t require stabilisers, and create a silky, long-lasting barrier. They’re particularly effective if you experience dryness, want longer sessions, or enjoy shower play.
Can I use olive oil as lube?
“Olive oil is natural, but like all oil-based products, it shouldn’t be used with condoms because it breaks down latex,” says Richards. Oils can also linger in the body longer than water- or silicone-based options, sometimes upsetting your pH balance. Maybe save it for your Greek salad, and try Sliquid, which includes sunflower seed oil.
Can I use aloe vera as lube?
“Yes, provided it’s a product made for intimate use,” Richards advises. “Another good option is Maude’s Shine, which is made with moisturising aloe and has a similar pH to the vagina’s natural pH.” Be cautious with raw aloe from the plant, as those gels may contain additives or preservatives not meant for internal use.
Can I use moisturiser as lube?
Nope. Lotions often contain fragrances, alcohol, and ingredients that aren’t vagina-friendly. These can irritate delicate skin and disrupt your pH balance. Keep moisturiser on your hands and body —not inside you. The same goes for facial moisturiser, which should stay on your bathroom shelf and not your bedside drawer.
Does lube expire?
“Be wary of using something that’s been open for more than a year,” Henderson warns. While most lubes don’t have a strict ‘use by’ like food, ingredients lose freshness over time, and there’s more risk of cross-contamination with long-term use. Always check the packaging, as many come with a little ‘12M’ or ‘24M’ symbol indicating shelf life after opening.
Do I use lube with sex toys?
Yes, but choose carefully. With silicone toys, stick to water-based lube (silicone-on-silicone can damage the toy). For glass, stainless steel, or ABS plastic toys, either water- or silicone-based works. Always check your toy’s care instructions. Some lubes, like the LELO x Bijoux Indiscrets Finger Play, are specifically formulated for this purpose.
Is lube only for penetration?
Absolutely not. Lube is one of the most versatile tools for intimacy. “Just a few drops can transform foreplay, making touch more sensual, enhancing massages, and turning even the lightest caress into something deeply arousing,” says Short. It can also elevate oral sex, mutual masturbation, and toy play.
Is lube just for partner sex?
Definitely not. “Lube can make solo moments feel indulgent and luxurious, helping you connect with your body in new, more nourishing ways,” Short adds. Think of it as a little self-care ritual that happens to feel amazing.
Are tingling lubes safe to use?
Yes, but with caution. “Tingling and warming lubes are safe to use, but they won’t suit everyone,” says Emily King, sexologist at SheSpot. “All bodies are different, so if something doesn’t feel right, trust your gut. When using a new lubricant, it’s best to start with a small amount first.” Ease yourself in with Joy Jelly Tingling Water-Based Lube by The Oh Collective.
Do I need to clean after lube?
Not always, but it’s a good idea. Water-based lubes usually absorb or dry without residue, so a quick wipe or rinse is optional. Silicone-based lubes, on the other hand, don’t absorb into the skin and can feel slippery for longer, so you’ll likely want a gentle wash with warm water and mild, unscented soap afterwards. Oil-based lubes can cling to skin (and fabrics), so cleaning is recommended to avoid irritation or pH disruption.
Pro tip: keep a damp washcloth or intimate wipes nearby for quick clean-up without killing the mood. And for cleaning toys, I’m obsessed with Vibe Wash, which manages to smell like Jo Malone’s Pear & Freesia somehow — not that I’m complaining!
