It's no secret that a New Year – and the first month of the year, January – can bring stress with it.
Expectations lie in every area of our lives, which can make us feel anxious and pressured. This can impact the health of our bodies and minds. Nearly a quarter of UK adults (23%) say that work, in general, causes them stress.
FBI agent LaRae Quy's job is also stressful – but in her case, it can mean life or death.
As an undercover and counterintelligence FBI agent for 24 years, exposing foreign spies and recruiting them to work for the US government, Quy spent years developing the mental toughness to survive in high-pressure environments. Today, she is a speaker, coach and author of two books, including Mental Toughness For Women Leaders.
Experts like LaRae, and Sara Fazlali, a former UN advisor, insist that with quality training, anyone can learn how to respond like a pro under pressure. Fazlali is founder of Secret Me, a new UK-based company offering bespoke spy-training workshops to everyone from CEOs to professional sportspeople.
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Nobody is born with an innate ability to think quickly, clearly and precisely when under pressure, she insists. We develop this through intense and repetitive training; we can all learn to be more comfortable with uncertainty. And, according to Quy and Fazlali, the skills they learn in Homeland-esque scenarios are just as useful in the boardroom.
Here's what GLAMOUR learned from a crack team of experts who claim they can help me deal with stress like a secret agent…
1. Take away the emotion
"At the FBI, we're taught that while we can't control every situation, we can control our reaction to them," Quy says.
"Keeping your emotions in check doesn't come easy. When something goes unexpectedly wrong, the brain detects a threat to our status quo and triggers a spike in metabolic hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. This is a healthy, albeit primitive, stress response that ensures our survival," explains Quy.
By paying attention to ‘stress triggers’ and ‘stress responses’, we can eventually gain control of them. Obstacles and stressful situations make us emotional, and the only way we survive them is by keeping our emotions in check, says Fazlali.
If you feel like lashing out, or running away, or you freeze completely, remind yourself that this is just your body's physical response. Let your rational brain take over – own it.
2. Master the strategic pause
When we're stressed, our physiological response is always the same: we're flooded with stress hormones that trigger a 'freeze, fight or flight' impulse. It's the same response whether you've got a gun to your head or an angry boss heading your way.
"This happens to everyone," says Fazlali. "What matters is what happens next." And the single biggest tip? Pause, breathe, and take a moment to calm your body down. "
At [police training centre] Hendon, officers are taught how to respond to confrontation," says Caroline Goyder, a voice coach who trains police officers in The Gravitas Method, the system she developed for speaking and acting with confidence.
"At that moment when your system jerks and your fight-or-flight instinct kicks in, you breathe out slowly, to let that response go. You speak after that soothing exhale - never on that sharp intake of breathe." As Goyder says, this applies to SAS and CIA officers, but it's also an indispensable tactic in meetings, presentations or even an argument with your partner. "Any time when we're tempted to talk too fast and too much, a pause gives people the chance to reflect about what you've just said," she says. "Meanwhile you get to refresh, breathe and think, and finally feel grounded."
3. Be the pilot of your plane
As well as learning how to handle ourselves in unexpected scenarios, true professionals are always thinking ahead, to what they can control. "If you're faced with a potentially stressful situation – like speaking at your friend's wedding, or delivering a work presentation – think ahead and ask yourself what you're dreading about it," says Goyder.
Her tips include: ask for a microphone, or a chair, or demand a shorter slot. "As women, we want to please and can be reluctant to make demands, but if you do, it puts you in control. It's the difference between something you are doing, and something being done to you."
[pullquote]Repetition and practice - is what separates those who go to pieces from those who can pull themselves together in seconds.KeepInlineId¬kw1mDisplayStyle¬1]
4. Train your brain
Quy spent four months in FBI training and Fazlali has been military trained and is doing a PhD in war. They are both insistent that quality training – repetition and practice – is what separates those who go to pieces from those who can pull themselves together in seconds.
"Training helps you operate instinctively when under pressure, and it's vital for an individual who wants to operate at the top of their game," says Fazlali. "Even amongst the highest trained officers that the British Army has, none of them are relaxed the first time they do a parachute jump, but they do it until it feels comfortable."
"So you crack under scrutiny?" asks Quy. "Start sitting at the front in meetings or talks, right now. It takes confidence to sit up front and be noticed, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. Try the small stuff that makes you sweat a little – such as setting yourself the challenge of charming the most intimidating person in the room at a party – and when the stakes are higher, you'll be prepped."
5. Ditch excess mental baggage
Training, experience and practice are key – but so is how you process your stressful experiences, good or bad.
"What psychologists call 'confirmation bias' means that if you lack confidence, all your brain will remember about a specific event are those things that confirm you messed up," Quy says.
We all have a choice what to remember, and what to let go of. "If you hold a memory freighted with lack of confidence, go back and revisit it to make sure you are remembering correctly," says Quy. “Often, you will find out that others don't perceive it that way at all. Either way, learn and move on.”
Its the overhang of languishing.
When it comes to knowing how to deal with stress, other common questions include:
What is the difference between stress and anxiety?
While there is an overlap between the two, there are ways to tell the difference between stress and anxiety. Stress is generally circumstantial, with symptoms ranging from digestive issues, trouble sleeping, anger, fatigue, irritability, racing thoughts and low mood. Anxiety has similar symptoms but occurs without an exterior stressor – i.e we feel anxiety regardless of whether something in particular is stressing us out.
Which hormone is responsible for stress?
The primary stress hormone is called cortisol, which is responsible for producing our fight or flight response, which can produce the symptoms of anxiety and stress. It increases sugars in our bloodstream, and increases our blood pressure and heart rate.
Does crying relieve stress?
Emotional tears are known to release our stress hormones, and is known to help us sleep better strengthen our immune system, both of which can help us combat symptoms of stress and anxiety. Crying also releases endorphins such as oxytocin, feel-good chemicals that also help shift our stress symptoms.
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