We're all tired, right? Like, so tired? Like, all we want to do is lie under a blanket eating chocolate and watch The Holiday tired? We call it festive burnout.
After all, it's December. It's been a long year and we're almost at the end. We're at peak tiredness now, but at least it will be Christmas soon. If we can just get through these last few weeks of December, we'll be ok. At least, that's what we like to tell ourselves.
Although we like to imagine that the festive period will offer the relief and relaxation we need after a busy year, in reality, the holiday period can often be even more stressful than our regular lives. Making festive burnout even worse, there's the added stress of buying gifts, visiting family, decorating the house, planning Christmas dinner — the list goes on and on. So, by the time Christmas is over, we often return to work feeling more exhausted than ever. Queue the burnout panic.
But don't fear — festive burnout doesn't have to be quite so awful. We spoke to Dr Becky Spelman, psychologist and founder at Private Therapy Clinic to find out what we can do about it.
You only need 30 seconds to find out if you ‘click’ with someone.
By December, we are all tired. Not only is work often ramped up as the year comes to a close, the pressure of the holidays can take its toll. December can find us taking on countless annoying extra tasks, from running around looking for last-minute gifts to deep-cleaning the house for guests to planning our Christmas meals.
“The winter season often involves more social activities, shopping and travel, which can disrupt regular routines and lead to fatigue," says Spelman. "The end of the year is often busy with work deadlines and completing tasks before the new year. Combined with colder weather and less daylight, these factors can definitely increase tiredness.”
One of the things that can often tip us over the burn out edge in December? All the socialising. There are Christmas parties, family gatherings, office get togethers — the list goes on and on and on. Before you know it, your month is full of social events. Sure, they all seem fun — but so many can quickly take it's toll.
“It is a privilege and something to be massively grateful for to have a diary packed with festive activities with family, friends and work colleagues over the next few weeks,” says Dee Johnson, an addictions therapist at the Priory Hospital in Chelmsford. “However, while on the surface this may not seem to have any negative connotations, there is always another side to the holiday season.”
Then there's the fact that turning down invitations can feel next to impossible. “The inability to say no (these things often feel like a great idea in the moment!), not wanting to let people down, a fear of being misjudged as ‘boring’ or not a team player can make it hard to decline the numerous invitations," she says. ”There can also be real feelings of guilt when so many people suffer terribly with isolation and loneliness."
Ultimately, burnout comes when we aren't honest with how we're actually feeling — when we keep pushing ourselves to socialise even when deep down, we aren't up for it. “Burnout is a result of not being genuine about how you feel, both physically and mentally,” says Johnson.
It’s one day in a possibly very hard year, and it’s allowed to be just okay.
Burnout can creep up on us over the holidays — sometimes, it can spring up on us seemingly out of the blue. So, it's important to keep an eye out for the warning signs.
“Those with ‘burn out’ will experience irritability, tearfulness, poor sleep, no longer enjoying what they are doing, becoming anxious, nervous, suffering from poor concentration, feeling ragged and run down,” says Johnson. “People may find that drinking and eating become a form of self-medication, and not the usual overindulgence common at this time of year. It can lead to some real self-harm behaviours to try and manage these difficult moods and feelings.”
She also warns to notice if you start becoming unusually argumentative. “Some may find themselves getting argumentative, especially in situations they would never dream of being rude – such as road or shopping rage, or being rude to restaurant staff,” she says. “Family arguments over the most minor and really unimportant things can be common.”
Finally, if you feel that you simply don't want to go out, pay attention to that niggling feeling. Watch out for “a deep-rooted sense of dread at the thought of having to put on that smile and party outfit again and pretend it’s all fabulous, when you just want to curl up on the sofa in your pyjamas and not stress and just rest, can also be a familiar desire for many.”
Here are some tips on how to avoid social burnout this winter, according to Jan P. de Jonge psychologist at People Business Psychology.
Just be yourself
“The first thing you may want to do is to understand what your own personal preferences are. Once you understand what your deep-rooted preferences are, you can begin to accept them. Accepting what you like and dislike, what makes you anxious or what makes you feel good. Then act on this. In other words, a good way to help avoid social burnout is to accept who you are, and what you are like; there is no need to be a social butterfly, no obligation to enjoy that next Christmas work do or New Years Eve party. Even if others are, or seem excited about them. Just be you.”
Be open about your feelings
“Speak to bosses, colleagues and family about only being available to attend the engagements that you are expected at. Be open and honest about how you are feeling. Explain that you have too many plans and are feeling drained.”
Make diary adjustments
"Look at your diary, what’s the week ahead looking like? Make adjustments if your schedule is looking hectic then move things to other weeks to make it more manageable."
Set limits
“Change how and when you socialise by reducing the length and time of day that you meet. Don’t feel pressured to stay for a night cap or dessert.”
Don’t compare yourself
“If you don’t feel like socialising then show some interest in the people around you. But there’s no need to overdo it. You don’t need to be the life of the party or the person to have the stories. Be a good listener instead.”
Just say ‘no’
“You aren’t a party animal? Well, that’s fine, because you don’t have to be! If you do end up at that party or social function or get-together, try to be yourself. Act in a way that seems genuine to you and is true to who you are and ‘how you are’. Besides that, social burnout may be caused by feeling obliged to socialise more or longer than is natural to you. Practise saying ‘No’ to that next invitation if you feel you’re not up to it or just don’t feel like it! Accept your own valid argument of needing some downtime.”
‘My ethos is very much about balance.’
So, the holidays aren't actually the stress-free, burnout-curing time we all hope they will be — is there anything we can do about it?
According to Spelman, it's all about setting personal boundaries and prioritising yourself (when you can).
She suggests:
- Establish clear work-life boundaries and communicate these to colleagues.
- Limit screen time and social media usage and instead, engage in activities that bring joy and relaxation, like reading, exercising, or spending time in nature.
- Embrace 'cosy season' and practice mindfulness or meditation to reduce stress.
- Spend quality time with loved ones, create memories, and nurture meaningful relationships.
- Although the temptation to indulge always lurks at Christmas, try to maintain a healthy lifestyle! This includes eating a balanced diet, exercising and making sure you get enough sleep.
