This article references domestic abuse.
The festive season is meant to be a time of rest and recuperation, but for many, it's the most dangerous time of year. Domestic abuse, or intimate partner violence (IPV), can escalate, with many charities reporting a rise in calls to their helplines during and after the holidays.
It's estimated that 1 out of 3 women worldwide will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime. But as Dr Sara Kuburic, also known as the Millennial Therapist, says, “intimate partner violence is never just a statistic." She tells Glamour, “It lives in the stories my clients share and the pain they carry.”
In partnership with YSL Beauty’s global initiative Abuse Is Not Love, Dr Kuburic has authored a report in which she identifies five internal warning signs of abuse: confusion, minimisation, disconnection, emotional unease, and embodied distress. Here, she speaks to Glamour about her work with survivors, the threat of digital abuse, and how we can all do our bit to create a safer world for women and girls.
Glamour: What drew you to working with YSL on the Abuse Is Not Love campaign?
Dr Sara Kuburic: I’m often struck by how little space this global issue receives in mainstream conversations. So, when I found a brand willing to take a clear and compassionate stand, and to speak up for millions of women, I knew I wanted to be part of that work. “Abuse Is Not Love” isn’t just a campaign slogan – it’s a statement that has the potential to save lives and shift how we collectively understand love and safety.
The new offence – which includes AI-generated images – carries a maximum sentence of six months’ imprisonment.
The theme for this year's 16DaysOfAction is online safety. In your work and research, how have you seen perpetrators use digital and tech tools to abuse their partners?
I’ve seen how digital spaces can become extensions of control. Perpetrators often use technology not for connection, but for surveillance, intimidation, and emotional manipulation. It can start subtly, like needing constant updates, monitoring someone’s “last seen,” or questioning why a message wasn’t answered quickly enough. Over time, it can escalate into checking phones, demanding passwords, tracking locations, or using social media to isolate a partner from friends and support networks.
What makes digital abuse particularly insidious is how easily it can be disguised as concern or curiosity. Many survivors tell me they didn’t recognise it as abuse at first. They thought it was love, or care, or simply part of being “transparent” in a relationship. But when technology becomes a tool that shrinks your freedom, shapes your behaviour, or makes you feel watched in your own life, it becomes a form of violence.
Online safety is not just about protecting our devices. It’s about protecting our autonomy, our privacy, and our sense of self.
Do you think there’s a lack of empathy for women who are, or may be, experiencing domestic abuse? What can we do, both on a societal and individual level, to better empathise with women in abusive relationships?
It’s a complex question. As a society, we’ve distanced ourselves from the experience by treating it as something that exists “out there,” rather than acknowledging that it happens in our homes and communities. It’s uncomfortable to imagine a reality where people we know, and love could be exposed to that much pain. Sometimes, people cope with this discomfort by creating distance from survivors – by explaining their experience away as weakness, poor judgment, or an isolated event. But the truth is, abuse is a societal issue. 1 in 3 women will experience abuse by their partner over their lifetime. This is why it's our shared responsibility to educate, protect, and foster environments where accountability, safety, and empathy are the norm.
We can start by listening without judgment and believing women when they say something is wrong. On a societal level, we need to challenge the narratives that blame survivors and normalise control in relationships. And individually, we can hold space for their fear, confusion, and hope. Empathy grows when we stop evaluating if and when she should have left and start asking how we can support her in leaving safely, in her own time and on her own terms.
Seyi Akiwowo interviews sex workers, policy leads, and parents about online safety.
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Why do you think there is such a stigma around women who ‘choose to stay’ in abusive relationships?
When we judge women for staying, we erase the complexity of their circumstances and the courage it takes to survive day after day. The stigma exists because it is easier to question her than to confront the systems and behaviours that allow abuse to continue. If we truly want to support survivors, we need to replace judgment with curiosity, compassion, and a willingness to understand the barriers they face.
There is stigma because people misunderstand what it means to “stay.” They imagine it as a simple choice, when in reality it is shaped by fear, love, trauma, financial dependence, cultural or religious expectations, and very real concerns for safety. Leaving is often the most dangerous moment for a survivor, yet we rarely talk about that.
Domestic abuse can manifest very differently around the world. How can we show solidarity with women globally – even though their cultures, traditions, and experiences may differ significantly from our own?
We can show solidarity by trusting women to name their own experiences, even when their realities look different from ours. Abuse may manifest in culturally specific ways, but the emotional impact is universal. What matters most is listening to how a woman feels in her relationship, how her sense of self is shifting, and how her mental health is being affected. Solidarity means believing in her inner world, honouring her instincts, and supporting her choices.
Technology-facilitated abuse is on the rise, yet the digital world also holds the power to create a safer future for women and girls. We need to fight for the latter, says Refuge ambassador Zara McDermott.
How would you describe a world free from violence against women and girls? Is this world achievable?
A world free from violence against women and girls is a world where safety is not a privilege, but a given. It’s a world where women can trust their bodies, their instincts, and their relationships without fear. Where their voices are believed, their boundaries respected, and their autonomy protected.
Is it achievable? I believe it is. Not instantly, and not without collective effort, but every time we educate, intervene, support, and challenge harmful norms, we move closer. Change begins in small, steady steps: systems shifting, communities learning, individuals choosing compassion over control. It’s a long road, but it is absolutely a possible one.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
For more information about emotional abuse and domestic abuse, you can call The Freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge on 0808 2000 247.
Refuge’s National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247, available 24 hours a day 7 days a week for free, confidential specialist support. Or visit www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk to fill in a webform and request a safe time to be contacted or to access live chat (live chat available 3pm-10pm, Monday to Friday). For support with tech abuse, visit refugetechsafety.org.
You're not alone, and support is available.
