Jesy Nelson On Leaving Little Mix, Her New Single Boyz & Embracing Her True Self | GLAMOUR UK

I am not a kid person. Like I, it's just not in me.

I think as a woman, it's either in you or it isn't.

You either have that maternal feeling or you don't.

And I've never had that feeling.

[upbeat music]

Hey guys, I'm Jesy Nelson

and this is my Glamour Unfiltered interview.

Two years ago, I told Glamour that I was in a place

where I never thought I'd be happy again.

And now I'm sitting here and I can generally say

hand on my heart that I am the happiest

that I've ever been in a long time.

And I think the main reason for that

is because I've taken control over my life

and I've looked after myself.

I think we don't look after ourselves enough in life.

Like some people think it's selfish to, you know,

look after yourself and take control of your life.

I think it's so important to do that

because as cheesy as it sounds, you only live once.

I think the girls knew that I was struggling

for a long time, like it wasn't a secret.

I'd been quite open with how I'd been feeling

over the last few years and it was kind of yeah,

towards last year that it got really, really bad for me.

And I just think, yeah, they just knew that like,

it was just time for me to like take a minute to like,

just deal with what I was going through

and just focus on myself and look after myself.

And it's always going to feel weird for me

like not speaking to the girls, 'cause obviously, you know,

we were in a band together for 10 years.

Like I said, we're like sisters, they're like my right arm.

And so to like have that 24/7 in my life

to then just have them not there at all

is a very, very weird, strange feeling.

But it's just one of them things.

Like things happen in life, but you know, I still love them

to pieces and they've got their little babies now

and they're starting their own families

and it's a really exciting time for them all individually.

So yeah, it's just one of them things

I thinks gonna take time.

I would say I'm a solid 10. [laughs]

Don't get me wrong, I'll have days when I might wake up

and something has happened and I might be a nine,

but generally I would say I'm a solid 10.

I personally think that me being a solo artist is better

for my mental health because I am not being compared

to my band mates every single day.

I feel like until you've experienced the trauma

that I've experienced like with people 24/7

like slating how you look physically,

it puts you in a place where you lose all confidence.

And so to then have to do video shoots

and be around three beautiful girls

who are like half the size of you

and constantly compare yourself

whilst having the whole world also compare you,

it was a lot to take on, so when I'd come to music videos,

when I'd come to photo shoots,

I would constantly compare myself.

I'd be like, Oh God, I don't look as skinny as them,

or, I don't look as pretty as them, or, I don't look

how I should look in this outfit, how they do.

And it was a lot of pressure that I put on myself

for 10 years and now I don't have that.

I'm just me and I'm being able to be myself

for the first time ever.

And it just, it feels very liberating and I feel

like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

There's only one me and I think when we start to realize

of our own power, when we start to realize

like God, there's one me in the world, there's no other me.

Like that's amazing,

like there's no one in the world like you.

And if we all realize that,

I think we'd all be really bloody confident.

10 years ago, I despised myself.

I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror.

I just, yeah, my confidence was the lowest it could ever be.

I've never walked in a studio and been genuinely excited

to try on the clothes, which is how a girl should feel

when they walk into a studio and have a rack of clothes

in front of them and be like [gasps]

'cause that's every girl's dream to be able to like try

on different clothes and wear whatever they want.

But for me, it was like panic and anxiety, just 24/7.

And I remember one of my first experiences

of a photo shoot of being in Little Mix.

I think the stylist had got the wrong size

and it was like a size eight and I'm a size 12.

And so I remember putting on the clothes

and they didn't fit me and I remember thinking,

Oh my God, I'm so fat. I can't fit into the clothes.

And I wasn't aware that it was

because she'd got the wrong size.

So walking into a studio now, genuinely like I feel excited.

I feel excited to see what clothes are on the rail,

because I know that they're clothes that I want to wear,

they're clothes that I feel comfortable in.

They're just me all over.

I did a video shoot the other day and I wore a crop top.

I've never, I would never wear a crop top in a video ever.

And I had a few little rolls when I was moving,

but I didn't care, like I didn't look at it and think,

Oh my God, no, I don't,

like before I would have been like,

Someone give me a t-shirt,

I don't want to wear a belly top,

whereas I just didn't care and I think that's

because I've just genuinely learned to like accept my body

and just, you know what I mean, like there's only one me.

One million percent I was using makeup and hair to like mask

who I genuinely was because obviously when I was on X Factor

I got ridiculed, I got slated for like my face

and my weight and how I looked.

And so I did everything I could

to not be that girl that was on X-Factor.

I tried to go on ridiculous diets to lose weight.

I tried to change my hair all the time.

I, you know, got lip fillers.

I did everything I could to be

what I thought the public wanted me to look like.

And then I realized slowly, like when I was changing,

which is really sad, like when I did lose weight.

And when I, you know, my appearance did start to change,

then that's when people started to accept me.

And I was like, wow, this is really sad.

For like the majority of my time in Little Mix,

I just used to wear corsets all the time

and I'd make my stylist put me in the most ridiculous things

to make myself skinnier because I just so badly

wanted to look like Jade, Perry, and Leigh-Anne.

I just want it to be as tiny as them.

So I'd make them put me in these corsets.

And for half the time of me working,

I just couldn't breathe and I just,

I'd genuinely have like bruises because I'd been pulled in

so much from this corset and now,

like now, I literally live in track suits and trainers

the majority of, you know, my time.

And I just feel so much more comfortable and confident.

And that's how I know that I'm getting there

with my confidence because I would never have done that

like two years ago.

I would say that I'm definitely not at that stage yet.

I'd be you if I was like, Oh, I'd happily see you

with no makeup and no hair extensions.

'Cause for me, like I'm still

in a work in progress with my confidence.

I'm definitely getting there one million percent.

2013, I genuinely, genuinely thought

I am never ever going to feel happy again.

Like I just didn't, every day I would wake up

and I'd think this is me now.

Like this is how I feel and I can't change that.

There is nothing I can do to pull myself out of this.

And you honestly feel like you're never ever

gonna move past that and that's what gets you

into that state of thinking, Well, why am I even here,

like what is the point?

But if you can push through that and push past it,

like you're stronger than you even know.

Like that's what I've realized about myself,

that I, I feel like I'm gonna get upset,

but like I can't actually believe how strong I am.

And when I look back at like stuff that I never thought

I'd get from like, like I did that,

like I pushed past that and there's nothing I feel

that I can't do now, like I've got through that awful stage

of my life, like there's nothing you could put

in front of me now that I feel like I couldn't do

and I'll feel really proud of myself.

No one has actually ever come up to me and said sorry

for the things that they've said, but you know what?

I'll just think, well, you're just a coward.

And that just explains, that just says to me

who you are as a person, I just genuinely felt back then

like everyone hated me, but now like when I genuinely

think about it, no one who is genuinely happy in their life

feels the need to go around being negative

towards other people, because when you're a happy person,

you just ooze that energy.

One thing that I personally feel works for me

is just being around my friends and family

as much as possible and genuinely like taking the time

to do the things that I love.

Dancing as well is a big therapy for me.

Me and my sister used to be so close when we were younger,

like before I was on X Factor.

And then when I got an X Factor, I feel up my mum

and my sister felt like they lost me.

And not long ago, literally it was about three weeks ago,

I was in Antigua and my sister flew out there with me

and we spent the whole time together and she,

when she left, she really cried and she went home to my mom

and she said, It's honestly the best holiday I've ever had

'cause I felt like I had my little sister back.

My single is gonna be out very soon and I'm not,

I mean I may sound like I'm blowing my own trumpet,

but I'm gonna, it's amazing, and I'm really proud of it.

And I wrote it when I was going through a breakup.

It's very honest, I feel like it's very ballsy,

it's in your face, I feel like some people are gonna hate it

or some people are going to love it, but you know what?

I love that, I would rather it be a love-hate situation,

then it'd be in the middle and be like, It's all right,

I feel like she could have pushed it a bit more.

Yeah, I'm just so proud of it.

And I'm so excited for the world to hear it.

Someone said to me, Do you think

it's because of the way you was brought up?

Like obviously my dad wasn't the best role model.

I never had a dad around.

He was always in and out of prison.

So were my brothers and I don't know if it's 'cause

of the way I've been brought up or I don't know what it is,

but like I've tried nice boys and it just,

it doesn't work out, they just become my friends

and I get really bored.

I had a bad boy and I bloody hated it.

I thought that was what I wanted, I though I wanted

to be kept on my toes, and then when I had it, it was awful.

And I thought, God, I'd love to just go back to someone

who treats me like a princess now.

So I think what I need now is like a mixture of both.

And if I could find that, then I think I'd be onto a winner.

I'm not going to lie, I love love.

I'll meet someone, if I like them,

I instantly fall in love, and then about six months later,

I realize it wasn't love, it was just infatuation.

But this time in my thirties,

I just want to be all about me, I want to love me.

There were so many times I was in relationships

and I'd wake up and like I'd have had an argument

with my boyfriend the night before

and then it affects everything the next day

when you go to work and I'd be in the worst mood ever.

Heartbreak is the worst thing you can go through

and right now, I ain't got time for that.

I've been brought up by my mum all by herself.

She had four kids and she brought us all up on her own.

And I've never really felt like, you know,

I have to be married, I have to have kids

because I've seen my mom do it all on her own.

And she's the best, best mum in the world.

Like she's Wonder Woman to me. I am not a kid person.

Like I, it's just not in me.

I think as a woman, it's either in you or it isn't.

You either have that maternal feeling or you don't.

And I've never had that feeling.

Like I can appreciate that a baby is cute,

but like I don't get around babies and be like,

Oh, let me hold him,

like that's just not in me, that's not me at all that.

Like I've got a nephew and he's the cutest thing ever.

But after 10 minutes, he drives me nuts.

So yeah, there'll be no kids for me.

It's the only thing I think I'm going to struggle with

finding a man that doesn't want kids.

Maybe I'm gonna have to find a man that's like

already has a kid and I'll just be a stepmum.

I would like to have a sellout tour,

a sellout Jesy Nelson tour,

I would like to have had a successful album.

I would like to have gone to the Met Gala.

[Jesy laughs]

There's quite a few people that I would love

to collaborate with, one of them being Doja Cat.

I mean I feel proud of myself now.

Like honestly, I feel so proud of myself,

but I'd like to look back and think,

Bloody hell, you did well, girl, like you did it.