The best lines that Ross Geller ever said in Friends
Despite being a bit of a drip in the first couple of seasons, somewhere along the line, Ross Geller blossomed into a LOL-a-second comedy god.
In his honour – and that of David Schwimmer, the genius who played him so brilliantly – we've compiled his best lines. Oh and as an extra treat, we've also added in a few classic (if not entirely relevant) Friends snaps in there, too.
NBC/GettyRoss: Yeah, I need uh... I'm just-I don't know-I don't understand, umm, how this happened? We-we used a condom.
Rachel: I know. I know, but y'know condoms only work like 97% of the time.
Ross: What? What? What? Well they should put that on the box!
Rachel: They do!
Ross: No they don't!
[Runs to the bedroom and returns the condoms]
Ross: Well they should put it in huge black letters!
Rachel: Okay Ross come on let's just forget about the condoms.
Ross: Oh well I may as well have!
NBC/GettyRoss: My marriage, I think my marriage is kind of over.
Phoebe: Why?
Ross: Because my wife's a lesbian... And I'm not one.
NBC/GettyWill: [about how he hates Rachel] It wasn't just me. We had a club.
Rachel: You had a club?
Will: That's right. The I Hate Rachel Green Club.
Rachel: O my God! So what? You all just join together to hate me? Who else was in this club?
Will: Me and Ross.
Ross: No need to point. She knows who Ross is.
NBC/GettyRoss: Ah, love. L-O-V-E love. 'L' is for life. I mean what is life without love?
Rachel: Oh my god, are we supposed to answer?
Ross: 'O' is for OH WOW! 'V' is for this very surprising turn of events which i am still fine with by the way. 'EEE' is for how extreeemeely normal I find it that you two are together and that one day you might get married... and have children of your own...
Joey: Dude, are you okay?
Ross: Totally!
Rachel: Ross, you don't seem OK.
Ross: I'm sorry, it must be the pressure of entertaining.
NBC/GettyRoss: Rach, you balded my girlfriend!
Rachel: (About Bonnie's baldness) See, she doesn't look that bad.
Ross: You can see the moonlight bouncing off her head!
NBC/GettyRachel: Maybe we should take a break.
Ross: You're right. Let's cool off, get some frozen yoghurt.
Rachel: No, a break from us.
NBC/GettyRoss: A hundred million people went to see a movie about what I do. I wonder how many people would go see a movie called Jurassic Parka.
Rachel: Oh, that is so...
Ross: No, no, no, a bunch of out-of-control jackets take over an island!
NBC/GettyMark: Rachel Green's line, how may I help you?
Ross: Hi, is Rachel there?
Mark: And who may I say is calling?
Ross: This is Ross.
Mark: Ross of...?
Ross: Of Ross and Rachel.
NBC/GettyRoss: Look, it's the artist formerly known as Chandler.
NBC/GettyRoss: How about the time I cut the legs off your Malibu Ken?
Monica: That was you?
Ross: Uh... They were infected. He wouldn't have made it.
NBC/GettyRoss: Well, wait a minute, why is she in the title?
Susan: It's my baby too.
Ross: Um, excuse me; I don't remember you making any sperm.
NBC/GettyRoss: Meat on a dessert? That is not possible.
Joey: I know, and only one layer of jam? What is up with that?
Ross: It tastes like feet!
Joey: Well, I like it.
Ross: Are you kidding?
Joey: I mean, what's not to like? Custard, good. Jam, good. Meat, good!
NBC/GettyRoss: I went to the tanning place your wife suggested.
Chandler: Was that place the sun?
NBC/GettyRoss: You sprayed my front twice!
The Tanning Salon Guy: You never turned?
Ross: No! I barely even got to three Mississippi.
The Tanning Salon Guy: Mississippi? I said count to five.
Ross: Mississippilessly?
NBC/GettyRoss: Chandler. I sensed it was you.
Chandler: What?
Ross: Unagi. I'm always aware.
Chandler: Are you aware that unagi is an eel?
NBC/GettyRoss: You-you-you... You threw my sandwich away... My sandwich? MY SANDWICH?!!
NBC/GettyRoss: I hope everyone likes Mexican food because I’m making FAJITAS!
NBC/GettyJoey: Ross! How much do you weigh?
Ross: I'd really rather not answer that, right now. I'm still carrying a little holiday weight.
NBC/GettyRoss: Listen, I'm in Elizabeth's bathroom…
Joey: Nice!
Ross: No, I-I got really hot in my leather pants so I took them off but they must have shrunk from the-the sweat or-or-or my legs expanded from the heat. Look, I-I can't put them back on. I can't!
Joey: Oh. That is quite a situation. Uh, do you see any like, powder?
Ross: Powder! Yeah! Yeah, I have powder!
Joey: Good-good, okay, sprinkle some of that on your legs, it'll absorb some of the moisture and then you can get your pants back up.
Ross: Yeah, okay, hold on! (He puts the phone down and proceeds to spread a large amount of powder on his legs and makes another attempt at pulling up his pants. It doesn't work, and without picking up the phone leans down to it.) (Almost in tears.) They're not coming on man.
Joey: Umm, do you see any—oh, Vaseline?
Ross: Ohh, I-I see lotion, I have lotion! Will that work?
Joey: Yeah, sure, spread some of that on there.
Ross: Hold on.
(Ross proceeds to apply copious amounts of the lotion on his legs. He literally starts spraying the back of his legs with the lotion, and as he applies some to his butt he makes a happy face like he enjoyed that sensation. After using about half the bottle he again tries to pull up his pants, but at the first sign of resistance, his hand slips off of the pants and hits him in the forehead.)
Joey: Ross? You okay?
Ross: They're still, they're still not coming on man and the lotion and the powder have made a paste!
NBC/GettyRoss: And I'm Doctor Ross Geller.
Rachel: Ross, please, this is a hospital, ok? That actually means something here.
NBC/GettyRoss: (unpacking his bag) Okay, shoot!
Rachel: Okay, uhm... alright, here's the deal.
Ross: (gasps) OH NO!
Rachel: What? What is it?
Ross: Oh, major shampoo explosion!
Rachel: Uh, look Ross, this really isn't easy.
Ross: Oh, it's all over everything. Why? Why me?
Rachel: Because you took three hundred bottles of shampoo?
[b]Ross: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You were saying?
Rachel: Well, yeah... Okay, look it's about me and...
Ross: Oh, not another one! Oh my G... And this is moisturiser. It's even harder to clean! Why? Why do bad things happen to good people?
NBC/GettyRoss: Y'know what? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no divorces in '99!
NBC/GettyRoss: Hey, Rachel, did you notice...
Rachel: Your teeth? Yeah, I saw them from outside.
