By now, we're all well aware of the ways pervasive misogyny has impacted women in Hollywood, from #MeToo to sexism and inequality behind the scenes. And yet, each time another woman industry opens up about her experiences, it still feels shocking. The latest to come forward is Hayden Panettiere, whose new book, This Is Me: A Reckoning, recounts an incident with a “very famous” man on a boat – when she was only 18.
The now 36-year-old has been in showbiz since she was a baby, first appearing in commercials before graduating onto bigger projects that eventually turned her into a household name. From Heroes and Nashville to Bring It On: All Or Nothing and Scream 4, she quickly became one of the most booked, busy and versatile young actors in Hollywood.
Now, after taking a career break in 2018, Panettiere is back with an unflinching new memoir (out 19 May), pulling back the curtain to reveal her off-camera struggles. Amongst honest writing about her postpartum depression, addiction and giving up custody of her daughter, the actor also opens up about the earlier traumas that shaped her growing up – including the incident on the boat. Here's everything we know so far.
What happened to Hayden Panettiere on the boat?
Speaking to Jay Shetty during an in-depth interview about her new book, Panettiere explained how, at 18, she was brought onto a boat and taken to a room with a “very famous” naked man on the bed, with whom she was coerced to perform sexual acts. The worst part? The person who'd put her in the situation was someone she'd trusted.
“It was led by somebody that I had grown to trust and see as a protector and somebody who had my back,” she explained. And up until that point, nothing seemed suspicious – they were just having a fun night on a boat. “There was no hints of anything like that happening. So it took me by surprise.”
But it was her friend that, quite literally, put her in the disturbing situation. “She physically put me in the bed next to this undressed man," she said. As for the man in question, he was apparently relaxed on the bed, "like this was just an average day for him.”
Panettiere immediately went into fight or flight mode. “That lion in me, that fire in me… My hair stood on end and I became ferocious,” she said. “I was like, ‘This is not happening.’” But because the boat was already out at sea, the only option she had was to hide. “There was no jumping off and swimming away. And there was nobody who was going to be empathetic to my situation. I realised that this was nothing new to them.”
Thankfully, Panettiere was able to find safety. But the experience shifted her perspective. “The fact that I was 18, even though I’d lived such a huge life and I thought I was oh so mature at 18, scientifically, your frontal lobes don’t develop until we’re what, 25, 26?” she said. “So even though I felt like I could make healthy decisions, safe decisions, I wasn’t capable of being fully aware of what was going on around me.”
And on top of that, she also had to deal with the hurt of her friend's deception: “When you really find somebody that you trust, you hold on to them for dear life and you feel so lucky. So to be betrayed like that is just an awful feeling.”
When is Hayden Panettiere's book out?
Hayden Panettiere's memoir, This Is Me: A Reckoning, is released on 19 May. The book took two years to write, forcing the actor reveal parts of herself she's previously kept hidden from the public. From her coming out as bisexual to her struggles with mental health, the memoir is reportedly raw and unfiltered, taking readers through her career highs and personal lows.
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