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This article contains references to sexual assault and rape.
It was a report so horrifying – so sickening – that I could feel my stomach churn and ripple waves of bile as my eyes scanned the page. But I couldn’t tear myself away from what I was reading.
Although it was initially published late last month, a CNN investigation has gone viral on social media over the last few days, as they reported on so-called ‘rape academies’; intricate digital networks, comprised of a twisted and depraved brotherhood of men, sharing advice on how to assault, sexually degrade and rape their wives or partners as they slept.
The comments included: “I managed to record a clip once when I had my last two pills. My wife doesn’t even know I recorded it”, “Been wanted [sic] to do this to my Mrs”, and, “How much are you willing to pay to watch me f**k my wife while she sleeps?”
Women’s safety is not being overlooked; it's being traded.
The investigation has a particular resonant echo in the aftermath of Gisele Pelicot’s landmark case. Her husband Dominique, who had instigated and recorded her repeated rape on a mass scale, was clearly disgusting, a monster – but there were the smallest crumbs of comfort in see him as an outlier, a particularly vile specimen of a person. However, the CNN investigation suggests that this level of depravity is disturbingly common; one of these websites attracted 62 million visitors in February alone. Shame, it would appear, has not changed sides.
Unsurprisingly, a story so heinous yet so powerful spread across social media like wildfire; a cursory tap through my Instagram Stories saw numerous women I follow express their anger, shock and despair at the investigation’s findings. And yet, there was barely any response at all from the men I followed. It was simply another news story that they had the privilege to shrug off and forget about.
Of course, I don’t follow every single man in the world on Instagram, so before I roll my eyes to the back of my skull at someone saying that “not all men” ignored the news, I would argue there is an irritating lack of solidarity from decent men on the whole.
The new offence – which includes AI-generated images – carries a maximum sentence of six months’ imprisonment.
In a world where women’s rights are being eroded at a rapid rate, and where facets of the manosphere have infiltrated our day-to-day lives, simply ‘not abusing women’ is way below the par of the bare minimum. The ‘good’ men out there need to actively fight the systemic misogyny which is causing such widespread damage.
Every woman will likely be able to recall a time a man has responded to her complaints with a deflective “not all men” instead of simply listening and accepting her experience. Meanwhile, inappropriate comments, ‘locker-room banter’, casual sexism to straight-up misogyny, often goes unchecked even by those who disagree with it.
The onus of responsibility now needs to shift from women trying to keep themselves and each other safe; decent men now must also shoulder some accountability if they really want to see things truly change.
Justice delayed is justice denied.
It’s not that there’s not an appetite for it; a 2023 survey by London City Hall, for example, found a quarter of men aged 19-35 regret not calling out misogyny, while two out of three men admit wanting to “step in” when they hear sexist language but are unsure of what to say.
While there have been efforts to readdress this balance – Sadiq Khan launched the Have a Word campaign in 2022 and Say Maaate to A Mate campaign a year later, it doesn’t seem to have led to any long-term impact. Men don’t appear to be somewhat embarrassed that they need government intervention to remember that women should be treated with basic respect. It’s worrying that if decent men are fearful of speaking out against friends, how can we expect them to fight for widespread systemic change?
The CNN investigation was just the tip of the iceberg for a particularly depressing week of news for women. Donald Trump demanded a female newsreader be taken off air because “her voice is grating”. A tech company advertised a female AI colleague who “never asks for a payrise”. ‘Looksmaxxing’, a term which has its roots in the misogynist incel subculture, is becoming increasingly popular. It’s little wonder that a new survey, conducted by the New Statesmen, found that only 11% of young women have a positive view of men.
With sexism so pervasive, and with increasingly violent and disturbing reports about men’s attitudes and behaviours towards women becoming commonplace, decent men can no longer sidestep responsibility in preventing misogyny. Challenging sexist behaviour, questioning ingrained attitudes, and setting a higher standard in everyday interactions are now essential. Real change happens when those ‘good’ men stop being bystanders and start being active participants.
If they allow these attitudes to persist unchecked, it’s not merely a failure to act; it’s a choice to let it continue.
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