You're not happy in your relationship anymore, but you don't want to be the one to destroy everything you've built together.
After all, you're past the age where you can just break up and find a new partner.
And you could probably stand to put some more effort in to fixing things.
Stop.
When you first start noticing doubts about your relationship creeping in, it can understandably feel super overwhelming.
But before you talk to your partner about it, make sure that you're totally clear about what you want. When is the relationship beyond repair and when should you break up?
Here are the five signs that you might be better off apart.
Have you ever caught your partner in a lie, or found out that they weren't telling you the complete truth about something? If you often feel like you're waiting to be disappointed by your partner, it's time to seriously reconsider your relationship.
Even in a friendship or family, trust is the foundation for a strong relationship.
We get it, simply walking away is hard when love is involved. So if you're feeling like you want to repair things, open communication can help you build back trust. Naturally, this takes a lot of time and work, but it's definitely worth it if the relationship is important to you.
When ghosting meets gaslighting. 🫣
Your partner might be physically sat next to you on the sofa, but you still can't get rid of the feeling of loneliness. Being alone doesn't just mean you don't have a body to cuddle with.
Even in a partnership, you can quickly start to feel lonely if you're lacking a deeper emotional connection with your partner.
Often this manifests itself in the fact that you can talk well about mundane things such as who should take out the bins or sort the bills, but you can't talk on a deeper emotional level.
Your partner is no longer interested in the things that are important to you, or vice versa. You just can't understand why this one thing is so important for your partner. You live next to each other instead of with each other.
This works fine for a while, but if you repeatedly find that you need someone to talk to, even though your partner is right next to you, then you should think about whether you're better off out of the relationship.
It's date night, which means that you're in charge of thinking of a location and activity, as well as having to remind your partner two, three, even four times about the date to get them to show up.
Intimacy and closeness is only initiated by you.
You're always shopping and thinking about their favourite food, but never get the same courtesy.
You always take care of the mundane house chores.
You and only you are in charge of keeping up communication with friends and family.
Essentially, the whole mental load of the relationship is on you until you slowly but surely start to feel completely drained.
If you're noticing little things like this starting to add up and feel as though you're putting in more time and effort than your partner, it's time for a frank conversation.
Do they feel like they're not doing anything wrong? Make sure you're not being gaslit, and if you feel like you're not getting anywhere by trying to talk about it, consider whether a breakup might be best for both of you.
A certain amount of jealousy isn't always unhealthy. After all, it shows you care.
But when does it become unhealthy jealousy? If you or your partner are demonstrating controlling behaviours then you've passed the healthy level. This might be badmouthing them, guilting them or fostering feelings of mistrust.
Unhealthy jealousy is often indicative of low self-esteem and has little to do with the other person. Nevertheless, you're not your partner's therapist and vice versa. If you notice this trait in yourself or your partner, you need to have a serious conversation.
The main sign that you might be better off breaking up is that you're simply not happy anymore.
The relationship has become a constant chore, you fight incessantly, and you feel more comfortable hanging out with friends than with them.
Try to remember the last time you felt really free and happy around your partner.
Can't remember? Or just feel like it's been way too long? You may have been done with your relationship for much longer than you've realised.
It's like quiet quitting, but for your love life.
When should you break up and when should you save the relationship?
Of course, having a few bad days is no reason to end an entire relationship. Relationships take work, and often you don't want to just throw that away. There might still be feelings on both sides, but sometimes it still doesn't make sense.
Once you've figured out where your head's at, talk to your partner about how you're feeling and any worries you have about the relationship. Open communication is essential and often helps get to the root of issues.
If you really want to work on your relationship then you might want to consider couples therapy. However, if nothing feels like it's helping then don't feel trapped. It's ok to let go, because often as hard as it is, it's for the better.
This feature originally appeared on Glamour Germany.
