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What are “rizz coloured glasses,” you may ask.
Well, a lot of us have probably worn them without realising it. Moments into a first date, we are swept off our feet by the person sitting across from us. There's something about their easy-going smile, their seductive eyes, their effortless charisma. You might say, they've got rizz.
Yes, rizz might be one of those Gen Z terms we'd love to retire soon, but it's certainly a good descriptor. While charm and charisma can definitely send you into a giddy state of infatuation, it is rarely the only ingredient in a healthy relationship — so what happens if you keep falling for the wrong people? What happens if you can't stop dating with ‘rizz coloured glasses’?
According to dating website, Plenty of Fish, quite a few of us are struggling to see clearly these days. In fact, ‘rizz coloured glasses’ are set to be one of the dating trends of 2024, with 52% of people surveyed claiming that rizz was attractive and 43% admitting to having fallen rizz.
Jessica Alderson, a dating expert and founder of So Synced, tells us more.
Just as a spider carefully weaves its web, an individual will lure in their dates with a series of subtle and unsuspecting tactics.
Just like some of us might be prone to seeing the world around us through “rose tinted glasses”, giving the world a kinder, prettier, more optimistic tint than it has in reality, others may be drawn to see their dating lives through “rizz coloured glasses”. In other words, they might prefer to judge their dates based on rizz levels rather than things like compatibility.
If you have a tendency to get swept up by someone's ‘rizz,’ don't panic. It's actually very normal. After all, rizz can be attractive.
“By definition, rizz is all about charisma and smoothness,” says Alderson. “People with rizz have excellent communication and persuasion skills. They know how to engage others, create a positive impression, and convey their ideas convincingly. These individuals know exactly what to do and say to draw others in, and this is a powerful tool in the dating world.”
It can be hard to see past someone's charisma because they often use it in the early phases of dating to draw us in.
And why it's no bad thing.
“Rizz-filled individuals know how to tap into our desires and impact us on an emotional level,” she notes. “They might use humour, compliments, and flattery to make us feel good about ourselves and create a sense of connection. By doing this, they create a dynamic where we are less likely to critically assess their behaviour or intentions.”
In fact, someone with rizz can actually come across as a really great partner in the early stages.
“Having rizz goes hand-in-hand with confidence and self-assuredness, which can make people with rizz appear knowledgeable and trustworthy, even when their actual character may not align with these traits,” warns Alderson. “Confidence can be seductive, making it difficult for others to question or doubt them.”
Although it's normal to get carried away with rizz, it's also dangerous. As Alderson puts it, “it can cloud our judgment and cause us to overlook red flags or warning signs.”
The danger is, you will fall for someone's outer charm rather than who they are as a person when they aren't ‘on’.
“It can be a tough reality to face,” she says. “You might start to notice inconsistencies in their behaviour or realise that they haven't been completely truthful with you.”
Remember, rizz doesn't always equate to compatibility. “Relationships founded primarily on rizz lack depth and emotional intimacy,” she says. “Without a genuine understanding of each other's true selves, the connection will remain superficial.”
It's like quiet quitting, but for your love life.
So, what's a girl to do? How do we make sure we're not (metaphorically) wearing our rizz coloured glasses on all of our dates?
“It takes time, observation, and self-awareness to be able to look past the rizz and see someone's true character,” says Alderson. “But it's essential if you want to build a genuine connection based on mutual understanding and respect.”
Here are her tips:
1. Practice self-awareness: Be aware of your own desires, insecurities, and boundaries. This allows you to be more objective and less influenced by someone's rizz.
2. Observe their actions: Pay attention to how they treat others, not just you. This can give insight into their character and help you see past the rizz.
3. Take it slow: Don't rush into a relationship with someone just because they are charming. Take the time to get to know them and see if there is genuine compatibility beyond the surface level.
4. Get to know them in different settings: Seeing how someone behaves in various situations can give you a more well-rounded understanding of their personality.
5. Ask thoughtful questions: Engage in conversations that go beyond surface-level topics. Ask questions about their values, life goals, and past experiences. This can help you see their true character
6. Trust your gut: If something feels off, listen to your instincts. Your intuition can be a powerful tool in seeing past someone's rizz.
7. Move at your own pace: Don't always let them dictate the pace of the relationship. Take the time you need to evaluate their character and compatibility before committing.
8. Look for consistency: Pay attention to how they behave over time. Do they follow through on their promises, or do they make excuses? Are they consistent in their actions and words? This can help you see if they are genuine or just putting on a façade.
9. Bring up topics of conversation: Don't let them always control the direction of the conversation. They will often have certain topics or stories that they know will impress you. Take turns directing the conversation and see how they react to topics they don't bring up themselves.
10. Balance emotions with logic: Balancing emotions with logic is key when it comes to seeing past someone's rizz. Pay attention to your feelings, but also step back and evaluate the situation through a logical lens.
