“Good girl.”
I say it to my dog when she finally releases the bit of plastic she’s been chewing with feral enthusiasm. My partner says it to me when I’m on my knees in front of them, when I’m writhing in pleasure, when I’ve just found my own climax.
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It’s a jolting realisation: why do two simple words make me feel… electrified? And why do I want more than just those words? Praise, affection, validation — an unrelenting flood of it. Turns out, I’m not alone.
Praise kinks are everywhere. My social media feeds are clogged with memes, jokes, TikToks about being called a “good girl,” being treated like a princess in bed, and having someone whisper reassurance as you lose your mind during orgasm. And it’s not just our phones; Hollywood and streaming services are soaked with it. From Babygirl to Wuthering Heights, 50 Shades of Grey to The Secretary, media keeps returning to the same delicious idea: the intoxicating pull of being an absolutely, unapologetically “good girl” in bed.
What is a praise kink?
Let’s clear the air. A praise kink is exactly what it sounds like, but with nuance.
“A 'praise kink' is, simply put, a sexual preference where receiving compliments, affirmations, or any other form of 'praise' leads to sexual arousal or a higher level of pleasure," explains Annabelle Knight, Lovehoney sex & relationship expert. "It's important to remember that kinks differ from fetishes in that they are not 'required' for arousal or sexual enjoyment, but rather heighten the experience on a consistent basis.”
It could be your partner murmuring “good girl” as you go down on them. Maybe it’s a post-orgasm “I’m proud of you.” Maybe it’s something dirtier, something wildly specific, like “you look amazing when you…” Well, you get the picture. Praise becomes validation, and validation becomes delicious fuel.
Why are we seeing praise kinks everywhere?
It’s not a coincidence. Even if people don’t explicitly call it a kink, it’s bubbling everywhere online. From memes to TikToks to subtle bedroom dynamics, we’re seeing the same themes: domination, submission, affirmation, and verbal praise. A small joke about being a “good girl” taps into something far deeper.
“Our sexuality is undeniably linked to the state of the world that we live in and how that shapes our lives," explains Knight. "Given current socioeconomic, political, and world events, praise kinks may be seen as a sort of rejection of what's happening, a way to keep sexuality separate from it.”
From Wuthering Heights to Bridgerton and the Vladimir trailer, there is a definite pro-finger agenda going on in pop culture right now. How do we all feel about that?
And the big screen agrees. Who didn’t feel it when Harris Dickinson's character whispered “good girl” to Romy in Babygirl? She was physically aching for his approval, on her hands and knees, taking the offered sweet. The collective gasp at that scene was visceral. Heathcliff’s verbal affection drives Cathy in Wuthering Heights as he both offers and withholds praise. Later, he treats Isabella like a dog, both through praise and punishment, as she takes food from his hand. And yes, even Marvel's The Punisher has moments where a growled “good girl” becomes undeniably hot.
Can I enjoy praise in bed and still be a feminist?
I strive to be sex-positive. I write about sex, I have sex, and nothing thrills me more than when brunch conversation veers into the erotic. And yet… I still carry guilt. I worry I’m failing as a feminist if I enjoy a threesome, love giving blowjobs, or ask a partner to dominate me.
Why does a man calling me a “good girl” in bed make me feel so desirable? Why do I crave to be labelled “your slut”? Have I no shame?! Maybe not. Or maybe I just need the reminder that a praise kink has zero bearing on feminism. Your desires in the bedroom — consensual, communicated, and celebrated — don’t need to mean anything more than what they are.
The dominance that often comes with a praise kink, such as the approval, the permission, the “you can come now,” doesn’t have to spill into your everyday power dynamics.
“Although this might be the case in certain relationships, engaging in a praise kink with a partner does not automatically put one partner as the more dominant one or mean they are subjugating you," explains Knight. "It could even mean the opposite, in fact, if you are the one with the praise kink and taking (consensual) control of how your partner talks to you in sexual scenarios.”
I always feel free to ask for what I want in the bedroom, to direct the scene, to take charge, especially since I’m usually the kinkier one. And yet, there’s something delicious about surrendering that responsibility, about just being wanted, being praised, being seen.
Knight continues, “Kinks aren't singular either, so it might be that you have a praise kink but also want to explore being the dominant partner, or it might mean the opposite - it's different for everyone, and the important thing is communication and consent."
Here’s the truth: you can ask to be spanked and still be a feminist. You can ask to be spit on and still be a feminist. You can ask to be called your partner’s “good little slut” and still be a feminist. Feminism isn’t measured by what you do in bed; it’s measured by choice, consent, solidarity with other women, ethical decisions, and the unapologetic ownership of your pleasure.
How can you explore a praise kink with your partner?
Curious about being called a “good girl” but terrified of awkwardness? Start with communication.
“Every sexual act you engage in should start with good communication, and praise kinks are no different,” shares Knight. "It can be as simple as telling your partner that this is something that you enjoy and that you would like to try together. It generally helps to keep conversations around things like kinks inclusive – so instead of saying 'I want to try', say that you would like to try together, or ‘I want to explore doing this with you,’ as this makes the other person feel a part of the experience."
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Afterplay communication is key, too. Let them know you loved it when they did X, Y, or Z. If there’s a term you want them to use, pose it as a question: “Am I your…?” It’s playful, sexy, and removes pressure. Guide your partner there and explain how it makes you feel.
And here’s a pro tip: men love being called a “good boy,” too. Don’t be shy, explore it both ways.
It seems all good girls have a praise kink these days. So read up on what it is and how to partake, please and thank you.
