This article references miscarriage and baby loss.
‘Why everyone needs to stop speculating that Perrie Edwards is pregnant’.
That was the title of an article Glamour UK wrote on 11th August, in response to the slew of conjectural comments on the 32-year-old former Little Mixer's recent TikToks. Less than a week later, Perrie revealed that she'd previously experienced multiple baby losses, both before and after welcoming her four-year-old son Axel, whom she shares with fiancé Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain.
Perrie shared the news on Paul C. Brunson's We Need To Talk podcast, after Paul asked her about our article. “I saw that. I DM'd them saying, ‘Say it louder for the people at the back, badass energy from you!'” Perrie said, before continuing: “Because you never know what's going on behind closed doors. Alex and I have been through a lot. Axel's a rainbow baby. I had a miscarriage very early on with my first-ever pregnancy.”
Perrie then revealed that, after welcoming Axel in 2021, she got pregnant again. But sadly, Perrie and Alex were told that their baby's heart had stopped beating at 22 weeks. “It was the worst day of my life,” she said.
You wouldn't comment on a friend's post speculating about a pregnancy – so why would you do it to a celebrity?
It was also around this time that Perrie's rep got in touch with us to share how much Perrie loved the article we'd written, and asking if we'd like to interview her ahead of the release of her debut solo album, Perrie, on 26th September. Of course, we said yes. Days later, Perrie shared the news that she was, in fact, pregnant.
“I'm very emotional at the minute, I cry at the drop of a hat!” Perrie tells me a couple of weeks later at the interview. She's dressed in a pale pink bralette and skirt, with a cropped Zara trench coat and – admirably, given that she's heavily pregnant – a pair of high heels. I ask her when she's due. “At the start of next year,” she smiles. “I feel so positive in this pregnancy. I've got a very calm head space right now. Either way, whether I was pregnant or not, what was said in the article still needed to be said.”
Here, Perrie shares, in her own words, her experience of miscarriage and baby loss (and why the distinction between the two is important), what to expect from her debut solo album, and why she's “never fully closed the door” on Little Mix…
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Glamour: What was it about our article that resonated with you?
Perrie Edwards: I just loved the power in it. I loved how to-the-point it was, it wasn't trying to sugarcoat anything. I think things like that aren't really spoken about enough. If your friend was on social media and you had an inkling they might be pregnant, you would never post it on their page, because it's actually something quite private. So if you know the person, you wouldn't do it. But if you don't know the person, you think you have the right to speculate and say whatever the fuck you want. I was getting a bit frustrated with it, and I do think it's quite a sensitive subject for a lot of women.
GL: It definitely points to a weird entitlement around celebrity culture.
PE: Also, there's two ways to look at it. You're saying the woman looks either overweight, or she's got a belly, or whatever it is that you think you're entitled to comment on. But then, on the other hand, it's not your news to share. It's got nothing to do with you. For me, with this pregnancy, I hadn't even told majority of my family or friends yet because of what we went through in the past. We just wanted to make sure we'd had all the scans, and that everything was good, instead of having to go through everything again. What made it worse was having to tell everyone the updates. That was one of the hardest parts. It's not your information to know until it's ready for that person to want to share that, whether it's your friend, your family, or someone in the industry.
GL: Would you mind sharing, in your own words, what you went through?
PE: We fell pregnant again, not long after Axel. Part of me was like, ‘Oh my gosh, we’re going to have two under two, don't know if I can cope!', but then we became really excited. Everything was fine, every scan was great. I think the reason that we were so blindsided by it was because we just weren't expecting it.
I'm very superstitious. I remember on the day – and it sounds so silly, and it's really not necessarily anything to do with my experience – but when we went for the scan, we'd been [to that hospital] the whole time I was pregnant with Axel, the whole way through our pregnancy with our other little boy. We got there for the 20-week scan (but we were 22 weeks at the time), and we walked in, and normally we go left, go up the stairs. But we got in that day, and I went to walk up the stairs. Alex looked at me and went, ‘What are you doing?’, because he was injured at the time so he couldn't do the stairs, so we had to get in the lift. So I got in the lift, and I'm going up thinking, 'I don't like this. Something doesn't feel right.'
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Then the scan started. Our doctor was normally quite bubbly and upbeat, but in this moment, he was just very serious, very stern, and wasn't really saying much. It was COVID times, so Alex and I were both wearing masks, so we could only read each other's eyes. And I remember just looking at him and thinking, 'Something's not right'. He was looking at me, trying to be calming, but at the same time he was thinking, ‘This isn’t good.’
Then the doctor came out with all this information, and I just remember going deaf, completely. I couldn't hear a thing. I was just spacing out; I had an out-of-body-experience. Then I just broke down and started crying. Alex had to drive home somehow, even though he was injured. I was like, ‘I can’t drive, I can't see.’ Then we got home, and then that's when it all started to unravel.
Because that was the thing, it felt like it came out of nowhere. Every scan before had been fine, we just weren't expecting to go into the 22-week scan, and for our world to just crumble. And then the whole experience was very traumatic. A few days later, I remember being in the shower and my milk came in. I remember just going out the room like, ‘Mam!’, and she was like, ‘What, what, what?’, and I was like, ‘I’ve got milk!'. She was like, ‘Oh, darling, they said this would happen.’ But I just wasn't expecting it. I was devastated. That was the worst bit. My body was prepared for the baby, but the baby was gone.
So that just sent me over the edge. But I always knew I wanted more children, and that I didn't want Axel to be an only child. I wanted to be blessed with more kids, but I was just terrified. The thought of getting pregnant again was so scary. But because of what we went through, we've had loads of extra scans [for our current pregnancy] and it's been really reassuring. So with this pregnancy, I've felt completely different. It feels like the first time around. I love being pregnant as well. I love the feeling of being pregnant. I love the movements, I love the excitement. It's stressful, but it is the most amazing thing ever. So I'm glad that I got to the point where I was like, ‘Right, I’m ready.' And this wasn't planned either, so I'm glad I was relieved and happy when we found out. I was kind of pacing the floor, I'm not going to lie, but Alex was just so excited.
GL: You were touring at the time?
PE: Yeah, it was the Confetti Tour. It was the rehearsals I found out I was pregnant. I just remember being shattered and a bit bloated, and everyone being like, 'Oh my gosh, she's gained so much weight.'
GL: Again, the amount of people who think it's okay to comment on a woman's body is crazy.
PE: It's crazy. I think because, when you're in the public eye, people think they have domain over you, and they have the right to it. Which is weird.
GL: So how did you and Alex get through that time?
PE: We are very lucky to have each other. We love each other so much. He was just so worried about me, and I think he felt the lack of control, like there was nothing he could really do. But him just being there, and being by my side through the whole thing, just made it so much better. I kept asking him, ‘Are you okay?’, and he's like, ‘It’s not about me,’ and I'm like, ‘Yes it is though’. We both lost a baby. We both went through it. He's very like that with emotions, he tries to just suck it up and move on. But I could see that he was traumatised about it. I think he just wanted to try and be strong for me.
GL: What's the response been like since you shared your story?
PE: It's been lovely. So many people have reached out, like family members or friends that I didn't know went through it as well, so I think it is important to talk about. It's just the understanding of it. There was a lot of, ‘So what? It wasn’t even a baby.’ And I'm like, ‘Okay, this is where you need to start learning about the female body and learning about pregnancies’. Yes, we lost the baby, but it was a baby loss, not a miscarriage. When you're that far in the pregnancy and you lose the baby, it's a baby loss. You still have to give birth to the baby. It doesn't just disappear into thin air.
GL: What changes do you think need to happen?
PE: I think it's the same kind of thing with mental health. Baby loss is still a bit taboo. I don't know if it's because women are made to feel ridiculed in some way, like it's their fault when baby loss or miscarriages happen. There's so much in it, that that's not the case at all. I think people just need to be a bit more sensitive to it all.
GL: Did you channel any of your grief into the new album?
PE: Kind of, yes. At the time I was writing it [in 2022], it had just happened. It was very raw. I think when things are a little bit too raw, it's harder to delve into the emotion of it.
GL: Baby Steps is a very emotional track.
PE: I loved writing that song. There's a line in it, ‘It hurts to know you chose to do life without me’. I think there's so much in that. When you lose somebody, I feel like you grieve them and you go through all the different stages of grief. It sounds a bit morbid, but when you're so in love with someone, and they leave you or break your heart, it's like, 'Fuck, they're still walking the earth, but they just don't want me’. But I love the idea of everything in life, no matter how hard it is, you're not going to get instantly better. It's going to take baby steps.
GL: Which was the hardest song to write?
PE: Probably Same Place, Different View because it was so personal and it's about somebody else, I was very cautious of how I was saying things. It's about a friendship that I once had, that I no longer have anymore. We talk about breakups and heartbreak, but we don't normally talk about friendships that break down. And it was like losing a limb. I was with her every day. We lived in each other's pockets. We were the best of friends, we were so close, and we did everything together. To then not have her in my life anymore was a big thing for me. I found it really hard to adapt.
GL: It's the same sort of grief as heartbreak.
PE: It's the same thing. It's a lot. I didn't get closure, I didn't quite understand what was going on. So, in that song there's some home truths, but there's still that element of hope at the end.
GL: When I interviewed Leigh-Anne after her first solo music dropped, she said, ‘I love the music that we made in the band, but there was always that little thing inside of me that was trying to get out.’ Is that something you relate to?
PE: I think so! Because when you're in a group dynamic, it's pretty hard to get your own little point across. But when you're a solo artist, you can just sit in a room with a songwriter or a producer and just talk about your experiences, and put that into a song. So, yeah, it's definitely easier when it comes to concept ideas, because in Little Mix it had to suit the vibe of the band and the fan base. You can explore a lot more.
GL: What's it like launching a solo career at the same time as the girls? Jade just dropped her album, yours is dropping this week, and Leigh-Anne's working on hers.
PE: It's wild. But we just love each other so much, we just want to see each other do well and see each other win. We'll always message each other, because we know we can depend on each other for advice. It is fun doing the solo stuff and seeing how different we all are individually, but I think that's why Little Mix worked so well, because our different personalities and tastes just worked for the group.
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GL: I'd love to know what your group chat is called.
PE: It's just the 😮 emoji. Because there's so much tea that gets spilt in there. That chat goes way back. If that ever got leaked… I love it though, it keeps me sane.
GL: Every woman needs that group chat with the girls. And the five-minute long voice notes.
PE: Leigh-Anne sent me a voice note the other day and she was like, ‘Babe, have you seen that new movie, K-Pop Demon Hunters? You know that song Golden, please can you sing it to me on a voice note?’ And I'm like, ‘Leigh-Anne, I’m not a human jukebox. But sure.’
GL: Last week, Jade vowed that there will be a Little Mix reunion ‘if it’s the last thing she does’. Where do you stand on that?
PE: Because we love each other so much, we would never say no. I don't think we've ever fully closed the door. We knew that it came to a natural turning point in all our personal lives, career-wise, it felt like the perfect time to do what we did. But then in the future, who knows? The more we leave it, the more nostalgic it feels to me. When I hear a Little Mix song now, it just hits, doesn't it? We had some bangers. I feel like Little Mix will never die.
GL: Any updates on the wedding?
PE: We did have it planned, and I booked a venue for next year. I viewed in March, viewed it again in June, and I hated it. So now we're all in a bit of a frenzy mare. My mam's stressed. We're all stressed. Because I want to get married, but I don't know where now. I haven't even sent out ‘save the dates’. But I do really want to get married soon. I can't wait to get married.
GL: Finally, we've talked a lot about trauma and loss, but I'd love to talk about the positives of motherhood. How has it changed you?
PE: I just love babies so much. Growing up as a kid, I wasn't the kind of girl that thought about getting married or planning a wedding. But babies? Always. I always knew when I got older, I wanted to have babies. Obviously it's the hardest, most intense thing I've ever done in my life, and I did Little Mix, so that just says it all. But it's the most rewarding, most incredible thing. I love being a mam. I love Axel so much. When I was pregnant with him, I felt very powerful. I felt invincible. It's made me a better person.
Perrie is released on 26th September.
