Networking can be challenging at the best of times, but it is an essential practice in today’s work climate - especially for those of us who aren’t backed by well-connected or well-off families.
I remember the first time I realised I was sitting in a room filled with privilege. Out of the team of seven people I was working on at the time (all of whom were straight, white women might I add), there were just two of us who hadn’t been born and raised in London - something which had allowed them to live at home and chase internships and lower paid jobs.
Many other colleagues came from money, others were Oxbridge educated, while some had family members higher up in the industry. But it’s not just media that is filled with nepo babies, it’s most industries.
Men are praised and rewarded for their ambitions, but women are more likely to be penalised for acting on theirs.
“It’s a well-known fact that individuals with strong connections and financial resources tend to have better access to work experience, education, and alumni support,” Janine Jacobs, a people-first culture specialist and co-founder of Happy HQ, says.
“They’re likely to have more open doors to incredible opportunities compared to those who don’t. Professional biases, including education bias, can also favour people with privileges.”
However, all is not lost. Enter: networking. “Networking is all about building relationships - you just have to be prepared to put the work in, get yourself out there, and find ways to demonstrate genuine passion,” Janine adds.
There are many successful women who have gotten to the top of their games without having rich parents to back them. So we spoke to them and asked for their best networking tips - from doing the groundwork to always being kind.
It’s all about your mindset
Growing up, leadership coach and organisation consultant Merrisha Gordon didn’t realise her background was any different to other kids until she went to high school. Born to a teen mum who had her at 14 and raised her on a council estate, she says that watching her teen peers go on holidays and have money for trendy clothes was a catalyst for working hard at school and going on to further education.
Merrisha went on to work as a senior leader in the NHS for over two decades, and says that, for networking, mindset is key.
“You may not have come from the same background as others, but you are no less than anyone else,” she says. “It's important to recognise the thoughts you are having on this, because thoughts affect how we feel and how we show up. Remember, most people have formed an opinion about you within seven seconds. Ensure you feel comfortable and confident in what you are wearing. Make eye contact. Smile. And be relaxed.”
The model let her outfit do the talking.
She adds that it’s good to remember that there will always be other people in the room who feel the same as you, and that it could be good to practice introducing yourself, like a personal elevator pitch.
“Be authentic,” she adds. “Don't go to an event thinking about what you are going to get from it but be open and curious about what you might learn from it. You might find that you learn new things about yourself and others, and you might learn that you quite enjoyed the experience. If it doesn't go as you expect, do not see this as a sign of failure. There is no failure, only feedback to prepare you for your next experience.”
Prioritise meeting people face to face
Deborah Alessi, CEO of Beverly Hills Wellness and Aesthetics says she had to learn a lot after her father passed away when she was just seven years old.
“I had to learn to think very quickly on my feet, learn survival skills and think outside the box, as my comfort zone was gone,” she says.
Deborah says meeting people IRL is the best way to network.
“If you do not have a big connection, you just have to get out there, you’ve got to knock on doors, go to every event and meet everyone,” Deborah says.
“Just literally take on every opportunity you can. Obviously, everyone goes through Instagram, Google Ads and all of this today but what you really need to do is face to face interaction is always the best for me. It’s how I grew my charity and how I grew the business around the globe is meeting people, talking about your product. Go to every event, go to every party, meet people, mingle: it’s the old school way and the best way for me.”
It’s OK to feel like an imposter
Rachel Humphrey, founder and director of Brand Building Co, says a mixture of her West Indian roots and a “working class Northern mentality” meant being tenacious was ingrained in her from a young age.
“But also being passionate about what you did was high on the agenda and it was completely accepted by my parents that we would always seek what we loved the most,” she adds. “If it didn't make you happy you were on the wrong path.”
After moving to London at 19, Rachel started working in PR but says that she “definitely had to turn down opportunities” as she didn’t have family in the capital where she could stay while taking on internships and low paid roles.
Why you might want to think twice before *claiming this energy*.
“I was offered an amazing role at the beginning of my journey to be a fashion assistant at a leading fashion publication - I had to turn it down when I heard the salary,” she says. “I couldn't pay for my rent and expenses so far away from home - I said no and often looked back on what could have become from that opportunity.”
Rachel adds that believing in what you have to offer is the key to networking when you don’t have that starting off support behind you.
“I think acknowledging that you will feel like an imposter and like you do have to start from scratch is the first thing. Once you grow comfortable with the fact that you have to dig deeper and find an inner confidence and believe in what you have to offer - you can then acknowledge the feelings and move forward regardless,” she says.
“It's tough walking into rooms and interviews when you don't have an 'in' or a contact that helps the journey - but really ability and skill set will always shine through.”
Move to where your industry is
Fashion and portrait photographer Rachell Smith, who came from “humble beginnings” in Wolverhampton says being accepted to study at a London university really helped her career as it allowed her to be in the right place.
“I learned that location was vital. Some of those challenges were easier as I moved to London to study but it was like another world initially. It is very different from a small Midland or Northern town and it took time to adapt,” she says. “When you don’t have connections it makes it even harder to succeed. It was a constant strive for success even in the face of all of the knock backs and uncertainty - it was a huge risk but it paid off. It is down to hard graft, determination and confidence.”
She adds that networking with your network is key. “Relationships are just as important as learning on the job,” she says. “Be a nice person, help people, socialise and act with integrity in the workplace - you will naturally start to develop your network and that network leads onto another network. Also, remember, any industry is small and you don’t know who you will meet again further down the path, so again, have good ethics right from the get go. I heard a great saying recently: ‘Don’t compete but collaborate’. This is so true if you don’t come from a well-connected background.”
Treat others the way you want to be treated
While Heather Delaney, founder and managing director of tech communications consultancy Gallium Ventures, grew up in California, she says trying to make a career in London as a foreigner was challenging.
“Coming into the industry I was limited as a foreign national, as I didn't have the connections my peers had and was also seen as an outsider,” she explains.
“Because of this I first worked for six months in PR recruitment, in order to figure out which companies kept their teams happy and how they cared for them on the inside.”
She describes her approach to networking as “very Californian, karma is strong hippie-type”.
“Treat others the way you want to be treated and make friends is the best tip I can possibly give,” she says. “Even if you don't make connections for work, you can at least make friends whether at networking events, the local coffee shop or even on the train. That will be more valuable than any 'transactional' type of relationship others might establish as it is an authentic foundation for a relationship. This simple advice might sound boring but is actually a rare trait in business as it means those who are kind are remembered.”
The interview process is a two-way street.
Remember that opportunities are everywhere
For Iti Malken, a consultant, coach, and the founder of Level Up By Iti, growing up in Estonia during the 1980s when it was still part of the Soviet Union any “western” books or knowledge she learnt was from items that were smuggled in.
“There really weren’t any entrepreneurs around when I was growing up and I didn’t come from an entrepreneurial family,” she says. “So apart from my business degree everything I have learnt has been self taught.”
Iti says it’s important to remember that opportunities can be everywhere - so it’s best to be open to meeting new people and bringing positive energy when you do.
“Enter a room with high energy and you are already a step ahead than most people,” she says. “If your energy is magnetic you attract new people into your life with ease and also new opportunities, collaborations come along. This is how you get the ball rolling.”
Follow those doing what you want to do
For journalist Minreet Kaur, being the child of immigrant parents who worked double shifts showed her the benefits of hard work - and it’s something she’s applied to making her way in media.
“I’ve found it so hard in the media, not knowing anyone, not being a nepo baby and not having any connections. I am still constantly knocking on doors,” she says. “I’ve had to do all the networking, building relationships myself. I’ve not had any hand me downs.”
Minreet advises reaching out to people who do what you want to do and asking them for a coffee.
“Try to show the work you’re doing by using social media, tag the right people. Go to events and talk to people, ask for advice and one thing never give up,” she says. “Just because you don’t know people and aren’t well connected doesn’t mean you can’t make it. Anyone who has the drive, determination and perseverance can make it. Just keep on going. Someone you’ll meet along the way will offer their support as there are people out there who want to help and see people succeed.”
Connect with people on a personal level
When Kelly Cookson’s mother split up from her father as a child, she watched her mum “reinvent herself” in her 30s which influenced the now 41-year-old to always take risks to advance in her career.
Now a marketing strategist, Kelly says one of the best ways to network is to make connections personal and memorable.
“Be yourself! And remember that you ARE an expert in your field,” she says. “People buy from people and you'll find a connection outside of money or status that will keep you front of mind when opportunities arise. For example, are you a Formula One fan like me? Or do you do a sport or have an interesting hobby? There are ways to connect on a more personal level and being kind and sharing opportunities with others always goes a long way. In my business, I focus on connecting with people on that personal level and it's created many opportunities for me to work with others and grow my business.”
Career experts give us the low-down.
Understand your values and purpose
Hair stylist and owner of Wildflower, Danielle Garner says having a mum who struggled with addiction forced her to be the parent in her life from a young age. She was repeatedly told not to go into the hairdressing business, and she believes that’s because she didn’t come from a well-connected background.
Yet, Danielle, now 30, ended up launching her own business at 25 and recently won “the one to watch” trophy at the It List Awards. She says knowing your purpose is the best way to approach networking.
“You can’t be any more than what you genuinely are in your life, your body or your soul. It is important to really understand your values and purpose before putting the energy into driving yourself forward,” she says.
“Once you know what your purpose is then it's much easier to network and progress your career. Feeling that vision allows you to intuitively find the right path for you. You can stop doing the things that don’t serve you and focus on what does.”
Get out of your comfort zone
Growing up as the child of a single, working-class mum, Hollie Murtagh says this made her ambitious and independent as she knew she wanted to make a change for her family.
After working in the recruitment sector for 20 years, Hollie is now the managing director at Simply Education and won the SME business woman of the year award in 2022. She says that when it comes to networking, getting out of your comfort zone is key.
“Reach out to influential people and be willing to start at the bottom!” she adds. “My biggest bit of advice is learning from your peers and mentors and don’t be afraid of making mistakes, they will help you in the future. I have had a personal and business mentor for the past 3.5 years and they have changed my whole perspective on business.”
Research the people you want to talk to at an event
When Laura Gibson joined the world of property PR in the 2000s, she quickly realised that it was then both a man’s world and a place for upper class people. Being neither of these, she says she had to work harder to get ahead.
“I was made the youngest director ever in my role as head of marketing, communications at a property advisory firm and then I had a very supportive CEO who wasn't afraid to champion me as a senior female leader,” she adds.
Now the co-Founder and director at Calvermont Ltd, a property and destinations focussed PR, Laura says one of the best ways to network is doing your research on people before an event.
“Research the targets you want to talk to at an event in advance and find common ground - this could be sports or literature or something else,” she says. “But, most importantly, know your subject matter intensely so you can converse on an intellectual level on subjects that will ultimately win you business by demonstrating your insight and expertise.
“Also, don't be afraid to ask questions - the right ones will demonstrate intellect and keep a conversation moving in the right direction as well as providing you with the right information to follow up with opportunities to take a fledgling relationship forward.”
Let's talk money.
It’s all about doing the groundwork
When Rebecca Barr was four years old, her father died while serving in the Navy, which resulted in her, her mum and her sister being evicted from their Navy quarters and “forced into an unsettled life”.
Rebecca ended up homeless when she was 15 and was taken in by her friend’s family - but says her upbringing meant that she faces a lot of prejudice along the way as well as roadblocks.
Now working as a wealth activator and business growth strategist, Rebecca is known as The Femalepreneur Coach, and says doing the groundwork can be a good way to meet people.
“It's about doing the groundwork and signing up for everything, you've got to put the work in and you'll never know who you might meet,” she advises. “I signed up to my local chamber of commerce, I joined online business support programmes, coaching programmes, you name it. I did it just to get myself out there and meet new people.
“Now with the online space, join a network that you feel aligned to. There are so many opportunities out there and it's about stepping out of your comfort zone and throwing yourself into it head first.”
