When I was a teenager, one of my greatest fears was being asked to read aloud in an English class.
My dyslexia made reading and writing difficult, and my experiences of bullying left me hyper-sensitive to the way that others saw me. It meant that every lesson was a waiting game, with knots twisting in my stomach at the sound of turning pages and fears rising and falling alongside my teacher's pointed finger.
So you may be surprised to learn that I, the struggling reader and fearful student, have just written a book about fearlessness.
If it does surprise you, I have to ask why? Is it the dyslexic becoming a writer or the formerly fearful girl being an expert on fearlessness? In my eyes, it should really be neither. Authors from Agatha Christie to F. Scott Fitzgerald have shown that dyslexic people can be great writers and, well, when it comes to being fearless, experiences of fear are pretty formative.
I say this because I have been fearful, and I have grown fearless; I have been too afraid to read aloud in a year 10 classroom and have become brave enough to narrate my own audiobook for the world (I recorded it a few weeks ago, was actually really fun, thanks for asking, hun). Facing my fears has made me an expert in the cultivation of fearlessness.
As my sense of self-love evolved, so did the kinds of people that I let into my life.
People are often surprised when others do the unexpected. No one expects a dyslexic to be an author or a frightened teen to become a confident woman. Then again, no one expected to see a four-foot black girl twerking on a police car at Carnival last year, but there I was. When it’s me or the expectations that have to change, I am pretty set on being myself, so others might have to get used to some surprises.
That is no bad thing because expectations can be dangerous. They can leave your possibilities constrained by your disabilities and your present constrained by your past. Expectations can result in living beneath other people’s very low bar.
That is why my book opens with the commandment to “Be Unexpected.” Standing comfortably outside of other people’s expectations can make you free. Free from the fear of standing out and free of the weight of trying to fit in, free to choose who you want to be based on your own expectations, and free to set them on your own terms.
Being unexpected was also the first commandment I learned to live by, and it was necessary because I was born unexpected.
Before I came into this world, my parents were given my unexpected diagnosis of Achondroplasia (I’m a little person – in case the gorgeous picture above didn’t make that clear), and it meant that from day one, I had to learn to be different and to be seen differently. I had to learn that many people in the world would think that I am somehow strange or unserious simply because of how I look; I had to learn that I would be associated with mythical creatures (dwarves) when I just wanted to be a moody teenager, I had to work to be taken seriously when people only wanted to see me as a joke.
“I want to be peach. I don’t think brown skin is… beautiful.”
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I had to be fearless.
And I had to accept that people would stare. So I decided to get used to it and get good at it. If people were going to stare at me, I could try and avoid their gaze, or I could give them a good reason to. If I was to be stared at, it wouldn’t just be because I was different; it would be because I defied people’s expectations.
The rest of my commandments for living fearlessly have grown out of my later experiences. I share these throughout my book because everything from practising self-love to living in the moment can help you to live more fearlessly.
Whoever you are, this is valuable. Whether you want to be an activist that changes the world or simply live more comfortably within it, a little less fear is always a good thing.
So join me and discover my journey towards fearlessness. I am proud to say that I have learned enough to teach, known enough hate to see the power of love and faced enough fears to become truly fearless.
Now I just need someone to find me an English class. I’ve got a book to read out.
Main Character Energy by Fats Timbo, Blink, released 13th April 2023, £18.99.
