When you’re not familiar with the sentiment and the meaning behind Ramadan, it can be hard to know how to navigate the conversations around it, especially when you’re around colleagues and friends who will be observing.
If you want to be supportive without accidentally coming across as insensitive – I’d say that’s already a very good start to begin with. On behalf the Muslim community, I’m here to advise you on exactly how to support those around you that are observing during the holy month of Ramadan.
The good news is that Ramadan, among other religious observances, is no longer “a taboo” topic to talk about – be it in a professional setting or a casual chat among friends. Thankfully, we’ve moved past the times when there was barely any celebration or visibility on what is probably the biggest event in every Muslim’s calendar. With this in mind, you’re definitely more than welcome to bring up or engage in conversations around Ramadan, without having it look “weird” or “out of place.” And that’s exactly why the following tips are of the utmost importance:
Show curiosity
Don’t be afraid to ask your Muslim colleague or a friend about Ramadan and what it means to them, you’d be surprised at just how glad they’d be when they’re presented with an opportunity to share something so near and dear to their heart. Try to do this with a relaxed approach and don’t bombard them with a series of potentially insensitive questions and comments like, “Why would you put your body through this voluntarily?” or: “this is wild, I’d never sign up to this.” Instead, try to start with something simple to give them an opportunity to open up, for example: “What does Ramadan mean to you?”
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Don’t feel “sorry for them”
As a Muslim, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard something along the lines of: “I’m sorry you have to go through this,” or “I feel so bad for you,” or “you poor thing.” Having spoken to a few of my Muslim friends, we’ve all agreed that although we don’t really tend to take these comments to heart, it certainly becomes a bit frustrating when they pile up over time. Let’s clear this up once and for all: Ramadan is not a torturous task.
On the contrary, Muslims very much look forward to it every year. It’s a time for celebrating community, family, self-reflection, mindfulness and so much more. All of this actually puts us in a very positive mindset – so you can imagine how hearing such “sorry” comments might be de-motivating, and at times, frustrating. Granted, I’m not here to deny the fact that going without drinking and eating isn’t hard, but what many people don’t know is that Islam actually exempts some people from fasting who wouldn’t be able to handle it as well as others, including those on their period, pregnant or ill.
Actionable acts of support
Whether your aim is to support your colleague or a friend to show that you’re genuinely there for them, there are definitely more than a few actions that you can start with.
In a workplace: If you’re a line manager, try to see if there’s a way for you to potentially offer flexible ways of working to your observing direct report. You’d probably benefit from knowing that the exact timings for the fasting period change ever so slightly every year, because the Muslim calendar year is considered shorter than the traditional Gregorian calendar year – which means that it begins roughly 10-12 days earlier with each passing year.
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Suhoor (the first meal of the day before the fast) may sometimes start as early as 4am, and Iftar (the meal with which you break the fast) may fall on or around 6pm, which ultimately means that some employees would prefer an earlier start or a later finish. You can also see if your direct report would benefit from reducing the number of in-office days, particularly during the first few weeks, when working from home would be significantly easier than having to withstand a potentially long commute. And if you regularly work with someone who’s observing, one thing you can do is to stay mindful of their core working hours in case they’ve been adjusted for the duration of Ramadan (especially when it comes to scheduling meetings).
With a friend: You don’t have to be close friends in order to be supportive during Ramadan. Simple acts of kindness like gifting them a box of assorted dates or sending them a care package of supplements with electrolytes, skincare goodies or snacks will show just how much you care in the sweetest way imaginable. Want to go the extra mile? Invite them over for Iftar or suggest going to a Halal restaurant so that you and your friend can break their fast together. Ultimately, one of the best things you can do is something that requires no effort – words of encouragement and curiosity. Simply checking in on their wellbeing or even what they had for Iftar last night would mean the world to them.
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It’s okay to slip up
Lastly, I thought I would finish on an arguably unexpected piece of advice: it’s okay to slip up. While your Muslim friend or colleague would surely appreciate your support, they also wouldn’t expect you to be conscious of Ramadan at all times. Trust me, we fully understand that if you don’t observe or if you follow another religion (or none), it’s only natural that Ramadan wouldn’t be at the front of your mind, even when trying to stay mindful for the people around you.
So if you accidentally ask around the office “what are you having for lunch today?” or “shall I refill your water bottle?” only to then realise that your Muslim colleague is fasting, let me assure you that it’s far from the end of the world. Same goes for the scenario if you accidentally WhatsApp-ed your Muslim friend to ask them whether they want to catch up over brunch. Even when someone wants to show their support, we don’t expect everyone to be constantly as aware of Ramadan as we are. All that matters is the intention, and the tiny yet meaningful acts of support you can show in the process.
For more content from Glamour UK Beauty Commerce Writer Denise Primbet, follow her on Twitter @deniseprimbet and Instagram @deniseprimbet.
