In recent years, group chats have taken the place of social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram – both of which have begun to feel less and less like communal spaces for sharing personal updates and more like one big ad. By contrast, the group chat is private, deliberate, and much more intimate (and full of NSFW memes).
But with any new social environment comes new rules, norms, and etiquette. How do we navigate these new digital watering holes?
That depends. For close friends or family in a chat, it’s important to understand the underlying dynamics already at play within the group. “Be aware of all of these symbolic meanings that you're bringing from your offline world,” says Pamela Rutledge, PhD, director of the Media Psychology Research Center, an independent group of collaborative researchers, and Professor Emerita at Fielding Graduate University. “Why are we so surprised that these things that we do offline have translations online? Just because we’re all on a group chat doesn't mean we all get along any better than if we were all sitting around a lunch table.”
For chats with what social psychologists refer to as weak ties—for example, the women in your book club, or an alumni group—things may feel a little more formal. In those chats, specifically, a guide to etiquette and appropriate behaviour may feel the most useful. And most rewarding. “It’s all these little groups that make us feel more connected,” says Dr. Rutledge. “That’s a very positive thing because feeling like you belong is one of the core drivers of well-being and human behaviour and all those other good things.”
So, what are those expectations? Glamour recently conducted an informal survey of more than 100 readers about all things group chat, including proper etiquette. With our readers’ feedback – as well as input from Glamour editors and, frankly, common sense – we came up with the 10 Commandments of the Group Chat. We can’t promise that strict adherence to these rules will result in a completely drama-free chat, but they will at least take some of the guesswork out of what is and isn’t expected in the day-to-day digital conversations that rule our social lives.
Heed with care!
10 Group Chat Rules to Live By
1. Thou shalt receive consent before making changes to the chat.
Glamour readers were very, very adamant that consent is needed from the group before a new person is added to the chat. The person being added to the chat also needs to give their consent. And if they say no, that’s fine! Some people are just not the group chat type. It’s nothing to get worked up about.
2. Thou shalt not lurk.
63% of Glamour readers polled think lurking is annoying and also kinda creepy. Participate or leave!
3. Thou shalt not leave the chat without a notification.
There are many reasons why you might want to leave a group chat. Maybe there’s drama, or maybe you’re just incredibly overwhelmed by the number of notifications you’re receiving daily, or even hourly. But before you go, tell the chat that you’re leaving, and that if they want to reach you they can text you directly. Otherwise, the last person to have sent a message in the chat might feel like they were the reason for your sudden departure.
4. Thou shalt keep the gossip secret.
Gossip shared in the chat stays in the chat (unless otherwise specified). Chat is sacred! Treat conversations in a group chat the way you would the conversations at any social hang. Assume that something is being shared in confidence, especially if it tends toward gossipy. Screen shots are a risk that come with the territory, but remember the Golden Rule: Keep your lips zipped for others as you’d like them to keep their lips zipped for you.
Women have long been shamed for enjoying a good gossip.
5. Thou mayest use reactions to acknowledge something.
The iMessage “reactions” are a little passive, sure, but let’s be real: not every message warrants a typed-out response. That said, don’t leave anyone hanging! A single, solitary message with no response is just sad. Throw them a double exclamation mark reaction at the very least.
6. Thou mayest skim unread messages if the number of notifications is greater than 20.
We’ve all been there: You’re going about your business, not paying attention to your phone, and suddenly you look down and realise you’ve missed an entire conversation playing out via 109 unread messages. Don’t worry about reading the novella on your phone screen – it’s more than okay to skip over the messages, and ask instead for the TL;DR. It’s not rude, it’s practical.
7. Thou shalt not resuscitate a planning chat.
Once an IRL event is over, the planning chat is dead. Why are we adding new people to a chat called Miami 2019? Let’s all move on. Or at the very least, change the name of the chat.
8. Thou shalt not shame others for starting a side chat with some, but not all, members of the group chat.
79% of Glamour readers polled agree that side chats are just a natural progression of some conversations. Chill out.
9. Thou shalt use voice memos sparingly, and with care.
I’m at work – I can’t listen to a 10-minute-long voice memo about the hot guy at the gym. If you truly find yourself in an environment where you can’t type out what you need to say, and it’s really a conversation that needs to happen via the group chat and not a phone call, fine, send that voice memo. But keep in mind, the group chat is not your personal podcast!
10. Thou shalt not get too worked up about the chat!
According to Glamour’s informal poll, many readers experience anxiety about both their inclusion and exclusion from certain group chats. The bottom line: Group chats should be fun, not toxic. Take a break if you need to. Just give a heads-up to the group if you’re going to mute the chat or leave.
In 2026 group chats are more than just a string of text messages. They’re hierarchical, emotional ecosystems. Who speaks, who reacts, who exits, who screenshots? Our Group Chat series decodes the etiquette and power dynamics shaping friendships, work relationships, family threads, and “girl’s girls” spaces. This is about modern intimacy – and modern conflict – happening in six-inch rectangles.
