Scientists are convinced that our rank within our families can determine our personality traits - and after we shared a story on what your birth order reveals about your personality, people had thoughts.
The conversation was first sparked on the back of this year’s TikTok trend #eldestdaughtersyndrome, which amassed over 432m views, and revealed how eldest siblings tended to be more extroverted, agreeable and conscientious than those born later (who, me?!).
So we know what your position in the family reveals about your personality, but what does that mean for your dating life? I've lost track of the number of times I've heard friends blame their boyfriend's position as the eldest son for his arrogance and forceful nature, or attributed their partner's laziness to the fact they were the youngest so ‘everything was done for them’.
“The order of our birth may influence how we behave in relationships, as our family dynamics play a key role in how we experience adult romantic relationships," explains Bumble's resident sex and relationships expert, Dr Caroline West. “Whether you are a first born who takes responsibility, a middle child who compromises, or a charming youngest child, our birth order has the potential to shape how we show up in our relationships.”
So whether you’re an ambitious first-born dating an adaptable middle-child, or a charming last-born flirting with a sensitive only-child, the below guide reveals what your birth order says about your dating habits and your green and red flags. It will also give you a clearer understanding about what someone else might want in a relationship based on their birth order. God's speed.
Green flag tendencies: Organised, Ambitious, Takes charge
Red flag tendencies: Authoritative, Likes to be in control
Dr Caroline West's expert view: “First born children are often organised, ambitious, and natural leaders. This can be handy in a relationship as plans are easily made and date admin remains minimal. However, this can cause issues if they are used to being in control all the time. Equally, if they are left to do all the organising, they may end up feeling frustrated or taken advantage of.
"Sustainable relationships are about compromise, working through issues together, by recognising each other's strengths and weaknesses. Relationships are a two way street, so communicate with your partner about both of your expectations and responsibilities.”
Green flag tendencies: Adaptable, Peacemaker, Mediator
Red flag tendencies: Self-conscious, Eager to please, Accommodating
Dr Caroline West says: “Middle born children may be used to compromise, or playing peacemaker between older and younger siblings, so they can be great at finding balance in relationships. However, these skills often come at the cost of advocating for their own needs which can lead to resentment and miscommunication.
“Making our partners feel that it's OK to talk about their own needs is important, whilst validating their wants and desires.”
Green flag tendencies: Sociable, Fun, Charming, Loving
Red flag tendencies: Excitable, Carefree, Self-regarding, Daredevil
Dr Caroline West says: “Last born children may be adventurous and social as they grew up with older siblings and often tried to keep up with them. This sense of risk taking and adventure can be fun in a relationship, but can cause issues when dealing with issues that arise.. The initial honeymoon stage is fun and exciting, however last-borns may struggle as this phases passes and develops into calm emotional intimacy.
"Talk with each other to see where adventure fits into the relationship, while looking at how to face responsibilities that aren't so exciting. Open communication about boundaries and responsibilities go a long way whilst making it clear it's ok to ask for support if this is an area of difficulty.”
Green flag tendencies: Mature, Independent, Ambitious
Red flag tendencies: Self-involved, Defensive, Overly-assertive
Dr Caroline West says: “If you grow up as an only child, you might find that you have a well developed sense of independence and maturity. Whilst used to being on their own, only children may struggle with compromise or feelings of loneliness.
"In relationships, this might impact how arguments are solved, or how partners are supported. For a relationship to be successful, emotional maturity alongside empathetic and understanding approaches to resolving conflict is key. Create space where each partner feels that they are safe to be vulnerable and talk about their true feelings.”
Curious to know how you might fare with someone romantically based on their birth order? Here's a birth order theory pairing guide that might give you some insight before you commit….
- First Born + Last Born Pairing: First borns like to care for others and be in control, whereas last borns are more dependent, and less organised, so want someone to look after them.
- Middle Born + Only Child Pairing: The middle born may have some extra maturity due to having siblings, so can teach the only child how to share and be more collaborative.
- First Born + First Born Pairing: Two first borns may get into some friendly competition as they both like to be in control.
- First Born + Only Child Pairing: As two natural leaders and independent people, negotiation and compromise is vital for this pairing.
- Middle Child Pairing: Middle children usually end up with someone who is most like them, but can pair well with anyone.
- Only Child Pairing: A pair of only children may butt heads as both are used to being independent. Whilst used to being on their own, only children still want someone to share their life and interests with, often searching for common ground in partner.
