39 penis facts that will blow your mind
Willies. They're funny looking bits of kit aren't they? And while we can all get a good laugh out of their many euphemisms – Bat & Balls, Rumpleforeskin, Just-in Beaver – we wouldn't be here without them.
But how much do you really know about penises? Given they've been swinging around for years, you might be surprised by just how many facts you never knew.
Let's start with where they came from. The world's most ancient penis dates back almost 440 million years. A five millimetre long crustacean found in Hertfordshire in 2003 became the oldest known penis on record when scientists discovered it was surprisingly similar to modern relatives. Named "Colymbosathon ecplecticos (a.k.a "astounding swimmer with a large penis” in ancient Greek) it was described as having a “copulatory organ [that] is large and stout”.
As for erections, it seems boys were born ready since doctors have been able to pick up teensy foetal erections on ultrasounds of babies still in the womb.
And for blokes worried about the size of their member, they might be pleased to hear that their pecker is longer than they thought, since half the length of their penis is inside their body.
We've compiled 39 fascinating facts to help unmask the mystery of men's manhoods. Prepare to have your mind blown...
And, once you're done learning about penises, you can learn about your vagina in our 20 facts you didn't know about your vagina feature.
Yes, you can break a penis…
Despite there being no bones (humans are the only primates that do not have bones in their penises), a penis can still be broken. If it’s erect and twisted hard (ouch), or someone is too vigorous while on top, the blood vessels that assist the erection can burst, resulting in a lot of blood and swelling. One third of breakages are also caused by the men slipping out of their partner by accident and it getting violently twisted. So, yeah, be careful, y’all.
And the winner is...
Jonah Falcon from New York has the biggest penis on record - 13.5 inches. Gulp. Or maybe don't.
And the smallest?
The smallest natural penis recorded is 2 inches.
This is why you can’t move a hard penis…
Despite what many people think, the penis is not a muscle - it doesn’t even contain any. That’s why you can’t move it very much when it’s hard.
Night time erections...
Get this, healthy men typically experience between three and five erections during a night’s sleep. Each typically last for 25-30 minutes. That’s like four hours of nightly erections - surprised? Us too.
Big feet…
Remember when Julia Roberts says “You know what they say about men with big feet…” to Hugh Grant in Notting Hill and it’s fairly obvious she’s talking about his package? Well, despite most people being familiar with the phrase, foot size actually has nothing to do with penis size. Sorry.
The thing about size
Maybe it’s nature’s way of compensating but the good news for those who are less well endowed is that smaller penises have bigger erections. A study published in the Journal of Sex Research looked at 2,770 men’s erectile function and found that the difference in length between a short penis and a longer one was a lot less obvious when erect than when flaccid. The flaccid penises varied in length by 3.1cm (1.2 inches), whereas the average erect lengths differed by only 1.7cm (0.67 inches). Growers really are better than showers, hey?
Too much to handle?
Some men are born with two penises. The condition is called Diphallus and there are only around 100 cases reported worldwide currently. Last year, the first case of three penises was recorded. A two-year-old Indian boy received surgery to correct his genitalia.
No brain needed
Ejaculation requires no brains whatsoever. Truly. The mechanism is stimulated by the… spinal cord. Uh huh.
Satisfaction
Despite reports that lots of men worry about their penis size, they shouldn’t. 85% of women are said to be totally satisfied with their partner’s package. For those that still worry, here’s another reassuring thing: vaginas typically adjust themselves to any size or length.
Grounds for divorce?
Impotence has traditionally been grounds for divorce and it remains so in a lot of places, including many American states that allow 'fault' and 'no-fault' divorces.
Recovery
Just because he’s erect after orgasm, doesn’t necessarily mean he wants another go. There are many reasons for why some men stay erect after ejaculating - quality of blood flow, arousal levels and whether or not he’s taken Viagra or not. Sure, some men can get straight back on it, but some need 20 minutes' time out, and others need a full day to recover.
The thing about size
A large number of men are unhappy with their penis size. An internet survey was conducted of more than 50,000 men and 45% stated that they wish they had a larger penis.
That Icelandic Museum
There’s a museum in iceland dedicated entirely to the penis. Yep, Icelandic Phallological Museum contains over 283 penises from 93 species including humans. shudder.
The discovery of Viagra
Viagra remains the fastest selling drug of all time but was actually discovered by accident. Formerly known as UK92480, it was a treatment for the heart condition, angina. However, in 1989, when the drug company, Pfizer, was looking for something that would relax blood vessels, it trialled people with UK92480 but were surprised when they kept coming back with unexpected side effects - erections. The FDA approved the drug to treat erectile dysfunction for mass market in 1998.
The fear!
Phallophobia is the fear of a penis.
The irrational belief…
Koro is a syndrome when individuals have an irrational belief that their penis will retract back into their body.
Forward thinking:
One testicle always hangs a little lower than the other so they don’t hit off each other when a man is moving.
Each to their own…
According to the sexologist Alfred Kinsey, who, during the 1940s conducted epic research into human sexuality, on average one in a thousand men are flexible enough to orally pleasure themselves. Yikes.
And the winner is….
A study conducted by the University of Ulster found that men in the Republic of Congo have the biggest average penis size in the world at 7.1 inches.
They sure start early
Babies can get erections in the womb - ultrasounds have proved it.
Angel Lust
Corpses can get erect soon after they die. Named an 'angel lust', the blood gathers in the penis before it becomes soft again.
Good for your skin?
On average one teaspoon of semen contains only 36 calories and contains citric acid, amino acids, fructose, enzymes, and water. Maybe the amino acids is why some claim it’s good for your skin.
A what?!
A 2002 study from the University of Stanford found that the penis is actually pretty damn flexible. Typically it bends into the shape of a boomerang when inside the woman in missionary position.
Once more with feeling!
Experts say that not much changes for women in terms of feeling when they have sex with a man who is circumcised.
A little history
Circumcision gained wider popularity in the United States during the 1900s in order to stop masturbation. At the time, many people thought masturbation led to insanity so doctors prescribed this to try and solve it. Interesting theory…
XXL, please
Germany has the most penis enlargement procedures on record.
Not for the faint-hearted
A restaurant in Beijing, Guo Li Zhuang, specialises in serving penises. Yep, you can find from the genitals of 30 different male animals on the menu, alongside face and claw dishes.
Slow and steady wins the race
Women may on average find it harder than men to orgasm but when they do, their orgasms last longer. Typically a man’s orgasm will last six to nine seconds while a woman’s will go for 23 seconds.
A whale of a good time…
Blue whales have the biggest penises out of any species but that’s not particularly shocking.
Sucks to be shrew
The shrew has the smallest penis of the animal kingdom, typically just 0.2 inches.
Kill your speed!
The average speed of ejaculation is 28 miles an hour.
The unlikely festival
The Festival of the Steel Phallus is celebrated every year on April 6 in Japan. Originating in the 17th century, it began because prostitutes prayed during it for protection from STDs, but it’s now an event for AIDS awareness.
Stub it out
It’s been proven that smoking not only increases men’s chances of impotency but can also physically stunt it. The solution? Stub it out, lads.
A whole lotta foreskin…
Doctors are able to grow skin grafts for burn victims from baby foreskins. Just one foreskin can produce 23,000 square meters of it.
More in common than you think
The clitoris and penis share very similar nerve endings. Why? Because when boys and girls are in the womb, their genitalia are fairly similar before the male gene kicks in.
The lengths people go to...
Different people and cultures go to different lengths to make the most of their packages. Indian mystics known as Sadhus have been known to stretch their penis from a young age by hanging weights on it and Brazil’s Topinama tribesmen coax poisonous snakes to bite their penis to enlarge it.
Off the menu
Asparagus, red meat and dairy are all said to negatively affect the taste of semen.
The “Frankenpenis”
Lorena Bobbitt cut off her husband’s penis in 1993 and it resulted in copycat cutters all over the world. By the end of the millennium over 100 cases had been reported in Thailand alone. Bobbitt’s husband, John had his penis reattached and subsequently became a porn star, starring in two films, John Wayne Bobbitt: Uncut and Frankenpenis (true story) to finance his rising medical bills.
