He Says, She Says
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id="_mcePaste">Do you ever feel like men just don't understand
what you're saying - and vice versa?
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<div
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id="_mcePaste">It's the rule, not the exception: men and women
often do have very different approaches to communication. And
whether it's a result of the way our brains are wired, social
conditioning, or a complex cocktail of both, sometimes it can feel
like we're using entirely different languages: men speak Himglish,
while women speak Femalese.
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style="position: absolute; left: -10000px; top: 0px; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden;"
id="_mcePaste">
<div
style="position: absolute; left: -10000px; top: 0px; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden;"
id="_mcePaste">But we're not going to allow you to be left in the
dark: here's a handy guide to some of the most common types of
communication breakdowns between guy and girls - and how to deal
with them!
Do you ever feel like men just don't understand what you're saying - and vice versa?
We're not going to allow you to be left in the dark: here's a handy guide to some of the most common types of miscommunication between guy and girls - and how to deal with them!
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She says: ‘What are you doing on Bank Holiday Monday? I don’t have any plans.’
He says: ‘Me neither.’ And nothing else.
Hang on – that was a totally clear invitation for him to ask her out, right? Not exactly. It may seem perfectly clear to women, but men tend not to read between the lines – they take things at face value.
She should say: ‘Do you want to do something together on Bank Holiday Monday?’ Yes, asking him out may seem a little bit bold, but dropping hints will rarely get what you want from guys...and often make you feel frustrated when they clearly don’t understand you.
Bigpicturesphoto.comHe says: ‘I’m going to hang out with my mates on Saturday night.’
She hears: ‘I don’t want to spend time with you this weekend.’ Slow down! Unlike blokes, women do tend to read between the lines of statements like, but the resulting overanalysis – assuming, for example, that he is trying to imply that he doesn’t want to be with you - can end in totally unnecessary tears.
She should say: ‘Cool, have fun – and I’d love to earmark some time for us to spend together on Sunday. What do you think?’ With guys, direct questions get direct answers.
She says: ‘I see that the toilet seat was left up again.’
He hears: ‘I see that the toilet seat was left up again.’
Yes, now is the time when you’d like him to take responsibility for the fact that you nearly fell in to the loo last night. But you don't want to nag him, either. But telling him in a roundabout way rather than asking him outright rarely ends in him actually getting the job done and frequently leads to women feeling like their men are insensitive to their feelings.
She should say: ‘Sweetie, could you please be sure to put the toilet seat down when you go to the loo at night?’ Simple, straightforward - not remotely nagging.
Rex FeaturesHe says: ‘You should wear the green dress. It’s pretty.’
She hears: ‘Don’t wear the red dress under any circumstances. It makes you look fat.’
It can be tempting to project your own insecurities on to your communication with your other half. But remember: he can’t read your mind. If you’re asking him what is essentially a rhetorical question – one where no answer will really make you feel happy – consider instead telling him about how you are feeling and let him cheer you up, rather than using him as a target for your bad mood.
She should say: ‘I’m feeling a little self-conscious about my shape at the moment and I feel like nothing looks right.’
WennShe says: ‘You could call me sometime, if you want to.’
He hears: ‘You could call me sometime, if you want to.’
Girls, we totally understand that you don’t want to have to hit a guy over the head with a spanner to get him to ask you out. But the fact of the matter is that hinting that he should give you a call will not always persuade him that you like him – remember, though guys may have some comprehension that it may be their job to make the first move with women, all but the most alpha ones are often a bit shy. A bit of encouragement can go a long way.
She should say: ‘Call me.’ Wink optional.
Rex FeaturesHe says: ‘You’re cool.’
She hears: ‘Time to shop for a wedding dress!’ If that’s what she wants to hear, that is. It’s totally natural that if you really like a guy and he doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve, it can be tempting to read a lot into small gestures of affection, especially if you’re impatient for things to become committed.
She should say: ‘I really like you, too.’ If you’re honest about your feelings, he’s more likely to be, too.
WennHe says: ‘Maybe I’ll call you.’
She hears: ‘I’ll totally call you.’ Well, maybe he will, but he might also leave you staring angrily at your mobile and calling it from your landline to check that it’s working properly. If waiting to hear from him is going to make you crazy, well...put the ball in your own court. If he likes you, he’s hardly going to think he shouldn’t go out with you because you’ve suggested it.
She should say: ‘Let me take your number.’
Rex FeaturesShe says: ‘That sex was...um...great?’
He hears: ‘That sex was great!’ Sometimes guys with potential to be great lovers still need a little bit of guidance when it comes to making sex work with a new partner. Don’t be afraid to tell him what works for you – telling him that everything’s fine will only lead to him giving you more of the same. Which may be less than ideal.
She should say: ‘That was really fun! But do you know what else I really like...(you can fill in the blank)’
PA PhotosHe says: ‘Let’s keep it casual.’
She hears: ‘I’m scared of commitment but if you stick around I’ll eventually realise how great you are and be yours forever.’ Um, maybe...but maybe not. To most guys, casual means casual, not a promise of something more. And getting that particular c-word out there means that they feel absolved of any requirements not to see other people. Now, maybe casual is what you’re looking for, in which case this isn’t a problem. But if you’re looking for something more exclusive...
She should say: ‘What do you mean by casual?’ Engaging in a discussion about the terms of the relationship will make you better able to understand how involved you want to get.
Bigpicturesphoto.comShe texts: ‘I had a great time last night. Xxx’
He reads: ‘I had a great time last night.’ Ah, the load text-kiss! So meaningful to women, so completely confusing to men.
She should: Oh, go on, we think you should as many kisses you like – but just don’t get upset if he doesn’t send any back.
