Life According To J-Law
There's no-denying that she's got the best quips in the business
Rex FeaturesWhat Jennifer does when she meets Woody Harrelson.
“I walked into his bus [on set] to introduce myself and the first words that just fell out of my mouth were ‘Is that a sex swing?!’”
Rex FeaturesAnd Jesse Eisenberg (after too much coffee)
“Poor Jesse Eisenberg was talking about all of his OCDs, and then I was like, 'Dude, your OCDs are awesome!' And he’s like, 'I’ve actually been suffering from it my whole life,' and I’m like, 'I don’t care! Ha ha ha!' I was nuts.”
Rex FeaturesWhat Jennifer thinks about Honey Boo Boo.
“I love any kind of TV that makes me feel better about myself.”
Rex FeaturesJennifer explains why people like her breasts.
“I think people are fascinated with breasts that bounce. They are so used to seeing [fake ones]. People are confused [that mine bounce]! My breasts have a life of their own.”
PA PhotosJennifer weighs in on her figure (which is awesome BTW).
"I’d rather look chubby on screen and like a person in real life."
PacificCoastNews.comDid you know Jennifer used to have a tendency to exaggerate?
“I was just like a pathological liar when I was a kid. I think [...] I just wanted to one-up somebody. Somebody would be like, ‘Oh, God, my legs hurt.’ I’d be like, ‘Your legs hurt? I’m getting mine amputated next week.’”
Rex FeaturesDon’t tell Jennifer you like exercise, just don’t.
"I hate saying, 'I like exercising' — I want to punch people who say that."
PAJennifer’s reply after Jack Nicholson said she looked like an old girlfriend.
"Oh, really? Do I look like a new girlfriend?"
PA PhotosJennifer’s first words on accepting her Best Actress Oscar.
"You guys are just standing up because I fell, and it's so embarrassing."
Getty ImagesWhy we owe Jennifer’s brothers a great debt.
“I wanna thank my brothers, Ben and Blaine. I wouldn’t be who I am today without you being mean to me... but then really supportive and loving constantly.”
Rex FeaturesJennifer has some small imperfections.
“I just went to the doctor today. I got a chest X-ray of my lungs and discovered that my breasts are uneven.”
Rex FeaturesJennifer recommends buying well-behaved horses.
“My parents were cheap so they never bought trained horses. I have a deformed tailbone, actually, from being thrown off a horse.
Getty ImagesJennifer thanks Harvey Weinstein for her Golden Globe win – but not in the traditional way.
“Harvey, thank you for killing whoever you had to kill to get me up here today.”
Getty ImagesWhat makes Jennifer laugh.
“As soon as somebody farts around me, I think it’s hilarious.
PA PhotosJennifer’s either really caring or really embarrassing.
[Brushing past Josh Hutcherson while he’s in an interview] "Is your rash doing okay?"
PA PhotosDon’t be scared if Jennifer suddenly starts staring at you.
“Once I’m obsessed with somebody, I’m terrified of them instantly. I’m not scared of them — I’m scared of me and how I will react. Like, for instance, one time someone was introducing me to Bill Maher, and I saw Meryl Streep walk into the room, and I literally put my hand right in Bill Maher’s face and said, ‘Not now, Bill!’ and I just stared at Meryl Streep. [...] I just creepily stared at her.”
How does Jennifer describe herself.
“Very well-rounded, and practically perfect.”
PA PhotosJennifer compares Twilight to The Hunger Games.
“No, that’s not a vampire deal, that’s just a very violent, futuristic movie where kids are randomly selected from their home districts to fight in an arena to the death. But we don’t drink blood — that’s sick.”
Rex FeaturesJennifer’s team Brangelina. Natch
“Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were, like, two feet away from my table. And it changes you. Like, I have heart palpitations. They should be king and queen of America. I would pay taxes to them and not even think twice about it.”
PA PhotosJust don’t ask Jennifer about drinking.
“If there’s one thing people take from this article, it should be the lack of support for day-drinking in L.A.”
PA PhotosWhat not to do if you’re a fan of Jennifer.
“They scream, they cry, and one almost fainted. [...] I don’t know what it is. It kind of makes you look at yourself.”
Rex FeaturesWhat motivates Jennifer to wear make-up.
“I’ve just started getting my first paparazzi and stuff. The other day, like 25 photos of me and Nick [Hoult, her then-boyfriend] playing basketball showed up, and I said, ‘Jennifer, you’ve got to start putting on make-up before you go play basketball, because you look like s—t.’”
Jennifer encourages people to go and see The Hunger Games (sort of).
“I’m a troll. I hate myself whenever I watch — Don’t go see the movies, I’m a troll. I think the movie was great, but their biggest mistake was me.”
PA PhotosJennifer on the “glamour” of film premieres.
“It’s so scary. And then I end up getting so nervous that I get like [I am] now. I get really hyper. [Squeals.] So then I go in interviews and I’m like, ‘I’m like a chihuahua! I’m shaking and peeing!’ And then afterwards, I’m like, ‘I just talked about peeing on the red carpet.’”
Getty ImagesWhat happened when Jennifer found out she wouldn’t get fed till after the Oscars ceremony.
"I am starving! Aww, this show is so long! Sorry! I'm so upset about the food, I can't even..."
Rex FeaturesJennifer clarifies that she has won an Oscar and it is indeed hers.
"This isn't like an auction, right? You guys aren't going to take it away?"
Rex FeaturesJennifer, you really do tell it as it is.
"Not to sound rude, but [acting] is stupid."
PacificCoastNews.comWhat Jennifer does during her free-time. "If I don't have anything to do all day, I might not even put my pants on.
Getty ImagesJennifer’s ladies’ room visits.
"Backstage, I just peed like every 3 seconds. I think your staff thinks I have diarrhoea."
Rex FeaturesWhen Jennifer goes on holiday to Belize…
“It was UnBelizable.”
PA PhotosProvisions á la Jennifer.
"Candy, almonds, my phone, a Baby Ruth, Laffy Taffy… They don't have any food here. I'm really hungry … I might have somebody run to McDonald's."
Rex FeaturesIt’s official! Jennifer is Bradley Cooper’s personal match-maker.
"I feel like all I've been doing lately is setting him up… I was like, 'You know what? I'm gonna save time and just get you a booklet with pictures of my friends. You just go through and pick them out, because this is getting exhausting.'
Rex FeaturesJennifer reveals the negative side of winning awards.
"I actually have a significant fear of speaking in front of large groups of people, so every time they call my name, there's like that one moment of 'Yay, I won!' [followed by] 'Oh, I have to go up there.'"
Victoria’s Secret says Jennifer has the sexiest eyes, how does she react?
"Eyes?! What? From Victoria's Secret? I thought it was going to be like boobs or butt or something. My eyes? I'm mad."
Getty ImagesJennifer signs out.
“I forgot to thank Harvey Weinstein, so that’s the end of my career, but it's been amazing, it's been fun.”
