How To Be A Perfect Wedding Guest
As summer reaches its height, so does wedding season - and if you're not getting married yourself, you're likely to have quite a few celebrations to attend. How to cope with the pomp and circumstance and strange etiquette rules? That's where we come in: read our guide to being a perfect wedding guest, and then let us know your own top tips!
The invitation
When you get the invitation, respond as quickly as possible. Having the bride chase you down to find out if you’re coming is rather embarrassing, and if, as a result, she decides to make you sit at the worst table at dinner, next to her sleaziest uncle – well, we kinda can’t blame her. Also, remember only to RSVP for the people who are actually invited – if the invite isn’t addressed to you and your boyfriend, or you ‘and guest’, you’re really expected to attend on your own, even if you have recently fallen deeply in love. I know, it’s boring, but you can probably manage to spend one night apart. Think of it as a sacrifice that you’re making in honour of your friend’s special day.
The outfit
The rules of wedding dressing are more than a little bit complicated. Definitely don’t wear solid white. Black is becoming more common, but if you do it some people might not approve. Ditto if you wear something really short and tight – a knee-length skirt is a good rule of thumb. Make sure your shoes are appropriate to the setting – yes, we know you love wearing your Choos but you are going to love them less when they are inches-deep in mud outside a charming countryside chapel. And, if it’s going to be a religious wedding, bring a cardigan or a pashmina to throw over your shoulders during the service to be polite (also handy to have if the night goes chilly, although you can also opt for a hot usher to keep you warm).
istockphotoThe present
If you’ve spent lots of money getting to the wedding then certainly don’t feel compelled to buy an expensive gift, but a token is still nice – most people’s registries have some less-expensive items as well as the big ones. Yes, you pretty much do have to buy something off the registry, if there is one. It might feel extremely boring (nothing says 'I love that you're in love' quite like a meat thermometer) but it is what the couple wants and it is, after all, their day.
istockphotoThe ceremony
Your main responsibility when it comes to the ceremony is to show up on time. Really, that’s it. The bride is supposed to show up late, but if you do, then you may find yourself clattering in to the back of the ceremony when things are all serious and romantic. Don’t ruin the moment: make sure you have a map and a reliable method of transportation and aim to be there 15 minutes before the time stated on the invitation – you can always mill around outside and decide which of the groomsmen you want to chat up during the cocktail hour.
istockphotoThe receiving line
Receiving lines are a bit old-fashioned, but still quite popular. If they’re having one, the main thing to remember is a firm handshake, and a willingness to get smooched by some random strangers. That old-fashioned etiquette also dictates that you should congratulate the groom but not the bride – wish her happiness instead, because apparently congratulations makes it sound like you thought she’d never find a man.
istockphotoThe meal
Let’s be honest: the food at weddings is only occasionally fantastic – simply a function of it being, well, a big function, where cooking en masse means that sometimes not everything is delicious. Now’s not the time to complain, but if you’re really worried that you’ll not be able to eat much, it is fine to pack a sandwich or snacks in your handbag, but definitely not OK to eat it in front of everyone/otherwise make a scene. If you’re seated with strangers, do make polite conversation – but avoid sticky subjects like politics, religion, and how you don’t really like the groom very much...just in case the cute guy you’re sitting next to is actually his best friend.
istockphotoThe drinking
Consuming alcohol at a wedding is an experience that is somewhat unlike drinking on any other occasion – quite often, you start on Champagne in the middle of the afternoon and continue drinking slowly and steadily for at least the next ten hours. Feeling merry is one thing; getting plastered and then crying hysterically in the middle of the dance floor is quite another. Yes, there is always someone who gets terribly drunk and acts so foolishly that people talk about it for years to come. Don’t be that person. Please. Alternate a glass of water with each glass of champers and you’ll be able to have fun and maintain a state of dignity.
istockphotoThe dancing
The very best thing you can do? Get involved. Yes, the band is cheesy and no one is very good at dancing. But someone needs to show enthusiasm on the dancefloor – it makes all the difference to creating the right kind of atmosphere, and then the bride will be happy. You want the bride to be happy. Forget self-respect and your hatred of S Club 7. Just do it.
istockphotoThe thank-you note
Drop the hosts – whether the parents of the bride and groom, or the bride and groom themselves – a note to thank them for the day. It’s not absolutely essential, but it’s just a really lovely little touch.
