Glamour Awards

Amy Schumer’s Most Controversial Quotes

3 April 2017

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Since her hilarious acceptance speech at the GLAMOUR Awards, all everyone's talking about it Amy Schumer. Here are a few more "OMG" moments from our Trailblazer of the Year. (WARNING: some people might find the following offensive)

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On the Kardashians
"We have to be a role model for these little girls. Because who do they have? All they have literally is the Kardashians.
"A whole family who take the faces they were born with as a light suggestion? No!
We used to have Khloe and Khloe was ours. Whenever there is a group of women you identify with one of them right? Like with Sex and The City, you were like I’m such a Samantha.’
"Khloe has lost half her body weight. Khloe has lost a Kendall. We have nothing. I want good role models!"
Jill Greenberg
On body image in Hollywood
"At my first audition when I was 21, they were like, 'You should either lose weight or gain a bunch of weight, like be the fat friend or the romantic lead.' Can you believe they said this?” she said. “But I feel like more than other people saying it, it's a self-inflicted thing. We put pressure on ourselves and hold ourselves to this unrealistic standard.'"
Rex
During her GLAMOUR Awards acceptance speech
I’m 160lbs and can catch a dick whenever I want
Rex
On giving blood
I donated blood today. That's what I call getting an AIDS test.

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On an ex
I made out with a homeless guy by accident. I had no idea -- he was really tan, he had no shoes on. I just thought it was, like, his thang, you know? I was like, 'He's probably in a band.'
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On another ex
He was really into family... He'd never come on the road with me on the weekends 'cause he wanted to spend time with his wife.
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Her sex life explained
You have to pretend like you want to use a condom. I like to say something fun when I bring it up, but honest. I'll be like, 'You're going to want to wear this. I've had a busy month.'
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On her school friends
The girls I grew up with they're living normal, adult lives. So they call me now and they're like, 'Amy, I'm pregnant.' And I still react like, 'What are you going to do? I'll drive you, I guess.'

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On Twitter (OK, Twatter)
Now every idiot from high school's like, 'I'm back!' We weren't supposed to meet again. Stop poking me and inviting me to your weird vampire parties. No, I don't want to follow you on Twatter. Like, nobody's interested in you. I don't want to see you in real life, why would I want to follow you in the imaginary one?
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On baby-rearing
It says, 'It's safest to let them sleep alone, especially if you drink, use drugs or are overweight.' Yeah, I thought that was weird, too. But if you think about it, if you're drunk, stoned or really fat, in the middle of the night, that baby might look delicious. I've eaten weirder things.
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The joys of vaginal preening
It's work having a vagina. Guys don't think that it’s work but it is. You think it shows up like that to the event? It doesn't. Every night it's like getting it ready for its first Quinceanera, believe me.
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On popular culture
You know that show 'Teen Mom'? Or if you're from the South, 'Mom.'

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On the dynamics of a friendship group
In every group of girlfriends, there’s that one who is the sluttiest. If you don’t have that friend, you’re that friend.
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What she looks for in a man
I went home with this French guy because he said something adorable like, ‘I have an apartment.'
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On sexism
I get labeled a sex comic. But if a guy got up onstage and pulled his dick out, everybody would say, ‘He’s a thinker.'
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On her notorious Kimye fall
I think falling is the funniest thing and so I just took a dive right in front of them and pretended like I fell. [Kanye] did not crack a smile at any point... and there’s no way either of them had any idea who I am.

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Her mum gave good advice…
I just went through a break-up, actually. I'm not worried about meeting someone else or being lonely. I'm just worried about all the pictures. But my mom always told me, you know, ever since I was a little girl, 'Never put your face in them.'
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On her childhood friends
I feel like you know what you're going to be good at when you're older based on what you like when you're younger. When I was younger my best friend was Tony, this kid Tony, and he loved rocks. He was always playing with rocks, counting them, and now he's a crack head.
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She’s self-aware
I usually feel pretty good about myself. I know what I look like. You’d bang me, but you wouldn’t blog about it. You won’t be Twittering ‘You won’t believe who I’m inside.’ It’s fine.
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On her high school crush
I finally just slept with my high school crush. But I swear; now he expects me to go to his graduation - like I know where I'm going to be in three years.