Jennifer Aniston is set to star in and executive produce the forthcoming Apple TV+ project, I’m Glad My Mom Died. Based on the bestselling 2022 memoir by comedian and actor Jennette McCurdy, who as a child star, previously starred in a number of wildly popular Nickelodeon teen shows such as iCarly and Sam & Cat, the book details how her mother forced her into child acting to fulfil her own failed ambitions of being a star.
I’m Glad My Mom Died is also an unflinching and brave account of emotional and sexual abuse suffered at the hands of her mother, Debra McCurdy, and the eating disorders Jennette developed as a result. Debra passed away in 2013, when Jennette was 21, after battling breast cancer for 15 years.
The incredible memoir outlines Nickelodeon star Jeanette McCurdy's experiences with an abusive mother.
When Jennette published her memoir, the provocative title caused controversy and ensured that Jennette’s story did not go unnoticed along with the very important subjects tackled within the book.
When Glamour sat down with Jennette at the time, she revealed that the controversial title is a way for her to process the abuse she faced at the hands of her mother.
And now, with the news that Jennifer Aniston is set to play Debra, the issue of negative mother/ daughter relationships has resurfaced.
Indeed, Jennifer herself has her own well-documented complex relationship with her mother, former model, Nancy Dowd and has spoken in the past of her mother’s ‘critical’ and ‘unforgiving’ attitude to her, especially regarding her appearance, saying, “I did not come out the model child she’d hoped for.” Nancy also wrote a book about her daughter titled From Mother to Daughter to Friends at the height of Jennifer’s fame on Friends which led to a period of estrangement, but the pair are now reportedly reconciled.
And yet the subject of women disliking their mother or admitting to a toxic, negative or estranged relationship is still seen as a taboo in our society. Fine to throw shade on your toxic father (hello Meghan Markle) but women not being entirely onboard with the narrative ‘My mom is my bff!’ is a controversial subject usually reserved for the confidential confines of a therapist’s office. And while Jennette’s was clearly an extreme example, sharing her story is hopefully starting to pave the way for other women to come forward to speak about the challenges and legacies their own mothers have presented to them - and how they’ve coped.
Here, four women speak to Glamour about their own complex relationships with their mothers.
Natalie, 32, Leeds
I identify with the process of disentangling from a toxic mother. My mother, I’ve always felt, was a model of what not to become. Her religious beliefs hold her in a prison where she has never been able to fully explore or question the world and she’s always criticised my life choices because she simply doesn’t understand them. Living by the code of her own religious and old-fashioned parents, I was criticised for not cooking, for drinking alcohol, for having pre-marital sex, and not seeing marriage as the ultimate purpose of a woman’s existence. Even though I understand she was bred to hold these up as the standard of what a woman is, I have to put distance between us so these standards don’t rub off on me via osmosis and limit my capacity to define my own personhood as I mature or laden me with unuseful guilt. Even though I love her, I find her exhausting. I really do love her, I just need her to be far away. But I’ve always felt very judged by people when I’m frank and say that the best thing for my mood is to avoid her, because of course she sacrificed her body and her time to give birth to me. But how long must I repay that debt?
The author of ‘I’m Glad My Mom Died’ on her heartbreaking memoir.
Sarah, 41, Bristol
My mother and I don’t speak and that is the best thing for me in terms of protecting my mental health and my own interpersonal relationships. Throughout my life, she has been a narcissistic and manipulative presence both to me, my siblings and my father. It has caused a lot of pain, chaos and trauma over the years and I have had a lot of therapy to deal with it as an adult. It has contributed to my own mental health issues including disordered eating. I have deliberately pursued a career that has taken me abroad over the years, far away from her and now that I am a mother myself I have so far chosen to not include her in my child’s life, which I know is hard for her, but also she has to know it is a direct consequence of her behaviour. Of course this is a deeply sad aspect of my life and it has certainly not been easy, but I know I can honestly say that I am happier without her in it. I have always been very honest with people about my Mum and I have watched how it has made some people uncomfortable, but having no contact is the best thing for me right now.
Nadine, 39, London
I’ve spent about 10 years and many thousands of pounds in and out of therapy with many different therapists, trying to process and develop coping strategies for dealing with my mum. There are many elements of the relationship that have impacted me negatively throughout my life. But it’s complex. I love my mum very much and we do get on very well at times. But she has gone through cycles of being brutally critical and negative and shaming towards me and my life choices, eroding my self-confidence and often making me doubt myself. But whenever I’ve spoken to friends or my husband about the complexities of how cruel she has been it’s been met with consternation, as on the surface we do seem close. It’s also something I don’t talk about very often and my sister always advises me not to, because people can be so judgemental about it and don't understand it. I also feel really protective towards her because she has had to deal with a lot of abuse, neglect and challenging circumstances throughout her own life, something her siblings have started to process with therapy, but she hasn’t - and sadly won't. What I’ve learned is that compassion and kindness to her are the key to surviving. And boundaries.
A review.
Rebecca, 33, Cheshire
My mother's own difficult relationship with her mother has impacted the way she has parented me and my sister. I didn’t know my maternal grandmother until I was well into my teens. I knew she existed, she lived in my home town, but my mum and her weren’t on speaking terms during those formative years. At first it was just made clear that we were better off not knowing her, but as I’ve grown older my Mum has confided to me behaviour from her own mother that was at best controlling and at worst emotionally and verbally abusive. She also abused alcohol. While they do have a relationship now, it’s extremely fractured and complicated, for our entire family to manage. My grandmother’s nature has sent ripples of conflict and bad feeling through my entire family, unfortunately. One clear and rather incredible result coming from my mum’s experience with her own mother has meant that she is at pains to parent completely differently. Where her own mother didn’t leave her space to grow, she is adamant that my sister and I do. Where her mother shamed her, my mum comes from a place of non-judgment always. She has a policy of not calling us first and letting us communicate with her how we like, due to the fact she wasn’t given that opportunity by her own mother. It’s something I respect about her endlessly, but makes me feel equally sad that she didn’t have the same bond and respect that I feel with her everyday.
