Catfishing. It's one of the most shocking forms of inappropriate online behaviour that many have found themselves victims of since the birth of the internet and dating apps.
Since 2012, television presenter Nev Schulman has been exposing some of the most astounding cases of people misleading others online in a bid to find love on the MTV series, Catfish: The TV Show. And if you think you saw it all, Netflix recently released the documentary, Untold: The Girlfriend Who Didn't Exist, and honestly, we've lost all faith in humankind.
The film follows the journey of Manti Te'o, a rising American football star who fell victim to an elaborate catfishing hoax that got out of hand and made his life spiral out of control.
Manti thought he was in a relationship with a young LA-based woman, Lennay Kekua, who he later found out had tragically passed away on the same day as his grandmother. However, Lenny was very much alive and was, in fact, a person named Ronaiah Tuiasosopo, who has since transitioned after the catfishing scandal came to light. As well as using her original name Ronaiah, she also now uses the nickname Naya and she/her pronouns.
Sounds like a pretty good formula to us.
During the documentary, Naya attempts to explain why she catfished Manti, noting that while it was a "completely selfish" thing to do, she was "in love with being looked at in this way" as she navigated working through the confusion around her gender identity.
"The Lennay profile was not necessarily a way out but a way to something else," she said. "At that time, I knew for sure there was something inside of me that just wanted to scream out and be like, 'Why am I different?'"
"There were a couple of encounters online where it was like, 'This guy's cute. Let's see where this goes.' I knew what was right and wrong, but I was too far in love with being looked at in this way. It was completely selfish, but it was what made me happy. It was what I wanted to be a reality."
It's clear that the documentary ensured to give Naya time to reveal her side of the story. But for what reason? Are we meant to feel sorry for her? Are we meant to understand her point of view? Relate? Forgive? For me personally, that's a resounding no. Because deceiving someone to such a point that feelings, lives, and finances become involved is never okay. Preying on someone innocently searching for a significant other to confide in and ultimately enter a relationship into, for your self-absorbed reasoning is unacceptable.
And viewers whole-heartedly agreed, which was evident in their raging and heartbroken tweets shared online after watching The Girlfriend Who Didn't Exist.
"Naya/Ronaiah is heartless. You don't get to ruin someone else's life and just brush it off as a part of your journey. Manti Te'o is and was a warrior and it is HE who deserves all the happiness. #TheGirlfriendWhoDidntExist," one person wrote.
Another added: "I absolutely HATE how they allowed Naya to victimize herself and later romanticize her life now, while Manti Te'o suffers the traumas of her actions. If finding yourself required hurting an innocent person, you're still a coward to me… #TheGirlfriendWhoDidntExist."
A third wrote: "Watching Naya Tuiasosopo, the catfisher on #TheGirlfriendWhoDidntExist trying to justify what they did to Manti Te'o, is more cringeworthy that the actual plotting that went behind their sick plan. Sure, she had to discover who she was, but not to someone else's expense."
Ultimately, catfishers exist to exploit the trust of others solely for their own psychological gain. The University of Queensland in Australia proved this during a recent study on 27 catfishers. They found that catfishers were motivated to engage in deceptive actions due to social awkwardness, loneliness, dissatisfaction with their bodies, and a need to explore their gender or sexual identity, among other reasons.
So, please let The Girlfriend Who Didn't Exist be an example to everyone out there. If you are intent on finding love online, do it with pure intentions, honesty, and respect for the person you are talking to because your actions can significantly impact them.
We're bucking up for some ugly truths.
