Something happens as a woman when you near your thirties. Whilst your physical appearance may not have actually changed, people start to say variations of “you look good for your age”, “she ages like fine wine” and “I thought you were younger”. It’s always masked as a compliment, and may well be intended as one, but it is subtly insidious and layered in misogyny.
It's fair to say that women are measured against ageist beauty standards more than their male counterparts. Men are dubbed Silver Foxes whilst women are pressured to cover up their grey hairs and use botox to smooth their skin. Men don’t hear about their biological clocks, or that they’ve been ‘on the shelf’ too long. Ageism, misogyny and capitalism consumerism all intersect and create a putrid cocktail of pressure and shame for women to ingest.
It feels as though ageism is getting worse. Although, I likely only feel this way because I'm getting older. Either way, every time I go on social media, I’m reminded that thirty is now considered the age where women are past their societal sell-by date. Thirty! As in, decades away from even being middle-aged!
Why are women encouraged to delay – or better yet, reverse – visible signs of ageing at every opportunity?
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There was one particular viral tweet that sent me, and many others, into a tailspin recently. A Taylor Swift fan account put side-by-side photos of the singer on Twitter, and captioned it “she ages like wine”. It may seem harmless, but the inclusion of ‘ages’ and the comparing of photos implies that she is unique in looking youthful in her 30s. Lots of users replied, sharing in my confusing, @elle_hunt simply said “She is 33 years old.” @RachelCDailey reminded us that this has been happening in popular culture for a while, saying “Things like this remind me of when people said Kylie Minogue was brave for wearing gold hotpants and looked amazing for her age when she was 32.” @FrancesCook tweeted “Gen z so terrified of ageing that they’re shocked a 33 year old looks like a 33 year old Those moisturiser ads did a number on them eh.”
People have made similar comments about Selena Gomez. Again, the intent is complimentary but the implication is not. Take this video with 20k views on TikTok, titled ‘celebrities who aged oddly slow.’ Selena is turning 31 this year, so why are people looking back on her younger photos as if this is some strange obituary?
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It's not a bad thing to look your age. By saying celebrities like Taylor or Selena look ‘good’ for their age it reinforces that ageing is bad; when it's not. It's just life. Taylor and Selena are beautiful women, who look like their (very young) 30-ish selves. As generations inundated with marketing that told us to buy ‘anti-ageing’ products, it's no surprise millennials and Gen-Zs have a warped sense of age.
Gendered ageism is the intersectionality of age and gender bias; nearly 2 out of 3 women age 50 and older say they are regularly discriminated against, and those experiences appear to be taking a toll on their mental health, according to the latest "Mirror/Mirror" survey from AARP. It feels as though women are deemed undesirable at 30, via mainstream media and culture, and ‘too old’ to be an asset in work by 50: both unfair, and untrue, assumptions. Women and Hollywood reported that, in 2021, out of the top-grossing 100 films, only 7 featured a woman 45 years of age or older whereas 27 depicted a man in the same age bracket. This is a gender ratio of seeing 3.9 films starring older men to every 1 film starring an older woman. All 7 women were from only a single racial/ethnic group (i.e., Caucasian). They found that “Not one woman of colour 45 years of age or older was depicted driving the storyline.”
Saying a woman “looks good for her age” may seem positive, and picky to call it out - but it all contributes to a system where women are valued only by their looks. So often, the compliments women are given are backhanded (you look great, have you lost weight?) and tied to beauty ideals. These qualifiers are not necessary. Instead of saying ‘you look good for your age’, just say ‘you look good’.
