This article references baby loss.
If you’ve experienced pregnancy or baby loss, days such as Mother’s Day can be particularly tough. While the day sets out to celebrate mothers in all forms, it can be a difficult time for bereaved parents.
“We know from bereaved families that have experienced baby loss, days like Mother’s Day can be full of mixed emotions,” Rowena Pailing, head of bereavement support at stillbirth and neonatal death charity Sands, says.
“The run-up can be worrying for mothers, fathers and relatives who have experienced the death of a baby and may need help to express how they feel and what they need. Whether you miss your baby or the role you would have in his or her life, you are still a mum.”
“The greatest comfort is knowing you’re not alone.”
While Mother’s Day can be a day full of grief for those who have suffered loss, it’s important to let yourself feel that grief and to surround yourself with people who care about you.
Sands has several suggestions to help cope on Mother’s Day, including taking it one hour at a time.
The charity's website advises, “The anticipation of a big day can worry you, but you may find that small things can get you through the day itself.”
It also suggests doing something to help you feel connected with your baby.
“You are still a mother and your bond with your child, whether they are here or not, is something to be proud of,” Sands says.
“You may want to talk about your baby or babies and say their name(s). We have created some template social media graphics that you can download and personalise.”
It also advises to call someone to talk to them if you’re feeling sad, to go for a walk in nature, write down how you feel in a journal, and to read or listen to poems and music.
If a friend or family member has lost their child, it can be hard to know what to say or do to help, but Sands says that even the simplest of actions can be a thoughtful way to show your friend you’re there.
One of the best ways to show that you are there for them is to send them a card with a sweet message inside. Alternatively, you can let them know in advance that you will be around to chat on the day if they need or, if they are feeling up to it, you can plan something special to do with them on the day such as take them out to afternoon tea or plan a spa trip together.
Here's a list (via the Sands website) of ways you can support a mother affected by baby loss on Mother's Day.
- Say something (anything!) rather than nothing.
- Acknowledge their baby.
- Say their baby's name.
- A really simple message such as 'I'm thinking of you and... today).
- Ash them how they are.
- Reassure that it's ok to feel how they are feeling.
- Encourage them to take things at their own pace, one step at a time.
- Encourage them to do what is best for them.
- Offer to do an activity together – a walk or coffee – if they would like to.
- Be yourself and be genuine in whatever you say, and if you think you've said something unhelpful, just apologise and say something like 'I'm really sorry and I think I might be getting this wrong, but I'd just like to let you know that I am here for you.'
If you would like to talk to someone about your baby loss, you can call the Sands helpline on 0808 164 3332. Click here for more ways of receiving support.
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