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No matter how much we're into single empowerment, sometimes, dating as a singleton sucks — swiping though a sea of increasingly problematic potential partners, staring blankly into the eyes of a tech bro at a bar counting down the minutes before you can make a polite exit, spending Friday night alone, while all of your friends seem to be out with their longterm partners.
Unsurprisingly, some women have had enough of it all. Introducing “masterdating.”
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What is masterdating, anyway?
Masterdating is the latest trend to sweep TikTok's dating scene. A play on the words dating and — well — masturbating, the term refers to, you guessed it, going solo — in the dating field, that is!
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We spoke to dating expert Melissa Stone about the phenomenon. “‘Masterdating’ is a term used to refer to the practice of spending quality time alone, engaging in self-care, and enjoying one's own company," she tells us. "It might involve intentionally taking yourself out on dates, doing activities you enjoy, exploring new places, or simply dedicating time to self-reflection and personal growth.”
From how to do it to knowing when you're doing it too much.
Why it can be good to take yourself on a solo date from time to time
Like masturbation — which can be very good for you, but that's a story for another time — masterdating is a premise that revolves around giving yourself all of the attention and love that a partner would give you — but rather than being sexual, it's simply the attention you'd get on an ideal date.
What's great about masterdating in comparison to regular dating is that you are in control. You get to pick the restaurant, the food, the movie, the curfew — everything. Which can be pretty great. After all, you probably think you have great taste!
“Taking yourself on a solo date from time to time can have several benefits for your overall well-being and personal growth," says Stone. A few include:
- Self-discovery: Spending time alone allows you to connect with yourself on a deeper level. It gives you the opportunity to explore your interests, passions, and desires without external influences. This self-discovery can lead to a better understanding of who you are and what brings you joy.
- Independence: Taking yourself on a solo date fosters a sense of independence and self-reliance. It helps you become comfortable with your own company and reduces any need for validation or comfort from other people for your happiness.
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- Empowerment: Engaging in activities alone can boost your confidence and sense of empowerment. Accomplishing tasks or enjoying experiences independently can enhance your self-esteem and belief in your capabilities.
- Reduced stress: Solo dates can provide a break from the demands of social interactions and obligations as it allows you to recharge and reduce stress by focusing solely on things that bring you joy and relaxation.
- Freedom and flexibility: When you're on a solo date, you have the freedom to make choices solely based on your preferences and desires. This flexibility can lead to a sense of liberation and enjoyment.”
Any downsides?
Unfortunately, few TikTok trends are perfect, and masterdating is no different. According to Stone, there are a few potential downsides to dating yourself.
“Potential downsides include feelings of loneliness, limited perspective, and missing out on shared experiences," she warns. "Therefore I would suggest that alongside solo dates, it's important to make the effort to see and spend time with family and friends as striking a balance between solo time and social interactions is crucial to avoid potential drawbacks and ensure a well-rounded and fulfilling lifestyle.”
“The modern dating scene is a scary place for heterosexual women.”
In other words, if you find yourself settling into a habit of masterdating instead of all forms of socialising, it may be time to bring some balance back into your life. If that doesn't mean dating, it might mean having a coffee with a friend or checking in with your family.
Planning the perfect solo date
Sick and tired of crappy dates? We can bet you'll be the perfect dating partner. If you want to give masterdating a try, make sure you tailor the experience around your interests and take yourself out somewhere special to ensure the solo date jolts you out of your every day routine.
Stone suggests:
- Identify your interests: Start by reflecting on your hobbies, interests, and activities that bring you joy. Consider whether you want a relaxing day, an adventurous outing, or a creative pursuit and plan these into your diary.
- Location and setting: Decide whether you want to stay at home, explore your local area, or travel to a nearby destination. Try to think about the ambiance you prefer, whether it's a serene park, a busy café, a cosy corner at home, or a scenic spot.
- Plan ahead: Research the details of your chosen activity or location and check opening hours, availability, and any necessary reservations to feel prepared for your day. Having a clear plan will help you make the most of your time.
- Disconnect: Consider disconnecting from digital devices or at least minimising their use during your solo date. This allows you to be fully present and immersed in the experience.
- Celebrate accomplishments: Acknowledge your efforts in planning and executing the solo date and make sure to treat yourself with kindness and celebrate the fact that you took time for self-care and personal growth.
- Repeat regularly: Make solo dates a recurring practice by setting aside time at regular intervals to continue exploring new activities, nurturing your interests, and connecting with yourself.”
Overall, we absolutely love this new trend — after all, what could be more empowering than letting go of the idea that an exciting day or night out has to involve a potential romantic partner. Sometimes, you can be enough for one of the best dates of your life.
