As Love Island returns to our screens for its second All Stars series, we can't help but notice the ex-related drama ramping up already.
First, we saw Love Island exes Gabby and Marcel navigate being around each other on the series after splitting back in 2018 – with Gabby unable to keep schtum about Marcel's cheating behaviour. Even more ex-related gossip began, though, when Luca Bish threw shade at his Islander ex Gemma Owen. Fans cringed when he described the duration of his relationship with Gemma as “a few months… too long” during his opening VT before entering the villa. The couple split shortly after the 2022 series ended after three months together.
Luca even joked he'd do a runner if he came into contact with Gemma on the show. He said: “I'd probably say ‘I’m a Love Islander, get me out of here!'” He did caveat, however, that he wouldn't stand in the way of her finding true love on the show again.
The pair are set to reunite in tonight's Love Island premiere.
Fans quickly took to social media to voice their surprise at Luca's “salty” comments, but he wasn't the only contestant voicing criticism towards an ex. India Reynolds was open about how “blind-sided” she'd felt by ex Ovie Sovo's management when it came to their split, alleging that they announced it before she was aware that the break up was happening – while Curtis Pritchard spoke out about ex Maura Higgins “blanking” him at public events.
A certain amount of this drama comes down to the extremely public and online nature of many Love Island relationships. You could argue that image is key, so it's in the contestants' interest to set the story straight, or in their favour at least, very early on in the series. But this impulse and tendency to trash an ex does beg the question, is it OK to do this – in or out of the spotlight?
First of all, there's a definite double-edged sword when it comes to reality TV stars, or anyone in the public eye, talking about their relationship breakdowns or negative feelings about an ex. According to relationship therapist and sexologist Madalaine Munro, while it may help fans to feel like they can relate to these kinds of problems, breaking certain boundaries can lead into toxic territory.
“When public figures open up about their breakups, it can make them more relatable, showing that they experience heartache and challenges just like anyone else,” she explains. "Sharing these stories can offer comfort to others, helping people to feel less alone in their own experiences. However, there’s a delicate line between sharing openly about personal challenges and doing so in a way that shifts blame, lacks accountability and may even be disrespectful to previous partners."
Whether you've got a huge online following or not, the temptation to trash your ex is undeniably a key part of human nature, though, according to Madalaine. She explains that it can serve as a way to process post-breakup emotions such as hurt, resentment and anger. “For many people, verbalising these feelings helps make sense of the breakup, offering a semblance of closure,” she explains. “This process can be beneficial when paired with self-reflection and accountability, acknowledging one’s role in the relationship's dynamics and the lessons learned.”
It can also help us feel like we're in control. After all, breakups can make us feel like we're not in control of anything, least of all our feelings. “Criticising an ex can restore a false sense of control, offering a way to reassert power in a situation that may have felt disempowering,” Madalaine says. "It creates a narrative where we emerge as the wronged party, reinforcing our sense of moral superiority. This can activate the brain’s reward system, providing a temporary ego boost as we position ourselves as the more reasonable or capable partner.
“However, this false sense of control can be detrimental, and instead, processing our feelings in a healthy way, and understanding our learnings from the relationship is actually the only way to fully step back into our power.”
So while the temptation to do so is pretty understandable, there are numerous reasons why criticising your ex publicly could be harmful to yourself and others – firstly because according to Madalaine it can “can trap us in a cycle of bitterness and resentment” instead of reflecting on the shared reality of the situation. “When we focus solely on our ex’s faults, we miss the opportunity to reflect on our own growth and what we needed to be different in the relationship,” she explains.
“This lack of self-reflection can be disempowering, as it keeps us stuck in the past instead of moving forward with clarity and understanding.” She adds that carrying this negative energy forward could carry over into future relationships, “creating trust challenges and making it harder to open up to new partners”.
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“If we haven't fully processed the previous relationship, it can make it more difficult to build healthy, trusting connections,” Madalaine explains. “Furthermore, potential partners might feel uneasy or unsafe if they sense that we’re still harbouring unresolved feelings or are quick to criticise past partners.” She recommends processing your post-breakup emotions privately first, with loved ones and if necessary a professional, before speaking out to others, as well as setting clear boundaries about what you do and don't want to discuss and considering the impact of your words on others – your ex, mutual friends and future partners.
However, there are ways in which speaking out against an ex can empower you and others. Madalaine recommends doing so sensitively – if it can support others who may have encountered similar issues to you and in cases of power imbalances and abuse. In both cases, it can be helpful to seek solidarity in any way that you can, if you feel able.
So whatever your experience – whether you're gorging off reality TV stars' post-break up rants or indulging in a public moan fest about your ex, it's important to question the ways in which it might be disempowering you and others, and whether it could be holding you back from ultimate closure. And not to mention, a healthy and happy future relationship.
If you have left an abusive relationship and are in need of support, you can access help via the The Freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge on 0808 2000 247.
