Dear 20-year-old Charley,
Hey girl. How’s it going? (Almost) 30-year-old you here. As my 20s end and our 30th birthday at the end of the month approaches, I’ve found myself thinking of you more and more. Of your near-obnoxious levels of confidence. Of your ability to withstand hangovers. Of your fearlessness when it comes to travel, romance, career plans.
But most of all, of how you have absolutely no idea of the sweet madness that’s to come over the next decade.
Let me be clear. There will be highs. There will be unbelievable lows. There will be times where you’ll have no idea where life is going to take you, as it certainly won’t look or feel the way you imagined.
Here are some things I’d like you to remember, as you enter the chaos that will be your 20s.
When was the last time you saw a plus-size avatar? Exactly.
Don’t rush towards career success, take your time.
You will feel like there’s no time to waste when it comes to achieving your dreams – but actually, the fact that it won’t all come easy will only refine your focus and drive. So much will be out of your control – you’ll tussle with endless rival job applicants, you’ll meet crippling and unfair financial obstacles – and it will feel like the job and work that you felt you were born to do will forever be out of your reach.
When you feel like this, breathe in, and then breathe out. And believe that your hard work will pay off. It will take longer than you thought, and look differently to how you imagined. But you will get there.
In the meantime, don’t forget to enjoy yourself – and definitely don’t let an obsession with success take you too far away from the people and other parts of your life that you love.
Love your body, even – and especially – as it begins to change.
This is a difficult one. You may think that you have a fairly good relationship with your body, but this will be tested when it begins to change before your very eyes. Your late 20s will introduce you to stretch marks, grey hairs and, even worse, chin hairs. Unconditional love, respect and acceptance for your body will become more and more important for you to maintain.
You will realise that you’ve internalised WAY more patriarchal body image expectations than you thought. But don’t beat yourself up too much. Try to practice a little bit of self acceptance every day, because your body is the single best miracle you will ever behold, no matter what it may look like and BECAUSE it doesn’t look like an airbrushed supermodel’s. It looks like you.
Value your friendships, no matter how long they last.
Right now, you’re wrapped so tightly in the bosom of your university relationships, it feels like anything that intense and integral to your everyday life will last forever. The cheap pints, the all-night talks, the bonding over desperate exam prep and doomed love affairs.
But that won’t always be the case. As you navigate your 20s, you will find and rediscover your most precious friendships when and where you least expect them – a doomed internship, a post-break up night out, a rather volatile house party.
It's important to not judge any friendship by its longevity, or where you find it, but the beauty and fun that each brings to your life at any one time.
Friendships through your 20s will be fleeting, others will be much more constant. But each one will have unique value, and will help to construct the person you are by the end of that decade. So don’t underestimate any of them.
Don’t bother looking for love.
Not because it’s not worth it, or one of the best things you’ll ever do, because it is. Every single time. Whether it lasts a few years, a few months, or a few fleeting moments before you realise the person in question is actually a complete reprobate.
The reason I say don’t bother looking for it is that love will always find you. You can’t force it, or summon it into being. All you’ve got to do is remain open – and brave enough to let it in.
And finally, that bottle of Jägermeister that you’ve just been given to see in your 20s? It’s going to have you vomiting in the kitchen sink by the end of the night. Enjoy.
Love, 30-year-old you x
