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<p class="BasicParagraph">Think sex, think genitals. But new
research has located the source of sexual pleasure - and
frustration - about three feet higher, in our minds. "Throughout
the day we continually train our minds to be in multiple places at
once. But sex requires full brain-body communication. Distractions
from the room, or within oneself, pull our attention away - and if
the mind is elsewhere, response is hampered," says psychologist Dr
Lori Brotto, who runs the UBC Sexual Health Laboratory, studying
the mind's impact on arousal. Her findings? It is possible to keep
your brain and bits orgasmically aligned.
Bedroom yoga
<p class="BasicParagraph">Wondering what yoga and sex have in
common, besides bendy legwork? Well, like reaching Dancer Pose,
reaching orgasm is easier when you're 100% present-moment focused -
aka being mindful. In a study of women seeking treatment for low
desire, Dr Brotto found just four sessions of mindfulness
meditation improved arousal, because it stops mid-act
self-judgement. "When a person focuses attention on the sensations
unfolding in the moment, they don't evaluate them, overthink them
or worry about them," she adds. How to do it? The most basic method
is to follow your breath (in, out, in), or ask yourself, 'What do I
feel?' "Root your focus in physical sensations: your partner's
breathing, the sounds of bodies moving."
Lose the task mentality
<p class="BasicParagraph">No matter what great things are happening
down below, eroticism can get trumped by urgency: Am I close? Will
it happen? "Setting up orgasm as a goal is
a sure way to make certain you don't have one," says Dr Vivienne
Cass, author of The Elusive Orgasm. "The minute you start tensing
yourself to work at it, you'll be distracted. The closer you get,
the stronger the anxiety and the more likely you are to switch off
sexual feelings." If you catch yourself on the Impatience Express,
Dr Cass recommends repeating, 'It's good for me to simply enjoy
what's happening', to stop other thoughts. If 'must' or 'have to'
enter your internal dialogue, question, 'Is there real pressure on
me to orgasm - or is it imagined?' Lifting that weight could get
you there.
Become your own narrator
<p class="BasicParagraph">Sometimes the solution to a wandering
mind isn't reining it in, but letting it run wild. "Fantasy isn't
mindfulness, but it can keep your mind 'on topic'. It's about
moving your mind to another place - an image, memory or story - and
it can boost sexual response," says Dr Brotto. Narrate what your
partner's doing to you - the more you flesh out the fantasy, the
more you immerse yourself in it.
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