This article references domestic abuse and suicide.
The UK has one of the highest rates of homelessness in the world, with record numbers of people rough sleeping or living in temporary housing. Even still, these figures often underestimate the actual number of women experiencing homelessness.
Homeless women who flee abusive households often go to extraordinary efforts to keep themselves hidden, both from their abusers and from the risk of harassment and sexual violence by other members of the public. But this often keeps them hidden from support services, too.
GLAMOUR has partnered with the Marylebone Project, the largest and longest-running women's homelessness centre in London, to bring you empowering stories from real-life women. Here, we speak to Leila, who experienced homelessness after leaving an abusive partner. This is her story…
With three Master's degrees, an exceptional career in HR, and a happy life, Leila never expected to find herself sleeping rough on the streets of London. She moved to England to be with her partner, who had convinced her they could make a life together in the capital.
The relationship became abusive. “He started to control me and was using drugs, which made it even worse. I was isolated for nearly four years,” says Leila. When she left the relationship, she lost everything – including her home.
“I thought life would continue as I escaped from him. It took me a couple of days to realise, no, now I'm homeless, I have nothing.”
Leila slept rough for a few days before being allocated a bed in emergency housing by her local council, who initially believed they did not have a duty of care to house her – despite the fact she was fleeing an abusive relationship. In England, women who are fleeing domestic abuse have a 'priority need' for housing assistance.
During this time, Leila's safety was constantly under threat. “As soon as it's midnight, homeless men will try to get something out of you. Or men who come and pretend they're homeless, they want to take you away somewhere…” She adds, “You learn very quickly that you are not safe.”
Leila is transgender, which further shaped her experiences of harassment and abuse as a homeless woman. “If you're a [cisgender] woman, men come and try it on with you. But then they may just give up. Being a trans woman, they come, they make demands, and they don't go. It becomes a scene, and then it becomes a hate crime.”
Flexible working has been a lifeline for working mums, disabled women, and those with caring responsibilities.
For Leila, the anxiety was constant. “You can't actually sleep during the night because you're always scared you need to hide. For the first time in my life, I felt suicidal. I realised there was no help – just rejection.”
Leila avoided “looking homeless” at all costs. “Homeless women don't have the luxury of looking homeless because if they do, men will feel she's more vulnerable,” she explains. “Homeless women will invest in clothing to look normal. That's what I did.”
But in hiding from predatory men, Leila also became less visible to support services. “This is where the system fails,” she says, recalling a time she was sheltering at a train station where outreach/support services would do regular checks. “The support team talked with the homeless men, but they missed me and the other homeless women because they assumed we were passengers. Because I had never experienced homelessness before, I didn't know what they were doing. Now I understand what was going on. They were giving the men a CHAIN number, which if you're a rough sleeper, can be life-changing.”
A CHAIN number adds homeless people to a multi-agency database, which enables relevant services to coordinate support.“I didn't get a CHAIN number,” says Leila. "The women next to me didn't get any CHAIN numbers because we were dressed normal… we tried to look normal to protect ourselves. And the outreach team just didn't talk with us.
You're not alone, and support is available.
It's hardly surprising that Leila considered returning to her abusive ex-partner. “It was bad with him, but at least I knew what to expect. But when I was rough sleeping, it was a surprise. Every night we had different issues, different arguments, and I just didn't know how to deal with it.”
“If organisations or councils try to find excuses not to help homeless women,” Leila continues, “It results in these women going back to their abusive partners.”
After Leila's local authority realised their mistake, she was housed in a women's safe house before coming to the Marylebone Project. “That's where I really started my recovery,” Leila says. “They are very knowledgeable about women's homelessness, the traumas, the risks and about mental health.”
At the Marylebone Project, Leila steadily grew in confidence. “They knew that I had previously worked in talent acquisition,” she explains, “So when they were recruiting, they made sure I was sitting in on the interviews, which was such an amazing thing for my confidence.”
Leila now provides expert insight for councils and service providers on supporting homeless women. “My passion is women's homelessness because it's very overlooked – even within the industry of homelessness and charities. Women cannot just sit in the streets. Even if they rough sleep, they hide somewhere. They're in the garage or the toilets, they're not like men. So people don't see them, and they forget about them.”
The Marylebone Project, on the other hand? “They know how to actually empower women.”
You can find more information about the Marylebone Project at www.maryleboneproject.org.uk. To make a donation, click here.
For more information about emotional abuse and domestic abuse, you can call The Freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge on 0808 2000 247.
Refuge’s National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247, available 24 hours a day 7 days a week for free, confidential specialist support. Or visit www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk to fill in a webform and request a safe time to be contacted or to access live chat (live chat available 3pm-10pm, Monday to Friday). For support with tech abuse visit refugetechsafety.org.
For more from Glamour UK's Lucy Morgan, follow her on Instagram @lucyalexxandra.
