“You’re going to Glastonbury sober?!,” is an incredulous question I was asked more times than I can count over the six months before 2023's festival, along with “How will you cope?,” and “Are you sure you don’t want to experiment with some drugs?,” (despite the fact I’ve never been into them).
After giving up alcohol in 2021, I’ve done day festivals, weddings, birthdays and more nights out than I can count. But could I survive five days at Glastonbury, a festival that’s as famous for its levels of excess and alcohol and drug consumption as it is for its music, a festival that is literally known as “the biggest party in the world”.
I knew it would be different to my previous experiences. The last time I set foot on Worthy Farm was eight years ago. Kanye was headlining and yet to be cancelled, I was 27, a full-time journalist, and not yet aware that my inability to know when to stop saying “one more for the road,” would become a problem.
On day one myself and my best friend from University, a man who ironically (or maybe not) would go on to be one of my first friends to give up alcohol, lugged 12 heavy bottles of Prosecco and two litres of gin over the undulating ground - and those were just our pre drinks!
I couldn’t tell you what kind of time we had other than to say that photographic evidence suggests we saw many, many, garage sets and spent an inordinate amount of time trying to pose in front of the sunset.
An easy way to reduce alcohol consumption.
By day three I had the type of hangover where walking is impossible, everything spins and you feel like death might be preferable to the ever increasing pain in your head. I was so hungover, in fact, that as I lay on the grass, just 100m from my tent, strangers stopped to ask if I was ok.
So how did I fare sober? Well, if I’m totally honest, it was hit and miss. What I quickly realised is that being sober heightens everything in an environment like that. The incredible moments will feel wildly emotional; think uncontrollable weeping as Elton John belted out his final UK performance of Rocket Man, or being unable to wipe a smile off my face at Lana Del Rey’s shambolically started but iconically finished performance.
But I had to learn to adapt my levels of understanding and patience fairly quickly. In my day-to-day life drunk people, or people on drugs, can be annoying as time wears on, but, at Glastonbury, I had to learn to laugh at the maddest moments or I might have gone mad myself.
Like when I was woken up at 4AM by a loud voice booming over a megaphone as a man was giving Gary Lineker a run for his money by commentating on people going to the toilet. “Man in the green shirt, enjoy that poo,” he shouted, “Off for a number one are we lady in the red trousers?.”
Or the man in the tent next to me who couldn’t stop heckling his poor friends who evidently couldn’t stop shagging, “I can hear you again!,” he’d call out uncontrollably giggling, “No you can’t, take your Valium,” was the reply. For the record, I, thankfully, heard nothing.
There were many bonuses, like being awake enough to take a shower each morning while everyone else was on the baby wipe train. And I even made a sober friend in the queue (of course two sober people would be by being the first ones up at a festival) who told me there are a whole community of sober Glastonbury goers who all support each other through a WhatsApp group.
According to psychologists, alcohol can affect people in entirely different ways.
But I’d be lying if I said there weren’t downsides. Whereas the previous two times I’ve been to Glastonbury I’ve skipped off to ShangriLa with wild abandon, late night partying felt harder when other people’s drugs started to kick in and conversations became limited. But I wouldn’t have wanted to join them, nor did I judge them. It served more as a reminder that my life is different now and I’m ok with that.
I gave up alcohol because it made me unhappy, anxious and, as I moved into my mid thirties, from the beer fear, to the crippling hangovers, it wasn’t serving me anymore. I feel lucky to say that for the most part it’s been not only easy, but the best decision I’ve ever made for myself and my mental health.
If you’re reading this article because you’re sober too and you’ve Googled - as I used to - to see whether you can experience something like Glastonbury without booze here’s what I would suggest...
Pick your group wisely, just one sober friend (or even someone vaguely moderate) will make your weekend. Don’t be afraid to go off on your own - being around people who are drunk and high for five days can feel intense and you need to make sure you look after yourself. I ate one meal a day alone which gave me chance to have a walk around, recharge and gather my thoughts and then come back to my friends feeling refreshed.
The musician turned actor talks sobriety, social media and settling down with her Stranger Things husband, David Harbour.
Also, this was a tough one when the FOMO kicked in, but it’s best to accept your limitations, some crowds are going to be aggy and druggy - do yourself a favour and avoid them, unless you think it’s something you can handle.
Overall though, for me at least, at the end of the day, being drunk or being sober, it doesn’t really make a difference for something as amazing as Glastonbury. There’s endless entertainment, visual stimulation, and, when the music is good and the sun is shining, nothing else matters - as long as you don’t think to much about the long drops. Dear God, the long drops.
