Certain friendship red flags are universally understood. Most of us can quickly point to the flaky one, the perpetually late one, or the one-upper in our lives. Now there’s a new type of red flag making the rounds: The one who asks extremely simple questions they could easily google—otherwise known as the finger princess.
It sounds niche upon first listen, but we’re willing to bet someone in your life already came to mind: Instead of scrolling up a couple of messages in the group chat, they’ll repeatedly say, “Wait, what time is the party? Where is it?” Or they expect you to explain how long they should microwave a bag of popcorn instead of taking two minutes to look it up. Essentially, they are the person who won’t lift a finger—hence the name, which originated in Korea and is a direct translation of ping-peu.
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“On the surface, the requests are small,” says clinical Christie Ferrari. The problem, though, is “it subtly places one person in the role of the emotional labor provider”—the one doing the googling, the reminding, the explaining, the repeating…despite everyone having access to the same information.
Sometimes, “these kinds of friends don’t intentionally behave in a way that’s meant to be annoying,” says Suzanne Degges-White, PhD, LCPC, chair of the department of counselling and higher education at Northern Illinois University College of Education. They might simply be forgetful, pressed for time, or genuinely curious. When these reflexive questions become a more consistent pattern, however, experts say it can signal something deeper, like entitlement. “They’re used to others doing things for them,” Dr. Ferrari explains. “It’s a learned habit where asking is easier than engaging in their own problem-solving, especially if others always step in.”
To see if your friend fits into the “finger princess” persona, ask yourself a few questions:
- Are they doing this repeatedly, or just occasionally? Scroll back through your texts or pay attention to how often it comes up when you’re together. It’s one thing if it happens once in a blue moon (in which case, cut them some slack, Dr. Degges-White says). But if you’re noticing that they’re almost automatically responding with “Who’s this?” “When’s that?” “Where’s this?,” that’s when it becomes a pattern.
- Could they have found the answer themselves in a few seconds? We’re not talking obscure political facts or tricky tax situations. We’re talking about the stuff that takes two seconds to look up—like which restaurant the group agreed on for Friday night dinner or when the local coffee shop closes.
- Do they make any effort before asking you? A friend who’s seeking help might say something like, “I tried looking this up, and I couldn’t find it.” “Essentially, they’re telling you they’ve already thought it through, but they’re stuck,” Dr. Ferrari says, which is more likely to be an indication of genuine need and curiosity rather than laziness or entitlement.
In the grand scheme of friendship red flags, a “finger princess” ranks relatively low on the list. Still, over time, even harmlessly annoying behaviours can breed resentment in a friendship. “It can feel petty to address, which is why instead of naming it, people may cope by quietly pulling back or emotionally disengaging,” Dr. Ferrari says.
Luckily, addressing it doesn’t have to be awkward: A polite, assertive approach works just fine, like:
- “I’m not sure. Where have you tried looking for it?”
- “I don’t know, but it should be easy to find.”
- “Can you actually look into that for me and let me know what you find?”
Beyond calling them out, you can also try not answering them right away, and subtly forcing them to figure it out themselves. Or, if you’re feeling cheeky, ask if they’ve ever heard of the term “finger princess”—maybe even send them this article. It’s a playful PSA about an all-too-familiar pet peeve…and a gentle wake-up call to do a quick search before asking next time.
This article originally appeared on Self.
