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Wouldn't it be just dandy if you never had to pay the rent, mortgage, council taxi or utility bills? For some women, that's a reality. In fact, some think the idea of paying rent is so absurd, they’ve turned it into a TikTok prank. It goes something like this: a woman approaches her male partner and says, “I can’t make the rent this month.” He looks at her in confusion and says something like, “You’ve never paid rent!”, to a joint chorus of laughter.
There are countless videos that follow this formula; so many, it’s starting to look like a lot of young heterosexual couples really are choosing to organise their finances with the male partner paying the larger portion – or, in some cases, the entirety – of the household expenses.
For many, this imbalanced set-up may feel regressive. Isn’t feminism about equality? About breaking out of the housewife mould? About seeing the men in our lives as equal partners rather than as de facto providers? Although some women on TikTok may be moving away from this line of thinking, many still see a clear-cut 50/50 split as the only truly equal solution.
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“We have always split everything 50/50 even when I was on maternity leave,” says Emma Holgate-Lowe, 35, Manchester. “My house is half mine. There will never be a question about that. My money is my money, my husband’s is his. We have always been 50/50, and our salaries have fluctuated and changed for both of us, but it keeps it simple and fair. We have never argued about money in ten years.”
Megan, 35, Leyton, has a similar set-up. “I have a few friends who are adamant that the man should carry the financial weight and responsibility, whereas I find this absolutely insane,” she says. “We as women can stand on our own two feet, and there is no need for our male partners to pay more than we do. How is this progressive? It gives me the vibe of a ‘damsel in distress’ needing the man to save the day – I find it totally backwards.”
These attitudes are common amongst forward-thinking feminists – which is why the TikTok trend initially seems so regressive. “On the face of it, this trend seems to be regressive indeed,” says Amrita Dhillon, a professor of economics at King’s College London, who links the latest TikTok prank to the rise of the ‘tradwife’ movement that sees women embracing a traditional housewife role, while their husbands take on the role of provider. This latest trend, however, “seems different from the ‘tradwife’ trend in its motivations,” she says. “It is less a conservative movement and more of women declaring their frustration with the current set-up.”
After all, a 50/50 split may feel equal, but there are countless factors that mean it’s still a bigger burden for the woman.
As one TikToker explained, she used to split everything 50/50 with her partner – until their mortgage went up. Now, her husband pays for the entire thing. “That just works for us,” she said. “Because he’s a higher earner than me… generally… he might pay a little more.” She added, “I do feel like once you’re married… it’s all combined really.” She then asked her followers to tell her how they split their bills.
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“100/0 lol, I birthed our child I don’t pay a bill,” one person replied.
Another wrote, “50/50 is flat mates only.”
A third added, “As long as your partner does 50/50 with housework and the mental load I think it’s fine, if he’s having to be told to do stuff around the house then 50/50 isn’t fair.”
The general consensus? A 50/50 split in bills may not be as “equal” as we once thought. These days, many couples instead choose to split their bills based on earnings, with the higher earner contributing a little more depending on how much more they earn.
Of course, this goes against some traditional (perhaps simplistic) feminist ideals that we've inherited from previous generations. A quick trip back through the history of feminism's understanding of domestic equality: “While there are different waves of feminism, the history of feminist thought has been united by the cause of putting women on an equal footing with men in society, starting with the suffragette movement and moving on in recent times to gender wage gaps, employment discrimination, and generally women’s empowerment,” explains Dhillon.
Second wave feminism in the ‘60s through to the ‘80s saw many women fighting for the right to equal opportunities to work. By the ‘90s, women were hoping to be on equal footing with men in the workplace while also often raising families. The idea of “having it all” and “doing it all” became the ideal.
But while women have found a certain financial freedom through the workplace, at home, gender roles haven’t always kept up with the march of feminist progress.
“I believe the current trend can be seen as a response to the results of the pressure on women to conform to the norm of household care work while at the same time subscribing to the newer norm of equality in financial responsibility for the household,” Dhillon explains. In other words, women are rethinking the idea that paying equal amounts is the only feminist solution.
After all, in many heterosexual couples, women still end up taking on the vast majority of the domestic work, known as unpaid labour – roughly 60% of the load. Should the man “pay” for that labour with his own money? Apparently, some women think he should.
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“The childbearing imperative imposes a larger burden on women, given all the gender norms in society, so true equality might be seen as consistent with men contributing more to ‘compensate,’” Dhillon says.
Then there’s the question of the gender pay gap. Yes, it may be commonplace for women to work full-time jobs – but studies have shown that women still don’t earn as much as their male counterparts. Women in the UK are paid 14.1% less than men for working a full-time position – effectively, they work for free after early November. In other words, in order to earn the same as men, women have to work longer and harder.
When you lay it out in these terms, the trend of asking a male partner to contribute more to the bills or rent kind of makes sense in feminist terms – in fact, it almost feels “fair”. It may even feel like true equality – even though the actual numbers may not match.
According to Dhillon, this is why the TikTok trend isn’t necessarily the sign of regression in the feminist movement it appears to be, but rather, a reminder that we still haven’t found a workable balance in many heterosexual relationships.
“I see the trend as a transitional ‘backlash’ by women to the long hours of work that they put in together with the persistent norm of women being the carers at home,” she says. “[Many] women are insisting on either working and giving up children and other caring responsibilities or not working at all and letting men be the providers.”
Perhaps the best solution lies somewhere in the middle; a flexible 50/50 split with room for logical exceptions. Emma, for instance, thinks it’s fair for her husband to cover slightly more of their childcare costs. “I look after my children two days a week (they aren’t in nursery) so my husband covers a percentage more of childcare when there are additional nursery charges,” she says.
Megan can also see how certain couples might want to stray a little from the strict 50/50 split. “The partner earning the most (perhaps if it’s significantly more) could potentially contribute more than the lower earner, but this shouldn’t be a female/male thing,” she says. Of course, there are cases when it might make sense for the female partner to contribute more. After all, some women do earn more than their male partners and may take on less housework.
In other words, if a woman is asking a man to pay for the rent simply because he is a man and that’s what they think men should do, we may be dealing with some regressive gender politics. But that doesn’t mean it’s always a regressive set-up. Ultimately, it really does depend on the individual couple.
