These days, we’re starting to expect a lot more from our partners, whether that’s the full “Princess Treatment,” covering every meal, or picking up your latest Sephora haul. But should our expectations extend beyond the financial? Is chivalry evolving past pulling out your chair to, say, fighting battles on our behalf?
In other words, should your partner ever get involved in your friendship drama?
When celebrity mum feuds hit the internet, suddenly everyone wanted a piece of the action –including one famous mama’s husband. It’s a little like The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, where DadTok stepped into the middle of arguments—awkward, and maybe a little cringe.
So, is swooping in the ultimate act of chivalry, or does it cross the line into domineering and intrusive? Let’s unpack this.
Ashley Tisdale called out her ‘Toxic Mom Group’
This saga begins where so many internet dramas do: with a tell-all article in The Cut. This time, it was Sharpay Evans — sorry, Ashley Tisdale — who opened up in an essay titled “Breaking Up With My Toxic Mom Group.”
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The 40-year-old had previously praised the benefits of having support from a “village of moms” after the birth of her first daughter in 2021. But according to Tisdale, the group — which reportedly includes several other celebrities — gradually reminded her of high school cliques, leaving her feeling “frozen out” at a vulnerable time.
She explained that some mothers had started socialising without her, and she noticed a “growing distance” even at events they attended together. Honestly, who can’t relate? And clearly, she wasn’t alone, as several other mums penned similar essays discussing how toxic these environments can become.
But this isn’t about dissecting the essay itself (though, seriously, go read it). It’s about the aftermath.
Tisdale discouraged readers from guessing who she was talking about, adding: “Whatever you think is true isn’t even close.” Naturally, the internet ignored that, scouring group photos and pointing fingers at Meghan Trainor, Mandy Moore, and Hilary Duff. Tisdale’s reps quickly clarified that the essay was not about any of them.
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Trainor took it in stride with a jokey TikTok, Moore celebrated her mum friends, and Duff stayed silent. The one who did speak up? Duff’s husband, Matthew Koma.
After the article went viral, Koma mocked it by photoshopping his own headline about the“most self-obsessed, tone-deaf person on earth,” and mimicking Tisdale’s pose in the photo. Yikes.
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A Glee star called it “loser” behaviour
I’m not the only one grossed out by this, as Glee star Becca Tobin replied “ew” to Koma’s post. But that wasn’t enough for her. On her podcast, LadyGang, she went further.
“Now let me tell you, I don’t think there’s any loser…there’s no loser in this group, to me, not one — except for Hilary Duff’s husband,” she said.
She added, “I think it is so gross when husbands jump in and get petty. Especially since Ashley did not name names.”
“I really am rubbed the wrong way when a man inserts himself like this, and it’s solely for him to get attention,” Tobin continued.
“He called her self-obsessed, or whatever. He said something about her being self-absorbed, and I think that’s so tacky,” she went on. “I would be so upset with my husband, whether or not I get along with this person. We had a falling out…whatever the thing is. She goes low, and then he goes lower. I think it’s actually really gross when a man comments on something like this. It’s offensive for what he said about her. I don’t like it at all.”
Is it romantic for a partner to stand up for you?
Honestly, my first instinct was just… grossed out. I love Hilary Duff, and I’ve laughed at her husband’s social media posts before, but this? I just don’t think a grown woman needed him swooping in on Instagram to insert himself. Duff wasn’t named. He didn’t respond to the specific criticism, instead he mocked the photo and headline. This wasn’t about defending anyone’s honour; it was about inserting yourself into someone else’s narrative. And yeah… it’s icky.
Of course, it comes from a place of love. They know how much the conflict bothers their partner, they know their side of things, and they know how much their boo means to them. Some people might see it as chivalrous — a way to show affection or stand up for their partner.
So I asked around to see if I was the only one who felt partners shouldn't get involved.
For Georgia, it depends on how “deep the issue is.”
“If it’s a petty disagreement, I wouldn’t want my husband involved, and I wouldn’t get involved myself. But if something really upset him, I’d absolutely have his back and want him to have mine,” she explained.
Dino feels similarly. He thinks a partner should only step in if they’re connected to the problem — or if their partner is in some sort of danger. “It’s not my role to interject or address the person directly,” he said.
“That said, I think it’s important to be a sounding board and talk about the situation honestly,” he added. “In a way, I treat it like when friends talk through issues with their partners — be supportive, but remember it’s not your battle to fight.”
There’s the age-old joke about telling your significant other all the tea, and I’m not about to say we stop doing that. But I don’t think they have the right to speak on our behalf or get involved. I get it, your boyfriend knows we’re arguing, but I don’t need his biased opinion on the matter. I don’t need Jake, Finn, or Lewis telling me why I shouldn’t be mad at his “babe.” We’re in the fight. You’re a grown up, so come to me with our friendship drama.
Hold my bronzer, babe.
