1. Seated, feeling comfy, popcorn in hand, this is going to be a great two hours
2. It’s started, cue cheers in the cinema - oh it’s a rowdy bunch tonight
3. Oh hello Christian Grey, holding roses
4. Imagine Jamie Dornan giving you flowers. Swoon.
5. I feel like I’m going to love this movie already
6. Dakota Johnson looks pretty but that is one fugly mac she's wearing
7. Her new boss looks familiar…Where the fuck do I know him from?
8. His floppy hair is giving me major Leo DiCaprio circa 1997-vibes
9. He just put his pen behind his ear. Suave.
10. Why did we just laugh at him being a perve?
11. Jamie Dornan comes on screen and everyone goes wild. Resist not going wild with them. Temped though.
12. “I don’t like strangers gawking at you”. Ana, RUN AWAY! What a control freak.
13. So they’re not together anymore? I genuinely can’t remember how the first film ended
14. Oh yeah, he scared her too much in the red room of pain
15. She’s gone for dinner with him anyway. I’d hate someone ordering on my behalf.
16. No small talk with this pair: “I’d like to renegotiate the terms”
17. Imagine how great it would be to have your own chauffeur
18. They’re kissing. What is this? 10 minutes in?
19. He’s kissing her neck… ooh their chemistry is a lot better this time around
20. She tells him she likes his stubble. Same Ana, same.
**21.**Ooh she’s got presents as well. FFS is this sponsored by Apple?
**22.**Just another way to control her
23. We have our very first LATERS, BABY! That sounds sooooo good when he says it
24. Ooh Ana’s got a pint - she doesn’t look like a beer drinker
25. Ok so he’s going down on her now 🙊
26. How awkward must this have been to film?
27. We have BUM THRUSTING, people!
28. So much heavy petting it’s deafening
29. Ana’s bedsheets are a bit frumpy
30. Imagine a guy just putting $24k in your bank. The dream.
31. I wonder if people think I’m writing notes on how to be a femme fatale in the bedroom?
32. Or about “kinky fuckery”. Awkward.
33. Kim Basinger’s hair is SO BIG
34. Loving how feisty Dakota is being in this movie
35. Oh lord, Ana’s stylist is such a stereotype.
**36.**He reminds me of the “don’t tap your little Prada shoes at me” fella in Legally Blonde
37. Has Marie Kondo been at Ana’s underwear drawer? It’s very neat.
38. I wish I looked like her in my undies
39. She doesn’t eat many complex carbohydrates, does she?
**40.**We have the JIGGLE BALLS, people!
41.“You’re not putting that in my butt” LOLS Ana. LOLZ. Ana’s funnier than the first one.
42. I want to go to a masked ball
43. She looks so amazing in that silver dress
44. Finally! Rita Ora playing, well, Rita Ora
45.“I don’t know whether to worship you or spank you” - what a line, Grey!
46. Those jiggle balls are about to get pulled out. Yup.
47. Cue the spanking klaxon.
48. Ow! I hope she’s got some Dr PawPaw ointment for that bum of hers
49. OMG WHITE PAINT. NOT THE WHITE PAINT.
50. Does it really need 10 million bodyguards to stare at a car covered in white paint? Jeeze, guys!
51. Oh we have a shower scene. More sex on the horizon?
**52.**No way, a romantic shower scene. What a curveball.
53. Jamie Dornan even has a sexy belly button
54. Is that weird that I’ve just thought that?
55. As if they’ve fled to the waters just to escape a weirdo girl
56. C’mon Ana, those are gross boat shoes
57. Woo Zayn and Taylor’s song is on. I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH.
**58.**If I was in that meeting with Christian I’d be so pissed off he was texting someone and not listening
**59.**Why doesn’the have an Apple phone when he clearly likes their products so much?
**60.**Ooh, there’s the housekeeper! It’s the first time we’ve ever met her isn’t it?
61. Who knew I’d be getting an education in nipple clamps tonight
62. Here we go again - sexy time!
63. SRSLY lost count of how many times he’s yanked down her knickers
64. Shackles: Check.
65. Lots of nervous laugher in this room RN
66. WOAH - HE JUST FLIPPED HER OVER LIKE A RAG DOLL
67. Ana can’t go to New York (because Christian said so, obvs). Controlling knobhead.
68. Uh oh Jack the boss is not a happy chappy - he’s about to do something awful isn’t he?
69. Yup. He just said “I can make you come”
70. Cue laughter in the cinema (I don’t think it was meant to be funny)
71. Jamie Dorman is hotter than the actual sun
72. I love how ballsy Ana is in this movie
73. Surely everyone’s pissed the new girl got the great promotion?
74. Of course he’s telling her to take off her knickers in a restaurant. SO hygienic.
75. Anastasia + Christian + busy elevator + you just know something rude’s about to happen
76. If someone whispered “don’t come” in the lift at work, you’d all totally hear it, wouldn't you?!
77. I like Hannah the assistant. She seems sweet.
78. We all need a Hannah in the office
79. Why does Anastasia have such a great apartment when she's basically just graduated?
80. This Scary Mary character that’s petrifying them all is doing my head in. Go away!
81. OMG CHRISTIAN HAS MADE HER KNEEL
82. SO MANY LOLS
83. Why is he petting her like a dog?
84. Oh god now Christian’s on the floor begging to Ana - what are you doing mate?
85. We get it - you’re a tortured soul
86. OH HELLO WE HAVE THE WORKOUT SCENE
87. Cue round of applause in the cinema
88. Ok, that was really impressive the way he just did that. I want to marry you, Dornan!
89. He weren’t crowned GLAMOUR’s sexiest man of 2017 for nuthin
90. Christian Grey CANNOT die in this helicopter
91. Um, why is José there with all of the family? Mate, get some pals
92. Christian’s back from his accident - phew - but how did he do that so fast?
93. Swoon when he says “I need to say hi to my girl”
94. Oh she said YES!
95. NOW we have the sexy shower scene
96. Belinda Blinks would love this
97. Yep. he just kissed her boob… ooh err
98. The oil's out! I wonder if sales of Johnson’s Baby Oil will go through the roof after this...
99. Aaaannndddd he’s shagging her from behind. Cue more giggles around me.
100. I wouldn't want to see this with my mum
101. EVERYONE’S CLAPPING
102. I think I fancy Christian’s brother
103. Elena’s having a bad day - a drink thrown in the face AND a slap
104. Drop the
micnapkin, Mrs Robinson105. Yay I’m loving this proposal scene! “Be mine, share my life with me, marry me”
106. #EngagementRingGoals
107. I love her red dress - she looks so fab
108. She definitely doesn’t eat refined sugar
109. Uh oh Jack’s at the party
110. Why does he look so…. rough
111. WTAF. It can’t end like that
112. NOOOOOO must know what happens next
113. When is Fifty Shades Freed out again? Don’t make me wait another two years guys…
Read our movie review of Fifty Shades Darker
