If You've Ever Wanted To...

20 September 2010

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Thinking about mixing it up a bit in the bedroom, but not quite sure where to begin? Find out which of your fantasies are hot to trot...and which are best left in your head!

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Have Sex Outdoors
Want to take advantage of some warm weather with a little alfresco nookie? You’ll want to pick somewhere relatively quiet and secluded. There are no laws saying you can’t have sex outdoors, but if you do it where everyone can see you, you could find yourself in a lot of trouble. Soft grass or smooth rock are a safe bet, but if what you’re really hankering for is some sex on the beach, make sure you take a blanket with you. There are some places you don’t want to be finding stray bits of sand.
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Choose A Sex Toy
With so many gadgets to choose from, how’s a girl to know which offers the best bang for buck? It all depends on your needs: are you looking for something quiet and discreet, something you can share with your partner, or just some killer G-spot stimulation? “As with any sex partner, aim for substance over style,” advises Emily Nagoski, author of The Good In Bed Guide To Female Orgasms. “And never underestimate the wonder of a ‘random’ vibe setting. Look for that.”
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Talk Dirty
Adding some erotic lingo to your love life is less scary than you think, says Carol Queen, author of Exhibitionism for the Shy. “All you have to do is decide which language you find most comfortable or exciting. Maybe it's classic ‘dirty talk’, maybe you make up your own pet names for genitals and other lovely bits, maybe you describe what's happening in the moment, or narrate a sexy experience that you had. If you're really shy, just use the word ‘yes’ to punctuate what feels wonderful.” Added bonus: this will also subtly teach your partner what you like!
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Give A Lap Dance
In the privacy of your own home, a lap dance can be as intimate as it is sexy. “The most important piece of advice for lap dancing is to keep eye contact with the person you are dancing for as much as possible,” says Aimee Lawson, director of Northern Pole Dance. The right music is also key. “You need something that makes you want to dance. I also give myself a whole new ‘character’ to play, and then I can pretend I'm her and not a married mum of one!”
“Don't be shy about getting in close for a lap dance,” adds Lawson. “The closer you are the less the person you're dancing for can see. A little blow or a whisper into an ear when you're really close up works a treat as well.”
you think, says Carol Queen, author of Exhibitionism for the Shy. “All you have to do is decide which language you find most comfortable or exciting. Maybe it's classic ‘dirty talk’, maybe you make up your own pet names for genitals and other lovely bits, maybe you describe what's happening in the moment, or narrate a sexy experience that you had. If you're really shy, just use the word ‘yes’ to punctuate what feels wonderful.” Added bonus: this will also subtly teach your partner what you like!

Role Play
Rather than changing what you do in the bedroom, why not experiment with who you are? “You can be anyone when having sex. The question is whom you want to be and whether that's compatible with your partner's preferred role,” says Carol Queen. “If you call each other by different names, or set up a pretend scenario so you're acting out one of you being a virgin again or offering sexual favours in trade for a backstage pass to a Lady Gaga show, you'll be amazed at how different the sex can seem.” Best not to use this one to explore your attraction to R-Pattz or that hot new guy at the office, though – it will only make your partner uncomfortable.
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Write An Erotic Story
Reckon you’ve got a way with words? Put your fantasies down in writing and share them with your partner - or the world. Writing an erotic story can be a great way of communicating your desires to your man, and get you both hot and bothered in the process! Don’t stress too much about being original, just take your time and let your imagination run wild.
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Try Phone Sex
Phone sex is all about igniting you and your partner’s imagination. Get specific: tell your squeeze what you’re wearing, how you’re touching yourself, or reminisce about a particularly steamy session. It’s not just for long distance lovers either – surprise him at work with a phone call detailing just what you plan to do to him when you get home.
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Get A Spiritual Edge
Tantra isn’t just for new age types - it’s a great way to reignite your libido and connect with your lover. Rather than a race to reach orgasm, tantric sex is a whole body experience with no beginning or end. And the best bit? Your orgasms will only be better for it. “One of my favourite exercises is the yin-yang game, where each partner tries to fulfill the other's wishes for an agreed period of time,” says Cassandra Lorius, author of The Tantric Pillow Book. “You could ask your lover for a total body massage or a 'g-spot massage', giving him feedback so that he can extend his sexual expertise.”

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Get Tied up
Many women and men fantasise about playing with a little light bondage, and why not? Experimenting with scarves, ties and rope infuses sex with a whole new power dynamic, and everyone knows power is hot. Looking for a way to get started? Ask him to hold your wrists down during sex, or hold down his. After that, be creative – you’ve got legs, torsos and even more exciting areas to play with, too.
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Play With Food
Food and sex – is there a better combination? Well, it all depends on what you use… and where you use it. Chocolate and whipped cream are good for licking and strawberries are good for tickling, but most of the time, you’re safer purchasing food from a sex toy store than using what’s in your fridge.
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Seduce An Older Man
Whether you want to play the temptress of just find your intellectual equal, an older lover can offer some unique delights. Just make sure he really is a single as you think he is – no one likes a homewrecker.
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Get A Toy Boy
Inspired by Demi Moore and Madonna, many women are expanding their dateable age range downwards - and many men are jumping at the chance to date an experienced older woman. With women reaching their sexual peak in their mid-to-late 30s and men in their early 20s, this is one pairing that makes sense. The key to making it work is to embrace the best of both your worlds: the independence, smarts and self-sufficiency your extra years have given you, and the fun and spontaneity his youth offer him. And if you want it to last? Pick a guy who’s more mature for his age.lover can offer some unique delights. Just make sure he really is a single as you think he is – no one likes a homewrecker.

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Look Deep
The eyes have it: they may be the windows to the soul, but eyes also serve a lustier purpose. Use a prolonged glance or a soulful stare to reel in that hottie at the bar, or to let your long term honey know he has something to look forward to when you leave the party.
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Watch Sexy Flicks
“There are as many kinds of porn out there as there are kinds of Hollywood movies,” says Dr Annie Sprinkle a former adult film actress turned eco-sexologist. And while you might not talk about it with your girlfriends, checking out some woman-friendly erotica can be a great, non-threatening way to explore your fantasies. “One of the best ways for women to find some porn they really might enjoy is to ask a well informed porn expert,” says Sprinkle. “I recommend phoning up a sales rep at the feminist sex boutique Good Vibrations.”
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Get Wet
Getting it on in the shower or a tub looks hot in the movies, but in real life it’s best left to foreplay. Water can wash away your natural lubrication, making sex more painful and increasing the chance than your condom will break. There’s also the possibility of infection if the water isn’t clean – ouch! That doesn’t mean you have to avoid it entirely, though. The shower can be a great place to give or receive oral, to sensuously soap each other down, or to get warmed up before taking things to dry land.
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Spoon It Up
It may be tame, but there’s not much that feels better – or is more effective at building intimacy – than the good old-fashioned spooned. And while we girls have the good fortune of being on the receiving end most of the time, it’s nice to return the favour. Let your man know he’s loved by snuggling up beside him at bed time – the key here is to get as much body contact as possible. It’ll be the sexiest sleep he’s had in ages.

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Buy Some White-Hot Lingerie
A new dress or pair of shoes can be transformative, but so can what lies beneath. Whether it’s to send your man’s jaw dropping to the floor or simply to feel secretly sexier at work, the key is to dress for your shape. Curvy girls should go for something that shows off their chest, while slimmer lasses will look fab in a push-up bra and thong. And if you really want to raise the temperature, try a themed look. Sexy secretary, anyone?
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Join The Mile-High Club
Sex in the skies is the ultimate adventure: the key is not to get caught (the consequences can be dire)! If you’re travelling with your honey, get things started by making smart use of the blankets provided, and then make your move when the flight attendants are serving meals or drinks. It’s counterintuitive, but it’s also the time they’re likely to be most distracted.
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Find Your G-Spot
You don’t need to find the big G to have a good time between the sheets, but it’s certainly fun when you do. Your G-spot is a spongy area on the upper wall of your vagina that fills with blood when you’re aroused. To find it, insert a finger your vagina, curving it upward in a ‘come hither’ motion. You’re looking for a slightly bumpy or ridged area. Experiment with different touches to see what feels good and let the tension build. The end result? An explosive orgasm.
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Do It Standing Up
Sexing it up whilst standing up might look hot, but for most couples, it requires some careful maneuvering. Here are three moves to get you started. Get him to bend his knees to enter you (if there’s a big height difference you might require a step) and slowly rise. If he’s super strong, try having him lift you, wrap your legs around his waist, and do it against a wall or other solid surface for support. And if all else fails, just turn around and try it from behind.

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Write A Sex Blog
Want a taste of the online infamy that greeted bloggers like Belle du Jour and Girl With A One Track Mind? You’re better off keeping your musings for your friends only. “Documenting your experiences on a blog is a fun way to share your bedroom adventures with friends and learn from - or at least commiserate about - your mistakes,” says Lena Chen, author of the Harvard sex blog Sex & The Ivy. “Just remember to password-protect it."
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Come Again
The easiest way to turn one orgasm into lots is to pull out a toy – a good vibe will get you buzzing in more ways than one. If au naturale is more your style, go for a position that puts you in control. And don’t stress if you can’t get there – experts say it’s often a trade-off between one big ‘O’ and lots of little ones.
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Keep Your Pants On
Sure, your private parts are pretty exciting, but if that’s all you focus on, your sex life can get boring fast. Instate a “keep your pants on” rule for one night (or a week, if you’re feeling game) and use the time to remember just how fun kissing and touching can be. It’ll be like being a teenager again, minus the clueless fumbling.
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Stop Faking It
Faking it means sentencing yourself and your partner to a subpar sex life. In other words, it’s one habit you should break right now. But how to tell him those “oo”s and “ah”s were really “boo”s and “argh”s? Break the news gently. Don’t tell him you’ve been faking it for months (or years!), but instead say you’ve been finding it harder to climax lately and you’d like to try some new things. Then turn to the other 24 points on this list!

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Get Your Burlesque On
Being a burlesque mega babe requires more than just a corset and a feathered fan. In fact, you’ll want to hold off on that corset until you know the ropes – the best burlesque costumes are easy to remove. The first step for would-be burlesquers is to check out a show and get a sense of the wit, creativity and sheer sex appeal that goes into each performance. “The (Ministry of Burlesque website) is the ultimate source of burlesque information in the UK - check out their listings of events, and consider signing up for a class to pick up some tips,” says burlesque performer and advocate Tiara The Merch Girl.