How Men Work
Ah, men. They're unique and perplexing creatures. Which is why we've compiled this handy guide for you all about how they work!
Rex FeaturesMorning Glory
If your man is the first thing to rise every morning, blame Noctural Penile Tumescence. His overnight erections are caused by brain activity during the sleep cycle’s dream phase, so he could be up and down four times during your slumber! Blokes also greet the day with a manly surge of ‘up and at ‘em’ testosterone – so when he wakes he’ll want to make to most of nature’s bounty!
Rex FeaturesTrainspotter's Delight
Let’s face it: you’ve got competition. While you’re romanticising about the perfect Cotswolds mini break, your fella’s passions are aroused elsewhere. Train spotting, trainer collecting, amassing an army of action figures, or alphabeticising his vinyl collection, it doesn’t matter - his hobbies most likely involve knowing all there is to know about his subject, and probably a cross-referenced list. Scientists reckon men have six times more grey matter in the brain than women, so the art of data processing gets a big tick on their skills list (Well, that and the art of sending women to sleep).
Rex FeaturesThe Strong Silent Type
“I don’t wanna… talk about it, how you broke my heart” croaked Rod Stewart. His 1970s hit spoke (albeit succinctly) for men everywhere. Because while us gals like to chat, ponder and analyse the minutiae of life, men find talking tough. It’s no surprise to discover women have ten times more white brain matter than their partners. White matter governs the areas of emotional understanding, language, and communication.
Rex FeaturesJoined-up Thinking
Men’s minds also work on a ‘need to know’ basis. The female brain connects the analytical left hemisphere with the emotional right side, with neurons zipping everywhere, sharing information. In contrast, the male brain is compartmentalised, with each nerve centre communicating less about its specialised function. This means that men take longer to recover from brain injury, such as a stroke, and it solves the age-old question of why men can’t multitask!
Rex FeaturesListen Up!
Men’s hearing is less developed than yours – and their sense of smell isn’t that hot either. Studies show that women of childbearing age are programmed to hear and act on triggers, including the impulse to wake when a baby cries. Men? Not so much. And don’t expect too much thanks for tending to your infant boy, either. While girl babies’ brains are stimulated by faces, boy babies’ eyes look past their parents, attracted instead by the crib mobile behind.
Rex FeaturesThe Look Of Love
Another reason men don’t understand women is that his brain struggles to handle non-verbal communication. ‘Women’s intuition’ helps us interpret the emotional meaning of things like posture, gestures, facial expressions and eye contact. Studies show men find it harder to read between the lines in conversations – which is why those ‘What women say/What women really mean’ jokes do so well.
iStockAmbitious Minds
A healthy dose of testosterone means men love a challenge. While women work hard to achieve a work/life balance, many men define themselves by employment alone, often going head-to-head against colleagues to gain a promotion. That hormone-fuelled competition is also displayed in romantic rivalry. Why else do you think fists fly so often come pub chucking out time?
Rex FeaturesAnalyse This
The male’s brain’s insistence on dealing with one task at a time might be a bit annoying when you want to talk during the footie, but it is a priceless asset when it comes to solving complex analytical problems in the traditionally male domains of maths and science. It could also explain why Aspergers Syndrome – sometimes referred to as an ‘extreme male brain’ – is much more common in boys.
Rex FeaturesPorn To Be Wild
Most men like porn. A lot. And there are a couple of in-your-face reasons for this. First off, guys are ruled by the right side of their brain, and so respond to simple visual stimulation. Porn-induced arousal is a neurological reaction caused by ‘mirror neutrons’ – basically:‘I see, I like, I want, I copy'. And don’t feel threatened by adult films either – psychologists it’s a safe, modern way to channel the caveman impulse to procreate. No, really.
Rex FeaturesQuick Quick Slow
The secret to the male sexual appetite also lies in evolution. His love of a quickie mirrors an impulse often seen in the animal world, where the male of the species must be ready for action whenever his mate is in season. There’s no hanging around either: the act is often over in seconds. Let’s face it: it’s bad enough to be caught in flagrante by your hapless flatmate – you don’t want to be doing the deed when a hungry lion pads past.
Rex FeaturesHot Pursuit
Modern man loves a woman who plays hard to get because it reminds him of his early hunting days and the thrill of the chase. If you want a first date to lead to a second, why not leave your man wanting more? His testosterone soars while he’s pursuing his goal – one reason to leave it up to him to make that all-important phone call.
Rex FeaturesIt's a goal!
Men love to score. They love goals in football. They’re driven by goals in work. And when he hits the back of the net in sex, his prize is an orgasm of intense proportions. Our hardy hunter-gatherer man’s day wasn’t complete unless he hauled an impressive animal carcass over his shoulder and back to his cave to provide for his lady. And that’s why, even if you want to slow down and enjoy slow, sensuous sex with plenty of foreplay, men sometimes prefer a more direct route to the Big Oh. His forebearers didn’t stop to admire the view when they were out hunting mammoths, now, did they?
iStockIn The Zone
While we’re on the subject of foreplay, let’s look at the erogenous zones. Both sexes have sensitive spots, where plentiful nerve endings are located close to the skin’s surface – these include the scalp, lips, nipples, plus the inner thighs, inner arms and neck. But while a guy knows he gets all of a tingle when you touch his manhood, finding out what works for him elsewhere is a bit more hit and miss. In general, high testosterone levels gives him thicker – and therefore less sensitive – skin than his woman’s. He’ll place your hand where the main action is, because he knows it works every time.
Rex FeaturesThat Figures
Men can’t keep their eyes off women with big boobs and a shapely bum – because it releases brain chemicals that give him a natural ‘high’. Scientists in Georgia say that looking at Kelly Brook’s classic hourglass shape has the same effect on the male brain as drugs and alcohol – and that pleasure sensation is their reward for picking out a partner with good fertility, indicated by a voluptuous figure and generous waist-to-hip ratio.
Rex FeaturesLet's Sleep Together
…And after the ‘ooh’s’, comes the snooze. A study of 1000 men revealed that a whopping 48% of them had fallen asleep during sex – and we’re willing to bet the rest of them were snoring soon after. Male sexual satisfaction delivers a powerful cocktail of chemicals to the brain – among them prolactin, which makes him very sleepy.
iStockRisky Business
Just like a male peacock preens to show off his pretty feathers, a man will make a mammoth effort to impress a prospective mate, often ape-ing ‘action hero’ ways to impress and improve his social standing. Dangerous displays could see a man’s status leap to the level of the alpha male – and the number of potential mates he’ll get to juggle genes with will rocket at the same time.
iStockSpending Is Power
Instinct tells guys that flashing their cash is a sure-fire way to impress the ladies, there by increasing his chances of winning a mate. So his expensive car, huge TV and fancy sound system are more than boys’ toys; he’s showing you the lovely things he can hunt down and deliver (Has your tom cat ever brought ‘presents’ of dead birds to your door? It’s the same thing).
Rex FeaturesThere She Blows!
Your man’s rod is the most sensitive part of his body by far. The 4,000 nerve endings on the head of his penis are only a fraction of the 20,000 found on the shaft itself – which is why he loves oral sex, and why he seems to keen to discover how much of him you can fit in your mouth at one time. Don’t worry if your dentist is the only man allowed to utter the words ‘open wide’. That little trick of yours where you tease a line up the underside of his manhood? Hits the spot every time…
Rex FeaturesStuck In The Middle
If you want to send your man over the edge turn your attention to his perineum– it’s his secret pleasure spot! Located just behind his penis, this invisible ‘button’ sits on the junction box of all of the main nerves in his genital area – so you get a lot of brownie points if you stroke or massage it, or push lightly with a knuckle while stimulating him elsewhere. The prostate (located just in front of his back passage) can also be accessed by massaging the perineum.
iStockSitting Comfortably?
You know how annoying it is. You’re sitting daintily with your legs crossed on the tube or train when some big galumph of a man sits beside you with his knees spread wide. Apparently he’s not just being ignorant. This airy arrangement helps a man keep his meat and two veg sweat free on hot days. The scrotum stores his sperm at a full degree less that the standard body temp of 98.6 degrees to aid fertility. His balls then hang low or contract up towards his body depending on the heat of the day!
Rex FeaturesLet's talk about me
It’s two a.m. in the local nightclub, and a guy is trying to chat up a girl. Instead of telling her how good she looks, he hotfoots it onto his favourite subject: himself. Yet while she hears a bigheaded man boasting, he could be an insecure guy desperately trying to sell himself. After all, the last thing he wants if for you to walk back out of the boyfriend shop before you’ve had the chance to discover all of his special features.
Rex FeaturesFantasy Woman
Everyone has fantasies – but the difference between male and female desires are extreme. Visual stimulation sees men get all hot and bothered at the sight of a sexual act – which is why porn is so popular. Women, or the other had, prefer to read bonkbusters by Jackie Collins then imagine themselves in the action. Your bloke’s habit of watching the ten minutes of porn preview is annoying – but what would he say if he knew you’ve got a detailed plan of how you and Taylor Lautner will elope one day?
iStockEat Up!
Your fella needs 2500 calories of energy a day to keep going, while smaller-framed women get by on 2000 – so yep, he can scoff more nosh than you do and still manage to stay in shape. What we haven’t worked out is why he reckons those extra forkfuls should be nicked off your plate!
PA PhotosGym'll Fix It
It doesn’t matter how many bicep reps you do down the gym – your man can grow muscle mass faster than your do, thanks to his old pal Mr T. Testosterone is responsible for many a beefy body, with statistics saying that muscle-bound men start to have sex at an earlier age, and chalk up the most sexual partners.
Rex FeaturesSniff!
Man flu does exist! And it’s the fittest fellas who are most likely to suffer from it. Hormones ensure a man’s energy is channelled into creating a buff body shape. But as fat cells are replaced by muscle mass, a man needs more upkeep. He’ll get hungry quicker and, with less of an immune molecule called C-reactive protein, his immune system will be suppressed, making it harder to fight off infection.
