Kiss Them Goodbye
Tired of dating by the rules? Us too - so we've given 25 old-fashioned tips a modern makeover. Time to leave these tired courting conventions in the dust!
Bigpicturesphoto.comOld Rule: Wait for him to ask you out.
New Rule: Go after what you want, a la Katy when she set her eyes on Russell. You don’t have to morph into some kind of insatiable man-eater – just think of this approach as proactive rather than aggressive. If you see someone who attracts your attention, you can save yourself some time by simply asking him out. You’ll find out right away if the feeling is mutual and if it is, you’ve got a date on your own terms.
PA PhotosOld Rule: When a man and a woman meet up socially, it’s automatically a date.
New Rule: Make sure you know what you’re in for. Platonic friendships are pretty standard these days, so try to find out what’s in store for your “date,” to avoid getting an unpleasant surprise when he starts asking your advice on how to pull the woman he really likes. If you find out that any other friends or acquaintances will be joining you, it’s a pretty clear sign that romance is not on the table.
Is it a date or are you just hanging out? Read our guide to ambigudates!
Bigpicturesphoto.comOld Rule: Never say yes to a Saturday night date (it will make it look like you’re not sought after).
New Rule: If you’re lucky enough to have a free slot in your schedule, then by all means say yes to the poor man. Would it really make you cooler to say “no,” and then find yourself slouching about on your own? The only time you might want to hold off on saying “yes” all the time is if he constantly asks you out on short notice (especially if you try to get him to make plans in advance).
iStockOld Rule: Expect the bloke to plan the perfect evening.
New Rule: Whoever did the asking should do the planning. You don’t want to get the date off on the wrong foot by playing a boring game of, “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” So if you suggested the date, suggest a place, too. Bonus: Choosing the location could save you from having to stumble around a strange part of the city.
Rex FeaturesOld Rule: The newer the relationship, the more cash is required.
New Rule: A high-budget outing can lead to a lot of unnecessary pressure for a first date, and only exacerbates the whole “who pays” dance that many new couples struggle with. Plus, it can be difficult to get over your nerves if you’re trying to remember which fork to use. Keep it cheap and cheerful while you’re in the getting-to-know-each-other stage. Swap the three-course meal for a casual coffee or lunch to get a low-pressure atmosphere.
Rex FeaturesOld Rule: Dinner is the best way to get to know someone.
New Rule: Skip dinner for something less stuffy. If you share a special interest with your date, try something with a little more personality, like a museum exhibition or an outdoor trek. Basing your date around an activity will lend itself to natural conversation and help you steer clear of any long silences or cliché icebreaker phrases.
Rex FeaturesOld Rule: Always don your best LBD.
New Rule: If you’ve decided to avoid the dinner formula, you may want to tailor your outfit to the occasion – you do not want to be the girl tottering around a park in three-inch heels. Date clothes don’t have to be dressy, and going too formal could be a recipe for awkwardness. If he chose the venue, do a little research to find out what the dress code is. If it’s your pick, do him the favour of letting him know what kind of place it is.
Rex FeaturesOld Rule: Look sexy, but not too sexy.
New Rule: Invest in double-sided sticky tape. There’s always been a lot of debate about how much cleavage or leg you want to show a potential suitor. The real question should be: will this outfit leave me free to dazzle him with my wit and natural sex appeal, or will I constantly be wondering if my bra strap is showing? “Comfortable” doesn’t have to mean frumpy, but it should leave you free to focus on your man, not your hemline.
Rex FeaturesOld Rule: “Pick me up at 8.”
New Rule: Meet in a public place. You’ll be able to avoid a deadly silence in the car on the way over, or worse, a potential stalker if you don’t know him that well. This rings especially true if you met the man online – telling a stranger to come to your house just has NO written all over it.
WennOld Rule: Make an entrance by being fashionably late.
New Rule: Keeping him waiting doesn’t give you Old Hollywood allure. It just makes you look unreliable, and maybe even a bit mean. Remember, dating is stressful enough. Can you imagine how nervous you’d feel if you were sitting alone in a restaurant and had to spend even five minutes wondering if your date would show?
Rex FeaturesOld Rule: Pretend you’ve never been in another relationship.
New Rule: Ex-talk is still best avoided, but it’s not necessarily a deal-breaker. Sometimes, the topic legitimately comes up, and it would be dishonest not to spill the beans. Face it – everyone has a past, and sometimes that past constitutes pertinent dating information (for example, if one of you recently got divorced or came out of a long relationship). One rule that still holds? No bad-mouthing. It still comes off as immature and bitter.
wennOld Rule: Avoid talking about your job.
New Rule: Shop talk is traditionally seen as inappropriate during a date, but for many of us, our work is a huge part of our lives. Don’t you want to know about what makes him tick from 9-5 every day? It’s also a fairly safe way to talk about yourself before veering off into more personal territory. Salary talk is still strictly off-limits, though.
PA PhotosOld Rule: No politics, or other “serious” topics.
New Rule: While old fashioned etiquette may have emphasised the art of polite small talk, we think that if you’re passionate about something – whether it’s a social cause or a political hot-button topic, you should feel free to talk about it. You’re supposed to get to know each other, so there’s no point hiding what you really care about. Plus, you might just get some stimulating conversation out of it. In any case, it’s better than “So...do you have any brothers or sisters?”
Bigpicturesphoto.comOld Rule: Retain an air of mystery.
New Rule: You are not in an old spy movie, whatever you might think of your adorable vintage dress. So don’t focus on things like “mystery” while trying to actually converse with another human being in real life. If he likes you, he’s going to be plenty intrigued whether you’re a natural chatterbox or more of a listener.
iStockOld Rule: Never touch up your makeup in front of your date.
New Rule: While you probably don’t want to whip out your concealer at the table, a little stealth lipstick application never hurt anyone. These days, the real table-top controversy is the smoking issue. Lighting up on a date may have been de rigueur in the Mad Men era, but now it’s considered polite to ask your date if he minds you smoking, even if you’re somewhere you’re allowed to do it.
Rex FeaturesOld Rule: Show an interest in his interests.
New Rule: Show interest only if you’re interested. If you pretend to care about his love of 90s progressive rock, or pretentious French cinema, or his favourite football team, you are letting yourself in for a world of hurt if the relationship does take off. Do yourself a favour and be honest if you have never heard of that obscure band or “famous” athlete – you won’t have to fake it, and he might even find your bluntness charming.
Rex FeaturesOld Rule: A lady never gets drunk on a date.
New Rule: A lady sometimes gets drunk on a date. It happens – one minute you’re nervously swilling shiraz as you try to think of something to say, the next, you’re asking the waiter for another bottle as you treat your date to your personal rendition of X-Factor. If you think you’re prone to first-date-jitter induced-tipsiness, you can do one of three things: steer the date towards non-alcoholic territory, fortify yourself with plenty of food, or know when it’s time to jump into a cab (solo) in order to save face.
PA PhotosOld Rule: Stay until the bitter end.
New Rule: If things are going brutally, save yourself some time and cringe-worthy moments and get out of there. Sometimes you can just tell that things are not going to work out – if he’s a decent enough guy, just try to find a natural pause on the proceedings (after one drink, for example), and say your goodbyes. If he’s offensive in any way, don’t feel bad about grabbing your coat, dropping some cash on the table, and making a dash for the nearest cab.
Rex FeaturesOld Rule: Play hard to get to get him to pursue you.
New Rule: Focus on figuring out if you like him. Advice about playing hard to get is a bit misleading – advocates claim that this approach is empowering because it means that the man is manipulated into chasing the woman. But at the end of day, these game tactics mean that you’re still thinking about how to get him to like you, instead of thinking about whether he makes you happy.
Bigpicturesphoto.comOld Rule: Let the man pay every time.
New Rule: This is still one of trickiest dating moments. If you’re still getting to know the guy, it might be best to offer to split the bill, but only do this if you really mean it. It’s not fair to make a half-hearted attempt to pay, only to write the man off forever when he actually takes you up on the offer. If you think things are going well and he insists on paying, let him have his chivalrous moment and try to get the bill next time.
Rex FeaturesOld Rule: The first date kiss is make it or break it.
New Rule: Instead of worrying about whether the kiss is going to happen, think of a graceful back-up plan if it doesn’t. A fun date that ends sans snog doesn’t mean the end of your budding relationship, but an awkward doorstep dance could. If it doesn’t seem like a kiss is in the cards, decide what other goodbye greetings might be appropriate in a pinch. Adjust accordingly depending on how much you like him.
Rex FeaturesOld Rule: Wait until the third date to sleep together.
New Rule: Have sex with someone when you want to, whether it’s on date one or twelve. Having sex on the first date certainly isn’t for everyone, but if that’s what you want, go for it. Just make it clear whether or not you think there are strings attached.
WENNOld Rule: Wait three days to call him back.
New Rule: Contact him as soon after the date as you want to, and then hold back to see if he responds in kind. Waiting for some magical number of days to pass is the definition of game-playing, and in a world of instant messaging, texting, and ubiquitous social networking, it just comes off as more disingenuous than ever. Most people don’t even wait until a television programme is over before posting their hilarious musings for the world to see. Why would you wait 72 hours to tell someone you had a good time?
rex featuresOld Rule: After you call, expect to wait another three days before he calls you back.
New Rule: Expect him to call back within a day or so. What is it with this obsession with the number three? Did people used to have too much free time on their hands? (Ok, without the aforementioned social networks at their disposal, they probably did.) Most of us are used to lightening-fast communication at work and at home, and we shouldn’t expect any less from our dates.
PA PhotosOld Rule: Settle for a so-so man until someone better comes along.
New Rule: There’s no need to keep dating someone you’re not crazy about just to fill your dating calendar. What about your work, your social life, and your stack of books/pile of DVDs/hours of sleeping you could be attending to? So for now, feel free to keep your Friday nights blissfully free until Mr. Fireworks does come along.
