15 Things You Can Change About Your Sex Life
We regret to inform you that there is no sex genie that will pop out of a bottle one day and offer you three wishes about your sex life. Which means there are certain things you just have to live with. Fortunately, the list of things that you can change is a whole lot longer. The only trick, as someone wise once said, is having the serenity to accept the things you can't change, the courage to change the things that you can, and the wisdom to know the difference...
iStockHow your body looks and feels
Working out won’t turn you into Gisele, but it will help you feel better about getting naked. Ally, 28, says: “I felt more body-confident, which led to more sex. I’m not sure which my man loved more!”
iStockHow focused your are
Make your bedroom a sacred space for sex – that means no laptop, no TV, no work. If you find your mind wandering, make yourself watch the action and focus on how it feels. You could even describe the sensations out loud. He’ll appreciate the dirty talk – and the feedback.
iStockHow sexy you feel
Stimulating all of your senses can heighten your sexual response, says Dr Ava Cadell, founder of Loveologyuniversity.com, which offers courses on romantic relationships. “ For example: chocolate for her sense of taste; soft, sexy music for her sense of hearing; orange blossom incense for her sense of smell; silk for her sense of touch; and making love in front of a mirror for her sense of sight.” You can also try lingerie, erotic fiction and sensual body lotion after a bath. “There’s something so decadent about getting some ridiculously expensive lotion and running my hands over my entire body with it,” says Melanie, 31. “After that, it’d be a waste not to sleep naked!”
iStockHow high-tech you make it
Technology is your friend in the bedroom. Get a head start on foreplay by sending each other sexy texts while you’re at work; get naughty ideas by browsing sex-toy sites together; and get a wireless headset for your mobile so that phone sex doesn’t give you neck cramp.
iStockHow often you want it
Your libido is like a muscle: the more you use it, the stronger it gets. Women who regularly use sex toys have higher libidos, a study at the Berman Center in Chicago found. So work out with yours to avoid a flabby sex drive!
iStockThe temperature in the room
Turn up the heat – and not just because it’s nicer getting naked when you’re not worried about goose pimples. Believe it or not, research shows that a warmer room can make your orgasm stronger!
Rex FeaturesWhen you first sleep with him
The longer you wait, the more likely the relationship is to last, according to a study at University College London; and men who can put the brakes on are more reliable. Think of it as a handy litmus test.
PA PhotosWho you sleep with...in your head
The largest-ever study of sexual fantasy was carried out by Psychotherapist Brett Kahr for his book, Who’s Been Sleeping In Your Head?. He found that 26 per cent of all British women use fantasies to become more stimulated during sex – and not much turns a guy on more than knowing his partner is turned on. The ‘intra-marital affair’, as Kahr calls it, is also very common: 90 per cent of adults will think about someone else during sex with their partner at some point. So if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!
Bigpicturesphoto.comYour romance levels
Kissing boosts oxytocin (the bonding chemical), while doing new things together can make you feel loved up. So go sky-diving and then kiss him when you land!
iStockThe chances of having an orgasm with your partner
In her book, Satifcation: Women, Sex And The Quest For Intimacy, psychiatrist Anita Clayton argues that most women settle for mediocre sex. Don’t be one of them! Increase the amount of time you spend teasing each other; orgasm on your own first to make sure you’re fully aroused; use positions that work for you; have him use his hands or mouth – that still counts as sex! Basically, speak up and take control.
Rex FeaturesHow sexy safer sex is
Invest in quality condoms that fit him right and have interesting textures for you. And add a drop of lube to the inside (for him) and outside (for you).
Rex FeaturesYour smell and taste
To keep your vagina’s pH balance happy, sex educator Violet Blue advises eating live yogurt and using a natural, low-pH soap. A persistent bad odour could be the sign of an infection, so see your GP.
The habit you've both fallen into
“Sexual ruts are addictive because comfy feels good,” says monogamous sexual adventurer Alison Tyler, author of Never Have The Same Sex Twice. “But using your X-rated imagination can put the zing back.” She suggests doing it outside or acting out your favourite movie sex scene.
Your sexual IQ
The better you know your body – and his – the better you’ll understand what they can do for you. For example, the area around the urethral opening [connecting to the bladder] is full of nerves in both of you. Start with the anatomy chapter of Sex: How To Do Everything by yours truly, and then get tinkering...
istockphotoHow slippery things get
It’s not always true that the more turned on you are, the wetter you’ll be. Lots of factors can affect natural lubrication, so it’s not ‘cheating’ to use a high-quality, water- or silicone-based lubricant – just avoid the ones made from oil or containing glycerine, as these can lead to infection.
